Dark Park

Asteroid Air Introduces Meteor Class

Hi Str's and Dark Parkers, Do we have news for you. It had to happen sometime; Asteroid Air have introduced the Meteor Class. Other airlines are doing it and now Asteroid Air has just this week made it possible for you to fly with them for a few extra goodies at double the price. Don't get too excited though; they've just sectioned off part of some of their Airbus 320's, so legroom is just as cramped as before and some of windows are partly obscured by the inner fuselage configuration (Lainie taught us that word),so you can't see out of the windows properly. Good one Asteroid Air. One thing the passengers in Meteor Class do get free; well, not free really, considering the extra they pay, is a T-shirt in their seat pocket. They're in Asteroid Air colours of blue and silver, with a special black singlet one for bogan blokes. On the front it says: I Fly Meteor Class with Asteroid Air and a picture of an Asteroid Aeroplane. However, some of the writing had to go on the back as the print used was too big and didn't allow enough room. Recently there was a big bun fight, as one big bloke punched another in the row behind for leaning over and nicking the T-shirt. We should explain that the passenger who stole the T-shirt was not in Meteor Class. The bloke who did the punching was off-loaded by Federal Police, but the thief was allowed to stay on board and given his own black T-shirt. How does that work?

Asteroid Air is considering distributing the T-shirts after take-off, as people want to put them on as soon as they sit down. It means no-one pays any attention to the safety PA and some even stand in the aisles, because there isn't enough elbow room to move and there's squabbling for space.

What else do the Meteor Class people get for their money? They get a free ham and cheese toastie, with tea, coffee, beer or coke and a packet of peanuts. This caused huge problems for one flight as a kid who was allergic to peanuts blew up and an ambulance had to be called. Luckily there was a doctor on board who made a hole in the kid's throat and saved the day. Not sure what he used to do the cutting, as of course sharp things aren't allowed in the cabin. We think the pilot lent him something. The kid's still alive anyway. Just thought you might like to know. We just remembered that kids get a comic book. Mums and Dads are stuck with the Asteroid Air magazine, which often as not, is missing from the seat pocket, but is crap anyway.

The Asteroid Air call centre is still located at Scrubber-Town, with people still being sent to the wrong place. For example, two kids travelling alone were supposed to fly to the Gold Coast to meet their grandparents; but somehow ended up in New Guinea. Fortunately someone realised that they didn't have passports and they were sent back to Sydney, then on to the Gold Coast. They were both sound asleep by the time they actually arrived and had to be carried off the plane.

Another couple who were supposedly going to holiday in Tasmania, ended up on Easter Island amid a tsunami warning. They were ok, but furious and sued Asteroid Air. Guess you can't blame them for that. It pays to be very careful when making a booking, either on-line or via the call centre, that you are quite sure that your destination is the one you intend. If talking to someone at the call centre, make certain that you understand each other. Sometimes call centre staff are hard to understand because they're chewing gum or sucking on lollies or even checking their own phones while talking to you or all of the above.

Asteroid Air Call centre staff have a short attention span, so watch out.

We suggest you don't bother with Meteor Class or Asteroid Air, or the other airline, Kite Air. Try to go by car, train or boat if possible. It's probably much safer and more comfortable.

Don't you luv our Christmas personas? Persona is yet another word from Dr Una. This picture is to sort of compensate for not having got around to reporting on the Scrubber-Town/Dark Christmas Party at the Dark Park Tavern. Dr Una is really pissed off at us and we're worried that she might fire us. Will have to be done after Christmas and if necessary we'll have to sit up all night writing it as punishment. Merry Christmas everyone.