𝐖𝐡𝐞𝐧 𝐖𝐞 𝐖𝐞𝐫𝐞 𝐔𝐬

Part 6 ~ Illusion, that's all

Anika's Point Of View ~ 

My reflection is shown before me as I quickly check myself in my car mirror. I hop out. I don't know why I am so nervous. I have no reason to be. It's not like I have never been here before. I did . . all the time when I was growing up. I walk in, looking around for Lisa. Hmm I can't seem to find her, not yet. There are people everywhere as well as music playing in the background. 

Such a busy night. 

Oh. I can see Lisa now. She stands up from the table where she sits alone, waving at me as she always does. In a way that makes me smile. She hasn't changed. I move around people, excusing myself any which way. I smile as I get closer to her, her features returning the favour. I wave at her almost making it to the table where Lisa waits. Wait. I saw something, something that catches my eye. Someone . . looking very familiar. I stop completely in my tracks. My eyes and ears at the ready. I look everywhere, I listen to everything. Please mind, do not play tricks on me. If he is here then show him to me. Give him to me. I look but I see nothing, no one. I turn to face Lisa once again, forcing a smile this time. I swear I saw him. One foot steps in front of me but I stop. I saw him again. I saw him . . ugh, did I? I saw his black hair. It was only a second and then he was gone but there was an angelic nature about him. Is that him? He is here? I feel my heart begin to beat faster and faster, my eyes darting here and there as my breathing turns rapid. Butterflies in my stomach. Lisa walks up to me. 

"Anika dear, are you okay? . . " She asks me. 

Her voice full of concern. I feel her hand placed gently on my shoulder. Her eyes on me intensely as she waits for my response. I look at Lisa knowing that I can't give that to her right now. I can't speak right now. My eyes stare back in the direction of that man and I just listen. I hear a sound that instantly makes me smile. It's a sound that settles these butterflies all at once. It's gentle, calming and incredibly captivating. A sound that I still remember and even after all these years. I have not forgotten. That feeling, that sound . . to me, it belongs to only one person in the world. The room is crowded. But I try to see him. I want to see him. I need to see if it's him. 

To an observer, I must look in such distress yet in such peace. As they ponder to themselves what in the world is happening in my mind right now. What am I thinking? I look around once again, in a frantic way this time. 

"Anika, is everything okay? . . " I hear Lisa ask me again. 

I can't see him. Where is he?

I swear, it was him. 

"Anika! . . " 

I hear Lisa. This time, she is loud and clear. My mind coming back into reality. I look at her, feeling some slight embarrassment. I just really thought he was here. I really thought it was him, that it was actually him. But it wasn't. It's just me, it's just my mind. Since I got here, my mind has been thinking about him. Missing him. And so, I have imagined him so much that I'm just thinking he is here. It's not real . . he isn't here. It's just an illusion, that's all. 

"What is wrong, Anika? Are you okay? . . " She asks me softly. 

I shake it off, everything. I shouldn't be thinking about him, not at all. Why do I keep doing this to myself? I put all of my focus onto Lisa. She is still standing with me, unsure on what to do. 

"I'm sorry Lisa. I'm fine I promise . . " I tell her. 

"Goodness Anika, what were you trying to see? . . " She asks, her voice full of worry. 

"Nothing. Nothing at all . . " I say. 

We both walk to the table. Lisa already ordering us a glass each of red wine. I take a sip. The wine falls down my throat before I set my glass gently back onto the table. Wetting my lips, I clear my throat once the wine is no longer there. My eyes darting back out where the sea of people are around us. Stop it, Anika. It is not him. It never was him. I don't even know if he still lives here. I still don't know this. I haven't seen him since I arrived here so . . maybe he doesn't. Not anymore. He left, just like I did. Lisa leans in closer to me, talking loudly to ensure I can hear her. 

"How is everything going with your grandmother? . . " Lisa asks me. 

I am worried about her. Each day that comes and then goes, I feel parts of her doing the same. But for now, I just shrug at Lisa. Not wanting to go into it too much with her. Lisa means well but it does greatly upset me. I put on a brave face. 

"I'm just keeping an eye on her . . " I say quietly. 

"Remember Anika, I'm right next door. I am here to help you if you need me . . " She says. 

I smile. "Thank you, Lisa . . " 

I am so worried about my grandmother. Hoping for the best but preparing for the worst. I am just thankful that I am here with her now. My grandmother is a strong one. That's why I love her, admire her. I always have. When I was growing up, I would always think how amazing she is. She is just my world. After all, she is all I have. My wine glass now empty. I look over, seeing Lisa's glass is also empty. 

"Another round . . " Lisa says, laughing. 

"This time it's on me . . " I say. 

I see something . . someone in the corner of my eye again. That familiar person. I keep my eyes looking towards the direction of this familiar stranger who seems to be lurking around. Wanting and hoping that this time, I get a glimpse. I scan every single person before me. My stare is agitated yet calm. Because I feel that it's not him . . he's not here. I can't help but to feel disappointment run throughout me. My mind is just playing tricks on me. I am thinking about him too much that I'm just simply imagining that he is here, when he is not. It's all in my head. 

I need to stop this. 

Suddenly I hear my phone ring from inside my handbag. Lisa telling me to answer it. I express my apologies to her before I press the green button, accepting the call. It's Darren. He is asking me how my grandmother is doing. Any changes? Any dramatic . . yet? My heart hurts as it's said but I know that she eventually with time, get worse. I look back up at Lisa as I'm speaking to Darren. Her eyes looking at something . . at someone, perhaps. I wonder what she's looking at. I study her face. Noticing that her face has rapidly changed to shock . . panic even. What is she seeing? I'm concerned. I tell Darren that I must go. He gives his love to my grandmother. I hang up the phone, shoving it back in my handbag with no real care.

"Lisa, what's wrong? What do you see? . . " 

She looks at me. Her stare softens suddenly as her eyes meet me once again but her voice is different. It's so different. It's like she has just seen a ghost. 

"Ah . . umm . . oh my goodness . . " She says, stuttering. 

She clears her throat. 

" . . it's nothing . . " Lisa laughs nervously. 

"Are you sure? . . " I ask, giving her a slight smile. 

She just nods her head, not saying much else about it. That was weird. As long as I have known Lisa, she has never acted like that before. I have never seen her look so shocked before. But I take her word for it. Shaking it off. It must be nothing if Lisa says so.

"Okay well, I think we need more wine . . " I get up. Smiling mischievously. 

"Anika, it's fine really. No more wine for me . . " She says, another nervous laugh. 

I shake my head, laughing as I start to walk away from our table and towards the bar. 

"One more wine round on me . . " I say giggling.  

"Anika, come back please. Look, I should tell you -  . . " 

I hear Lisa's voice. But only hearing a small part of her voice before it eventually disappears, evaporating into the air as I get further and further away from her. I stand in line to order our wines. My eyes looking anywhere and everywhere while I wait in line. My mind is calm now, thank goodness. The lady in front of me placing her order. She then moves away. Great, it's my turn. I move forward. I look up, focusing on what is in front of me . . who is in front of me. 

Oh my god! 

to be continued.