Daddy issues

CHAPTER TWO: A Fresh Start

Tw: contains a mention/flashback of mild torture

*Annabella's POV*

I felt empty, lifeless, completely numb of all emotion. It was as if all the happiness had been sucked from the world. The green of the fields was now a dark shade of grey, the once blossoming flowers had since shrivelled up -covered with a thick layer of frost- the morning mist had caused the windows to freeze over slightly.

I looked to the platinum haired boy sitting across from me, only to see he was in a similar state as I was. Granted this experience only made me feel more sick to my stomach, but I don't think I looked nearly as bad as him. He looked awful.

*Draco's POV*

She was so pale, she looked awful... I mean in that very moment , otherwise Bella was an ever so attractive young lady. But something was off, I knew she felt it too... the emptiness.

There wasn't much that usually occupied my head or kept me happy, in fact I've never been happy. I have experienced moments of joy but that only happened when I was around Bella. Once you know her, my god she can brighten up any room with that stupid goofy smile she wears, she has a fire deep within her, she wasn't afraid to clap back at my father when he would punish us, she would even slap him back sometimes... obviously that only made matters worse, but she tried her best. Point is, she wasn't  afraid of anything as it seemed, in fact most of the time people were afraid of her, but something was off, she looked terrified. Yet she would always treat people with kindness, a kindness I never understood where she got from... my mother and father were far from kind, and her father wasn't any better, he was worse... and I mean she was raised by them too. Why wasn't she just as fucked up as me?
Or maybe she was. Maybe she just didn't like showing it.
Neither did I so I couldn't blame her, it was how we were raised.

That's how I knew she felt the emptiness too. She glanced up at me with eyes filled to the brim with salty tears, begging to be released, but she refused to let them. She held them in. After all, to show emotion is a weakness - a weakness that a family like ours cannot afford. That's what father had always said to us.

*Annabella's POV*

I was fighting back the urge to burst into tears as I felt the train come to a stop, the sound of the wheels grating against the now-frozen track creating an awful squeaking sound. It must have been below zero, as my breath was creating small clouds of steam in the icy compartment, I looked around and, sure enough, so was everybody else's. All of my worst memories came to mind. One significant one sticking out.

It was the summer holidays and it had been a rough day, I woke up having got only two hours of sleep that night and instantly knew the day was going to be bad. I don't know how. We'll just call it intuition. Narcissa and I were due to go to Diagon Alley to look for some strange new silks. She was a surprisingly good seamstress, she hand-made a lot of the dresses her and I would wear to events and we were always complimented on how we looked. Of course she would never tell them she fashioned them herself. Our kind of people couldn't fathom that some people like to do work and not sit around all day and be a housewife... I don't think Lucius or Draco even knew. But I did, and she was excellent, sometimes I even helped her design them. I originally complained about going to the Alley as I felt like shit and didn't want to awkwardly bump into any of Lucius's ministry friends that we would be obliged to talk to. But I went anyway. I actually enjoyed it there, I even found a floral piece of fabric that I could turn into a summer dress with a matching hairband. As we made our way back to the Manor after hours of searching for the silks and fabrics and popping into the quidditch supplies store as Draco needed some new gloves, and eventually going into a tearoom to enjoy a jam and cream scone with some tea (well Cissy had tea, I hated the stuff so I stuck with some good old pumpkin juice) I felt quite content, even though all I wanted to do was climb back into bed.
We arrived at the gates and I checked myself over, making sure there was nothing awry with my attire for Lucius to comment on. He loved to criticise me as of late, what with being expelled the previous week and sent home from school early due to it. I mean we all knew it was going to happen eventually, I didn't belong there, I could never be as elegant or gentle as those girls and it was ridiculous of them to think I could ever fit in. In that last week Lucius forced me to study and prepare for Hogwarts more than I have ever studied before, I received my fair share of insults too when I couldn't learn something as quickly as he had hoped I would.
But that day he acted different when we arrived home, he immediately launched himself at me, causing as shriek of terror to escape my throat, ignoring the cries of his wife to stop. He wrapped a hand around my neck and held me in place on the ground.

"I've decided to be nice to you today and give you the chance to tell me yourself..."

There was a pause, most likely where he had expected me to respond. I lay there my mouth agape, trying to form a sentence but my words seemingly failing me; I knew exactly what he meant. But how did he know?

I put everything back... I had been curious the night before, I heard him muttering something to Snape in hushed tones earlier on (Severus Snape was actually a professor at Hogwarts, he taught potions and was Draco's godfather). Then Lucius rushed into his office and showed him something... I wanted to know what it was, so I snuck in there after dark, I poked around some drawers and in the cupboards I even looked for a secret draw under the desk... but there was nothing. Nothing but a Death Eater mask, but I already knew about that, that wasn't a surprise.

When I didn't answer he took it as an admission of guilt. I knew what was coming, Lucius got off from on top of me, ushered his wife and child out of the room and reached for his wand.

"Please! Please don't do it! Lucius, please!"

"Crucio", wand pointed at my body, his facial expression cold and eyes glinting with anger.

I screamed, I cried out for help though to no avail, searing pain coursed through my entire body. I longed for it to stop. I knew he wouldn't stop until he felt satisfied.

"Your father gave me special permission to punish you as I see fit, you should expect this to happen more often, darling" he sneered as he pointed his wand harder at me, increasing my pain.
I squirmed, causing my back to arch in an unnatural manner and clenched my fists into balls making my knuckles turn white and my skin split, trying to get any relief from the pure agony I was experiencing. A deafening, high pitched screech filled the air and echoed off the cold, stone walls of the entrance hall. This was torture at its finest... and god did Lucius know how to do it the right way. Slowly, I felt the harsh torment seep into an aching discomfort as I stared into his eyes as he lifted me from the floor princess-style, walked my trembling body into the large seating area in front of the fire and  laid me on the plush velvet settee. I watched as his hand slid down his body to his trousers, unbuckling his belt and removing it. He folded it in half and suddenly I had a good idea of what he was going to do.

A low snarl left his mouth, "Now darling, I want you to count. Can you do that for me? Or are you too weak?"

I started to shiver and shake the memories mixed with the low temperature were too much, so I rubbed my arms and legs, praying that the friction could give some warmth and comfort. Of course Draco noticed and like a gentleman, took off his blazer and wrapped it around my body, then sat back down and rubbed his arms too.
I mumbled a small, "thank you"
And he nodded in return.

Then just like that it was over. Whatever had happened had stopped. The train began to move again and the warm atmosphere returned, leaving me utterly bewildered.

"Is that normal? You know... for that to happen? Whatever that was..."

I asked it nervously hoping I hadn't just imagined that whole situation.

"No... I have no idea what happened. Usually the journey is peaceful, not like that... Did you guys feel it too?" Pansy replied with a shaky voice and tears spilling down her face as Nott placed a comforting arm over her shoulder, trying his best to calm her down, quite clearly. Most of them gave a subtle nod, apart from Draco and I... we wouldn't dare admit a weakness, even to friends.
I sat up straight, trying my best to maintain my crumbling composure. I mean come on, I would be a fool to show any sign of weakness on my first day. God Annabella, pull yourself together!

About an hour later the buzz had died down and the train pulled into a small secluded station, everyone in the compartment stood up and Blaise turned to face me,

"We're here! Welcome to Hogwarts!", he paused, "well not quite Hogwarts yet, we will have to get a carriage. Did you know they pull themselves? Marvellous isn't it!",his voice sounding a little too cheery for my liking, but I ignored it and smiled in return to his attempt to lighten the heavy and unsettling mood that surrounded us.

After all, this was what I needed. A fresh start.