Agony of a lost soul - Chuuya x Reader

Chapter 9

"This night is so wonderful. I've never seen a sunset before. I was used to being kept in dark places. Unable to see the passing days. Or even know what day it would be. They used to melt into one another. One day became the next. I could be gone for weeks and weeks and it could literally only feel like one hellish dream. I never really believed in dreams. I always thought they were childish illusions to make you feel safe when you slept. But with the hell I've been through, no childish illusion could make me feel safe at all." You thought to yourself.

After what seemed like mere hours, you arrived at the Port Mafia. You weren't aware that you had actually arrived, until Chuuya turned off the car engine. You still stared out at the sky as if it were a canvas you had spent hours on. After several failed attempts, he managed to get your attention. He looked like his expression changed when you snapped from your daydream. It looked as if he had worry plastered across his face, even if he tried to hide it.

"Sorry I was daydreaming." You say to break the silence.

"About?" He asked as he brought you to the Port Mafia infirmary.

"The sky. The sunset. My past that haunts me so." You reply.

"Why were you daydreaming about your past?" He asked.

"I have never seen the sunset before. I'd always be locked away for weeks, the only light I'd see would be the harsh lights in the halls. It always felt like the days would melt into one another. And it felt like a hellish dream, though I don't really believe in dreams." You pause, not wanting to ramble on and on.

"What do you mean you don't believe in dreams?" He asked, placing you down on one of the beds. You hadn't even realised you had arrived yet.

"Dreams are just childish illusions that make you feel safe while you sleep. But no amount of childish illusions could make me feel safe when I sleep. I'm constantly waking from nightmares every night. Nightmares of my past." You say.

After finishing your sentence, Chuuya left to go and find some supplies. You just sat on the bed, trying to adapt to your surroundings. It felt abnormal to you. You were constantly alone. You never had anyone there for you. Since your parents died, you had spiralled down. You were stuck in a constant loop of killing and being tortured. A loop you couldn't escape until you had a run-in with the Port Mafia. Although they tried to get information out of you, they didn't torture you. You weren't that much of a threat to them. Sure, you had a strong ability, but you never tried to kill them. You just fought.

You thought back to Dazai's expression when he saw you had an ability. It was asecret you wanted to keep, but one that would come out, nonetheless. Now Atsushi knew as well. You wondered what the Armed Detective Agency might bedoing in their search for you. If they are searching for you. You wondered ifthey were adamant to find you and try to bring you back to their side. You wanted to remove these thoughts from you head but couldn't. Why were you suddenly concerned about whether or not the Armed Detective Agency wanted you back or not.

Dazai's POV:
"How are we on finding Y/N?" Kunikida asks, staring at that book of his.

"Nothing." Atsushi says.

"I think finding them is a waste of our time." I say. I'm well aware of the situation, no-one else is.

"And why's that, Dazai?" Kunikida asks me, annoyed as always.

"Maybe they wanted some time to themselves." Atsushi pipes up.

"They did say they were going to leave Yokohama for a bit. Whether you believe it or not is up to you." I responded. I didn't believe them one bit.

"Oh is that so? Have you tried tracking their phone?" Kunikida asks.

"Yes but it's pointless. They know what they're doing. It pings off of different towers all over the world, so their location can't be pinpointed." Atsushi says.

"Hmm. I have a bad feeling about this." Kunikida says.

"You have a point, Kunikida. Something doesn't feel right." Atsushi replies.

At the moment, I'm having a hard time keeping this massive secret from my friends. It hurt to let them go on this wild goose chase. But they were extremely insistent on finding them. But like they said, they're just our assistant. They've only been with us less than a week. I want to tell this secret, but I don't know how. I could tell Kunikida, but he'd probably get mad. I hate this and want the goose chase to end, but how?

"Ranpo. Can I talk with you somewhere?" I ask. He's probably the best person to ask for help.

"Hmm? Sure Dazai. What's up?" Ranpo says.

We walked off somewhere while everyone continued on the pointless wild goose chase.

"Ok I need your help." I say, trying not to sound desperate.

"Let me guess. This wild goose chase is pointless because you know exactly where Y/N is. However, you don't know whether you should tell everyone else or not." Ranpo responds.

"Yes. I'm thinking of not telling anyone and just hoping nobody else finds out." I say.

"If Y/N is Port Mafia, everyone is going to find out eventually." Ranpo said, whispering the Port Mafia part.

"True. Let's just hope we don't end up having to fight them. Atsushi already has. I'm hoping it stays that way. As of now, you and I are the only ones that know. And I'd like to keep it that way. At least until combat may happen." I respond.

"I agree. Does Atsushi not know? Also, who knows they have an ability? I'm guessing they didn't mention it when applying to be our assistant." Ranpo enquires.

"No Atsushi doesn't know. And only me, you and Atsushi know they have an ability. But I'm gonna take a guess that everyone may find out sooner or later." I say.