Custom Made For You

Chapter 46- I Wish We Were Talking About Cupcakes Instead

  Walking, I listened intently to what Vastel was telling me.

"This is actually a type of defense mechanism and is a type of survival skill. Dissociative amnesia can be caused by a traumatic experience. By forgetting, one can shield themselves from the psychological damage that had been done. I cannot say anything about you at the moment, but, it's safe to say that you may have this," he said.

I pinched the bridge of my nose, inhaling a large amount of oxygen, in a sad effort to concentrate on what he was saying.

"Would it be possible to retrieve my lost memories?" I asked, out of curiosity.

"Well, yes," he sounded oddly grief. "But, you would have the risk of developing fake 'memories'."

"It's alright, I was just asking. I don't think I'm ready to remember what had happened," I sighed. If it's something painful, I had no desire to remember anything related to it. I had the chance to have a new start, and it's something my brother sacrificed for. I wasn't strong to go back and pay what he had intentionally left behind a visit yet. I didn't know how much time I needed, I don't think I would ever know.

"I see. I should at least tell you that certain phrases, scents, photos, gestures, and sounds can trigger your unwanted memories. Sometimes, bits will try to resurface. While most people say that they experience reoccurring nightmares of the past events, not everyone is like that."

"Um, Vastel?"

"Yeah?"

"What about split personality?"

"What about it?"

"Can that also happen because of past trauma?"

"Well, yes. Sometimes, some people create split personalities to protect themselves. Other times, the personalities are formed because of someone in their live, or, they are the quote-on-quote more ideal version of the person."

I decided that I had heard enough of my mental state that day. I arrived at Airi's front door, proceeded to check if anybody was around me, and opened the door with the spare key I had on me.

"Okay," I noted, while fumbling with the keys. "I'm curious about something, though."

"I'm listening, I'll answer all your questions as best as I can," he replied in a soothing voice. It made me feel a little safe hearing his tone.

"What drove my brother to kill my parents?" I asked, having the feeling that being straightforward was the easiest to get some answers. I opened the door, stepping into the familiar living place of my best friend.

"Well," he paused for a few seconds, I could sense the atmosphere change. "I'm afraid I can't answer that, sadly. I don't know either. This is something you should ask him yourself when we see him."

"Wait, we?"

I did not think that he would wanna see my brother with me.

"Yeah, I have......things to ask him too."

"Vastel?"

"I know, I probably disappointed you because I didn't have the answer. But, there are some things even I don't know. Sometimes even I don't get him."

"No, not that."

"What? More questions about trauma and mental illness and such?"

"No, it's just a question about you and my brother."

He hummed in curiosity as a reply.

I looked around again before locking the door. We seriously didn't need any other company.

"What is your relationship with my brother? You can't just be friends, right? So, what's up?"

I could hear his nervous throat clearing.

"Um, let's just say, he's my liebling, and, y'know......" He trailed off.

"What even is a li-"

"Anyway," he cut me off with his sudden high pitched voice. "I asked Luzien to go accompany you tonight. We don't want you to fend for yourself."

"What? Vastel, no! You can't just do that!"

"Well, I can, and Luzien agreed to do it. So, you better open the door for him, yeah?"

"Vas-"

'He hung up. HOLY CRAP, HE HUNG UP,' my brain panicked.

Right on cue, the doorbell rang. Oh, come on. Gods, save me.