THE PASSAGE

One Strange Evening

Chapter 26

I close my eyes and think back to biology class. In reality, only two hormones need to be released by the pituitary gland to signal the female body to produce breast milk, prolactin, and oxytocin. Once these hormones are in the bloodstream, the process begins. It's that simple.

I think back to the visit with the hypnotherapist and her telling us about the process of being hypnotized. The process involves getting a person to the point where they are almost asleep. The gap between sleep and consciousness is where the sub-conscious mind absorbs information that can manipulate the brain and the body. I wonder if I can convince my subconscious mind that I am pregnant.

I try to bring myself to the point of almost being asleep and imagine my belly huge, a baby inside and ready to come out. I run my hands over my breasts and imagine I feel a trickle of wetness there. I circle a hand over the imaginary bulge at my belly, feeling it stretched tightly and feeling the baby moving within me. I try to stay in this state between sleep and consciousness for as long as I can, embedding into my mind a new reality about myself.

*****

"Jamie, wake up."

I cringe when I feel a hand shaking my shoulder. I open my eyes, startled and confused at first, turning my face away from a bright light.

"Jamie, are you ill?"

"Um, no, I don't think so. Why do you ask? Is there something wrong?"

"I woke to you bawling like a calf separated from its mama."

"Oh, I'm ... sorry. I suppose I was dreaming. Maybe I don't feel so good after all. Solstice, I'm dying of thirst. Could you get me a bottle of water, please?"

I put my palm to Toby's forehead, finding that his fever hasn't broken. I listen to his breathing as Solstice retrieves a bottle of water. She hands me the bottle and then turns her attention to Toby. I open it and gulp it all down in seconds.

"Solstice, can we spare more?"

She looks at me, a puzzling stare about her.

"You just drank all that, and you want more?"

She lays her palm on my forehead, then looks into my eyes, and then pinches the skin on the back of my hand. "Are you sure you're not feeling ill?"

"I'm not altogether sure. I'm feeling a bit dizzy, and I feel tiny pinpricks all over my body. Plus, I woke up very thirsty, and I'm hungry as well."

She retrieves another bottle and hands it to me. I pull the blanket over my chest as I sit up and drink more water, slower this time.

"Your breaths are very rapid. What were you dreaming about?"

I tell Solstice of me trying to meditate about being pregnant, and how the meditation carried on into a dream of me delivering a baby, and when I pushed him out, it was Cain. I finish half of the second bottle of water and then hand it to her before reaching my hand under the blanket and scratching at my breasts, noticing how sore I feel in that area. Solstice seems to sense this and grabs the blanket to pull it down. Instinctively I grab hold of it and pull it tighter.

"Jamie, the symptoms you are describing sound like side effects of bestowing the rights, although I'm not sure why you didn't experience them sooner. It's okay, let's have a look."

I slowly release my grasp on the blanket and allow her to pull it down off my chest, flinching when her hands come in contact with my breast. At first, she examines one, then the other, and then lightly sweeps her fingers above and below each.

She looks up at me with a hopeful and excited look on her face.

"Jamie, I think it may have worked after all."

Her face turns into a smile of excitement, and she wraps her arms around my neck.

"Really? Are you sure?"

"I think so, judging from your symptoms. Do you feel any discomfort in your breasts?"

"They feel sore, and I feel the pinpricks more in that area."

"Yes, that's an excellent sign. Do you feel any certain need or desire?"

"Um, what do you mean?"

"When I bestowed the rights to Lana, she felt a certain desire right after, and the midwife said it was a sure sign of success."

"Um, I'm just hungry."

"Besides food, is there anything that would bring you comfort right now?"

"To know that Toby's condition is improving would bring me comfort."

"Yes, I'm sure, but is there anything else besides that?"

I'm not sure what answer she is looking for, so I think about it for a few moments, somewhat reluctant to say what's really on my mind.

"Well, it may sound a bit silly, but I feel a strong need to cuddle with Cain. That would bring me comfort."

Solstice wraps her arms around my neck again, and I realize that was the answer she was hoping to get. I get up on unsteady and go pee, and then I eat a can of nasty sardines and finish the bottle of water as Solstice shows me how to massage my breasts to help speed up the process. She urges me to take Cain to my bed so that he could be close to me, and I could feel how much he needs me.

I massage as Solstice showed me for about thirty minutes until my hands are too tired to continue. Then I hug Cain close to me and fall asleep.

******

I wake during the night to Cain stirring and grunting, and with a motherly instinct about me now, I pull him closer. I massage my breasts again, now feeling pinpricks and tingling more strongly than before in both. After a few moments, I gasp softly in surprise when I feel wetness. I squeeze harder and feel warm liquid pooling in my hand. I can hardly believe this. I look at Cain and can scarcely believe what I'm about to attempt.

Cain continues to stir as soft cries escape him, and I decide to give it a try. I pull his head to my breast, and in just a few moments, he appears to be suckling. This is so bizarre. I softly place my fingers on Cain's throat and am delighted when I feel him swallowing. But at the same time, I think that this is so wrong and taboo. Never, ever, even in my wildest dreams, would I have imagined this.

While Cain nurses, I massage my other breast and soon feel liquid pooling in my hand. I almost think I'm dreaming again. Maybe I am.

"Solstice." I wait a few moments, then call her name again, louder this time.

"What is it?"

"You better come over here."

She immediately gets up, and I hear her fumbling for the flashlight. When she finds it, she turns it to the low beam and walks over. She looks down at Cain at my breast, and her mouth goes wide, two tears forming in the corner of her eyes, a smile on her face.

"I was so worried about him, Jamie. I didn't know how much longer I could keep him alive. You're a godsend. Thank you for doing this."

"You're welcome. I was a little apprehensive at first, but it's not so bad."

"I'm sure. I can't even imagine how you must be feeling right now. You haven't even had any time to prepare for this mentally."

While Cain nurses, she sits on the bedside the whole time and thanks me repeatedly, kissing Cain on the cheek, rubbing his back, and checking to make sure he is swallowing okay. After about fifteen minutes, Cain appears to have lost interest.

"Should I switch over to the other now?" I ask.

"No, I've had another idea."

"What is it?"

"Let's see if we can get Toby to take some milk also."