Dark Park

Just Who are Lacey and Stacey?

Stacey on Lacey: Lacey is my best friend and I like to think I'm hers too. I met Lacey at school and yes, you guessed right, we went to Dark Park High. We became friends in year 10 and when we made it to year 11, everyone was surprised, including us. Dark Park students don't usually make it Past year 10 and the majority don't get past year 9. Lots of them get into trouble and find their way into the Dark Park Detention Centre.

I've joined in with Lacey's family for so many occasions. They're all friendly and fun, which is really unusual for people from Jewel Park and Dark Park. It's a massively big family. Lacey has three sisters and two brothers. She's the youngest. The brothers and sisters have heaps of kids between them, all from different Mums and Dads. It gets pretty confusing. OMG sometimes the adults get each other's kids mixed up. Some of these kids go to the 'Little Buggers' child-care centre and get a reduced rate, cos one of the Mums works there as a child-care assistant or something. I'm not into small kids myself, but theirs aren't too bad. Lacey wasn't into little kids either, but I suppose if they're related to you, it's a bit different, isn't it?

Anyway, they're a huge family and when they all get together, they take up heaps of room and make lots of noise. On the beach, people next to them, will get up and take themselves, towels and shoes further down the beach. At least that's one way of having the beach to yourself.

Above: Just a few of Lacey's family on a Spring beach picnic

Lacey works at the War Paint Cosmetic and Hairstylists shop. She took her cousin Lainie's place when she left to be a flight attendant and has stayed, but I'm not sure that she likes it much. I told her that at least she gets free cosmetics. Sometimes she gives some to me. and she'll try different make-up on me, which is fun.

Speaking of noise, a few of Lacey's uncles go to karaoke nights at the Dark Park Tavern. Their fave songs to sing are Shaddup Your Face and Who Let The Dogs Out. They actually have quite a fan -base and people request them, saying 'Let's have the two ratbags on.' 'We want Gazza and Bazza'; their names are Gary and Barry. 'Come on up yer two old bogans'.

Lacey on Stacey; I guess Stace told you that we met at school in Dark Park High. It's funny, we were the only two girls in year eleven. I reckon some of the teachers thought it was a nuisance teaching just two pupils. They'd say stuff like: Oh, no, not you two again, or You two know what you're doing don't you? You're in year eleven for heavens sakes, so you must know. So go and do it. Let's see what you can do'. We've got work to do.

Sometimes we'd go outside and smoke weed, which Stace really likes to do, but all the little pesty year eights and nines would start asking if they could have some too. We told them to rack off and we went back inside to eat lollies from the Stinky Deli, the next best thing to do.

Sadly, after year eleven, Stace's family moved so we tried to keep our friendship going through Facebook or Twitter, which was OK for a while, until Stace started to get heavily into weed and some other stuff. It seems she was hanging out with some dodgy friends and we stopped talking, that is until she and her family moved back into Jewel Park. I found out that Stace had been sent to rehab and she wasn't doing nearly as much weed or the other stuff as before. Stace slyly told me that she still smoked some weed and wasn't going to give it up entirely

She had a job too, which she hated. She was serving meals to the Crockerie residents, you know the aged-care home across the road from Scrubber-Town. She told me most of the old men would pinch her on the bum and say give us a kiss, gorgeous The old women would clack their false teeth and swear at her or complain. She went to Matron Melanie who just laughed at her and said it was typical men's behaviour and she should learn to deal with it. I bet if it happened to Matron Melanie things would be different.

I suggested that she go to Phil's Pills to look for a job. I took Stace to War Paint for a new hairdo from Topsy the hairdresser and I did her makeup. I didn't trust Whitney or Britney to do it; they make people look like clowns.  Stace looked really pretty and I knew she'd get the job. Phil is a sucker for a pretty girl. She did get it. Phil told us that one of his favourite assistants had left to be a flight attendant, which of course was Lainie. Then he said: Maybe. you'll become my next favourite

Stace said Maybe and didn't even blush. I was proud of her.

Phil tends to have short-lived affairs with his staff, so hope Stace can cope with his constant flirting. Still, better than some old bloke from the Crockerie saying Give us a kiss and pinching your bum.

Now Stace has decided to go to Delfine's Academy of Beauty as she wants to become a beautician. She's also going to join me as a roving reporter for the Scrubber-Towners, formerly the Scrubber- Town saga. Go Stace.

Things you might like to look up if youse don't already know them; the songs Shaddap Your Face and Who Let the Dogs Out.