THE PASSAGE

Just Cain and I

Chapter 50

After Toby leaves, I start to worry that he may not find Solstice, or even get lost himself. But I soon shake it off and think more positively about the situation. Toby has hiked the area before and is already familiar with it. I wonder why he chose to start looking for her in the direction he went. I suppose that it is the most logical place to begin searching since she most likely didn't cross the creek.

Inside I hear Cain start to cry, and realize he hasn't eaten since early this morning.

"Hi, Cain. I'm sorry, I know you're starving."

As I nurse Cain, I think of Solstice, wondering again what could have happened to her. All we know for sure is that she planned on going outside because she had taken the time to grab a flashlight and a blanket. I rule out the possibility of her having heard something and gone to investigate because she would have woken Toby and me. I try to think of different scenarios, but none of them make any sense.

After Cain finishes, I eat leftover pork and purple fruit for a late lunch. Afterward, I take Cain down to the creek so we can both bathe. We play in the water for a while and then sit on the beach. After about another hour, we head back to the cabin. I open the door, and the feeling of loneliness sets in again.

I lay Cain down for a nap, and when he falls asleep, I take the opportunity to collect a little firewood in the area around the cabin. When I finish gathering wood, I lie next to him and take a nap myself.

Cain wakes me in the late afternoon, telling me that he is hungry again. I wake up disoriented after having slept for about three hours. After he nurses, we walk up to the grove so I can pick a few purple fruits and kill time watching the monkeys during their afternoon feeding. We stay until the temperature starts to fall, and I feel it is too cold for Cain to be out.

When we get back to the cabin, I lay Cain on the bed and start a fire. I heat the last of the leftover pork and cook a baked potato over the coals for supper. For dessert, I cut up a purple fruit.

After Cain has fallen asleep and I'm all alone, loneliness and worry set in. Toby was hoping to pick up on Solstice's trail and direction of travel by the end of today. I sit on the bench, gazing into the flames and think about Toby, and I wonder if he's warm enough tonight. I conclude that I shouldn't worry about him because he's a skilled tracker and accustomed to the woods. He'll be okay.

I think about Solstice now, all alone tonight in the cold of the evening, probably thirsty and hungry and scared, no way to start a fire for warmth, lying on the hard ground, shivering under her thin blanket.

I bury my face in my hands and realize that I need to get my mind off of her and let Toby handle that. There is nothing I can do, and worry won't help. I need to try and find something to occupy myself.

I walk up to the table where my unfinished skirt lays and pick it up, trying to convince myself to take it by the fire and work on it, but soon drop it back to where it was. It was something Solstice, and I did together, and working on it tonight would remind me of her.

I reach over and pick up the one she'd been working on and look it over, trying to picture what it would look like on her. I pick mine back up and hold the two side-by-side. A giggle escapes my lips as I think about us secretly planning the little ceremony by the creek where we would wear these skirts for the first time, giving ourselves to Toby as his wives. We would make matching halter tops to go with the skirts and pick wildflowers to go in our hair and around our ankles. I had even started teaching Solstice a song that we were going to sing to Toby, and we'd practiced it when we were alone. We had even started making up a dance to go with it.

I lay the unfinished skirts back on the table when I catch myself lamenting that we'll never get to have that little ceremony. I need to rid those thoughts from my mind and think positively. Toby will find her. He may have already found her, and they may even be back by tomorrow.

I walk to the bed and pull up on the corner of the mattress and retrieve the empty notebook I had grabbed at Pops. Tonight would be a good night to start that journal. I've wanted to write about our adventures here. I move the benches out of the way, pull the blankets off the spare bed, and make myself a little pallet in front of the fire. As I open the notebook, I think about the journal that we found here a few weeks ago and decide that my purpose for writing this journal should be for the next occupants of this cabin, should there be any. With Solstice having disappeared mysteriously, I realize that anything could happen to us here.

I reach for the pen and begin writing, first introducing myself and my background. I continue with Julie Brown leading me to Pop and Toby, her coming to me in the dream, her connection with the mysterious creature, Wolf. I write until deep in the night as the words flow smoothly from my mind to the paper. Sometime around midnight, I add wood to the fire and then crawl in bed next to Cain.