Dark Park

Scrubber-Town Meets Dark Park

Hi, Scrubber-Towners (hope you like your new name); we're Lacey and Stacey and are taking over the rov ing reporter job of Lainie and Janie. Actually, Lainie's my cousin. We sort of look alike, which is good. We're both hot chicks. I even took Lainie's place at War Paint when she left to go flying and Stacey is doing the beauticians course at Delfine's Academy of Beauty, which is new to Scrubber-Town. Delfine used to have her business at Beauvais Heights, a far more up-market suburb than Jewel Park; where Scrubber-Town is, but we hear the rent got too expensive, so she moved here. She doesn't like moving down the status ladder we hear, and takes it out on everyone else, by being a cranky old control freak. More about her and her academy later. We'll be taking over Scrubber-Town Saga from now on. Lainie reminded us that we have big shoes to fill; that's true, cos Lainie is a size 10 in shoes; freakin big feet. Both Stace and I know we can deliver our own dose of style to ST 's , so Lainie and Janie needn't worry. Hope Lainie isn't upset about my advertising what size shoe she wears. Anyway, here it is, The Scrubber-Towners news brought to you from Lacey and Stacey.

We should first fill you in with some info about Dark Park. Well, it's the next-door suburb to Jewel Park and is even more of a hole. They have a large high school, which you may have heard has the worst reputation of any high school in the state. The teachers are some of the laziest on the planet and can barely control the kids, many of whom graduate to the Dark Park Detention Centre before they even finish high school. You can see some of the school mottos on Polly Parker-Carr's; she's the Principal, photo above, but we think the kids ignore  them, so they're a waste of time and space. We've never heard of a Dark Park student being 'fabulous' or doing 'amazing things.' except us of course. We made it all the way to year eleven.

The Dark Park High kids aren't known for their enthusiasm. Ms Fiona Fitch has an extra large, extra strong coffee for survival.

 The Dark Park Detention Centre is in the middle of town, such as the town is, although Councillor Rob Hobbs is trying to move it further out and separate the girls and guys. Right now they're on top of each other and often make forays into each other's quarters. We got the word foray from Dr Una and we like it; it sounds really sophisticated. Also in the town is a row of daggy-looking shops, including a deli/mini super-market which provides the lunch orders for the high school kids, cos there's only a coke and chip/lolly machine in the school grounds. Kids often seem to get sick after eating food from this deli, which they've nick-named the Stinky Deli. It doesn't stop them eating from there, though. Next to the Stinky Deli are assorted used-car yards. Whitney Wells fiance Ron Pond works in one of these, and a DVD/Games hire shop and a couple of fast-food joints. There's even a daggy old hall from about two centuries ago where movies are shown once a month, but the building looks totally unsafe and kids have grafitti'd it both outside and in. This hall looks like it's about to collapse at any minute. There's also a huge variety of lairy bill-boards too, with pictures peeling off.

Dark Park is a real dust-bowl and is misleading, cos it doesn't actually have a park at all. At least in Jewel Park there is a space of land posing as a kind of park, though mostly only derros use it for making drug deals. Recently Councillor Rob Hobbs of the Jewel Park/Dark Park Council wanted to try to tart up the suburb and combine it with Jewel Park. He planned to re-name it and even invited people to think up a new name in a council-run competition. He really wanted to take Dark Park off the radar. This scheme didn't go down at all well with the residents of Dark Park. They stormed the council chambers and smashed in windows and doors. Rob sued the residents, but of course no-one there has any money, so the council had to pay for the repairs themselves.

 Anyway, now they're going to keep Dark Park, but still try to tidy it up. We say good luck with that. Rob still hasn't totally given up on his plans and says he wants the suburbs to interact more. He's suggested a Saturday morning market, with stuff like face-painting and buskers, but we'll see. We hear the Scrubber-Town retailers would sabotage that, cos they'd be scared of losing business. It would be all-out war. Komik Kal and Erik, of Erik's Emporium, actually held a protest meeting and most of the staff at ST supported them.

We musn't forget the Dark Park Tavern, which is totally down-market and has what passes for a beer garden; which is a dirt patch with a few cactuses growing. Actually the cactuses are the only thing which thrive in Dark Park and at least they can't be stolen or vandalised by the Spite Club girls or the Dark Park Demons footy team. The barman here has created a cocktail which we think he's trying to copy from the Raving Lunatic cocktails that Scrubber-Town is famous for. It's called the Madman. The Dark Park tavern also has a quiz night once a week. The questions are multi-choice, but are so easy ,that no-one except a total idiot would get questions wrong. For instance what sort of pets do people often keep in their back-yard; a)elephants, b) giraffes c)crocodiles or d)chooks. It's chooks, right.? You'd be surprised how many said giraffes. Yes, really. Dr Una and Dr Ray often go and usually win, however, some people get really upset if they don't win and there have been punch-ups and challenges to winners 

. Kara-Lyn, Skye Frye, the sizzling blonde manager of Scrubber-town, Komik Kal and Erik of Erik's emporium, can usually be found at the Pokies and simply won't listen to those who say they're rigged for people to lose. The tavern also hosts karaoke nights on the weekends. Stace and I will go one night and report back to you what it's like. Don't get too excited. Remember it's in Dark Park.

One thing that Dark Park does have going for it is the Dark Park Dramatic Society. This was where Janie went to drama classes and look where she is now-an up and coming, big-time movie star in Hollywood. The lady who runs it was /is a good friend of Janie's Mum ; it's surprising that the dramatic society isn't somewhere more up-market like Beauvais Heights, home of the snobby and rich, but we guess the rent is much cheaper in Dark Park, like Delfine who set up business in Scrubber-Town. Yes, it's rather a dilapidated, daggy building and we hear there's a ghost in the building, quite an aggressive one too, if some of the staff are to be believed. Someone said the creepy old cleaner called Lillian Malulu is into voodoo and a ghost followed her from Haiti or somewhere, but not sure if this is true. We'll keep our ears open and keep you posted. Anyway, the Dramatic Society is thriving and there are lots of pupils, so we hope the building can stand for a bit longer.

Back to the Detention Centre. This is home to one hundred girls and one hundred and fifty guys. Remember Mandi Mason? She's always in and out of there and has made two attempted escapes. Speaking of Mandi, there's even a branch of the Spite-Club girls in Dark Park, not that that should be surprising seeing so many are recruited from the High School. Their favourite activity is to nick DVD'S from the hire shop, egg cars in the car-yards and private cars, the high school and houses or abusing passers-by. We hear that Ron Pond, Whitney Wells' fiance spends the morning trying to clean the dried up eggs off the cars.  Really, there would be no point in trying to tart-up Dark Park, cos we can't see anything changing.

Luv youse all,

Lacey and Stacey.xx

P.S. You wouldn't think you could get the spelling of Dark Park wrong, would you, but it happened. On the new sign for welcome to Dark Park, the dyslexic sign-writer Shane Shaw, wrote:

Welcum to Kard Parrk. Rob Hobbs is livid, but he's still not allowed to fire Shane, because of his disability, so the sign stays. How funny is that?