Dark Park

The Dark Park High School Formal: Part One

Hi Scrubber-Towners, Stacey and I  are bringing you an eyewitness account of the Dark Park High-School formal, which really had to be seen to be believed. Honestly it was like no formal Stace and I had ever attended and we've been to some' doosies'; you know, kids being drunk or stoned off their faces and girls having physical bitch-fights over a bloke. Anyway the Dark Park formal had even us gasping. The principal, Polly Parker-Carr invited us to come along to write about the event for the Scrubber-Town Saga, now changed to The Scrubber-Towner. The article was also to appear in the school mag, appropriately called The Dark Times. We think Polly hoped we'd talk up the event and gloss over the bad image everyone has of Dark Park High. We have news for you Poll, there's no way that's going to happen. We've had too much fun telling it exactly how it is.

Ms Parker-Carr hired the Scrubber-Town pink/purple leopard-print bus to take her rabble to the venue. Guess where that was. The hall used by the Dark Park Dramatics which is reportedly haunted, but more about that later. The sweets for the supper were provided by Cup-Cake City and because Polly didn't want the Stinky Deli involved (they had put in an offer), she had the Home Ec. students make savouries and sandwiches. Actually we think there's not much difference between the Home Ec kids and the Stinky Deli as both are quite capable of producing salmonella finger-food, but whatever; not our problem.We made a mental note to ourselves not to eat any of the savoury food.

We had to travel on the bus with this crazy bunch who we can practically guarantee are all headed for the Dark Park Detention Centre. The fashions worn by the girls were eye-opening and

 eye-popping. Slashing seemed to be the order of the day. Dresses and jumpsuits in various satins or Lurex were slashed to the waist, to the hip, off-the-shoulder, up the front, backless, super figure-hugging, or some wore hot-pants so short that half their bums were on display. Two girls even tried to get away with bikinis and stilettos. They were told in no uncertain terms to get home  and get dressed .We hear from our source that Kara-Lyn, when she heard about the up-coming formal, ordered in a range of formal dresses at Slaggs, and we hear that the girls eagerly bought them and then took them home to customize them. We believe Kara-Lyn altered some herself, so as the girls wouldn't have to take them home to show their mums. She told the mums that she was still waiting on deliveries. We all know how good Kara-lyn is at lying. The make-up was suitably heavy-handed and again our source reported to us that the Dark Park girls took over doing their own make –up , leaving Delfine's students, who were supposed to be applying it as their 'challenge of the month,' bewildered and in tears.

No amount of shouting by Delfine restored order. The Dark Park kids did exactly what they wanted and apparently really trashed the make-up stands. Topsy, the hairdresser from War Paint at Scrubber-Town tried to talk this mob into stylish up-do's , both to soften their look and to calm things down, but the girls would have none of it and they all wanted 'bedroom hair' or extra-long hair extensions. By the time they were finished they all looked ready for a night out with the Dark Park Demons ; the loser footy team.

The boys weren't to be out- done either. Most were dressed like rappers or pimps. A couple of them arrived with no shirts in order to show off their tattoos and were promptly sent home to get dressed by Polly, same as the girls wearing bikinis. They did leave but came back to the formal later, still minus shirts. Apparently the bikini girls didn't come back. By that time however, all was mayhem and all the kids were high or hysterical and no-one noticed. Ms Parker-Carr has no control whatsoever over this spotty lot and neither do the other teachers.

On the bus, the kids were up and down in their seats, taking selfies, sitting on each other's laps or trying to harass other students. The boys pointed at certain girls and sang; Who Let the Dogs Out. No amount of yelling: 'Sit down and shut the bloody hell up', by the bus driver or: 'Please sit down everyone'  by Polly had any effect. The boys just laughed and mimicked her by flapping their arms up and down saying;

'Please pretty Polly, Please pretty Polly' as if she was a parrot.

Stace and I spent most of our time at the back of the bus, trying hard not to laugh. We knew we shouldn't laugh and ought to try to set an example, but you know how it is when you're desperately trying not to laugh; it makes you want to all the more. Some kids had brought their own drinks ie, neat Vodka in school drink bottles, so were off their faces before we arrived . We think they'd started before boarding the bus too. How do we know this? We were offered some.

Several times the driver, who was getting really pissed off and fed-up, asked Ms Parker-Carr whether she wanted to turn around and take them back, but she told him to keep driving. She said she was sure things would be better when they all got off the bus. Some people are so naïve: sorry Poll, but you are. A few times the bus stopped and threats were made to try to restore order, but nothing worked. At last we arrived at the Dark Park Dramatics Hall. The drama about to evolve would eclipse any other production.

Tell youse the rest later,

Luv from Lacey and Stacey. xx

PS:  A 'Formal' is the Aussie equivalent of a Prom, with no doubt mega dollars spent at both. In Oz, Formals are held in year 11 and year 12 (the final year of high school).