𝐖𝐡𝐞𝐧 𝐖𝐞 𝐖𝐞𝐫𝐞 𝐔𝐬

Part 16 ~ Memories

Anika's Point Of View ~ 

I find what I am searching for. Yesterday with Michael really got me thinking and I need to find the box. But it's not just any box . . the box. It contains multiple photo albums as they contain many photos that I wish to see. To allow me to relive them all over again. I want to look through all of them, yes . . one photo album in particular. I take out a photo album. It's the first one that I see. As I open the cover, I see me as a baby. 

I disagree but grandmother always says how adorable I was. 

As I flip through, a small photo falls out and onto my lap. I pick it up and look at it. It's a picture of grandmother and grandfather together. It is a very old photo - black and white, it is. It was taken when they were much younger. I look at grandmother, seeing she is smiling. Just always smiling I remember. I look at grandfather. I do remember him but not too much. He passed away more than a decade ago now. Wow. How quickly that went by. I think back . . I was still in school. It was sudden, really sudden. It was like he was here and then he was gone. I was so young so I don't remember too much but I do remember it went something like that. I keep flicking through as each picture is different from the last. 

So many memories. 

I look up suddenly as I hear something. It's grandmother, she's walking down the hall towards me as she puts her robe on, wrapping it around herself. 

"Grandmother, did you sleep at all? . . I ask her. 

"Yes dear. I will have another lay down later on . . " She informs me. 

She comes and sits on the lounge behind me as I'm sitting on the floor, in front of the lounge with the coffee table in front of me. The box sits on the table . . open, waiting me me to look through them. To find that particular photo album. I know it's in there somewhere. I feel grandmother put on her clear, large reading glasses as she leans forward to look too. 

"Are these our photos over the years? . . " She asks me. 

"Oh I haven't looked at any of these for years! . . " 

Grandmother says. She sounds excited to be doing this with me. Yet another page of photos passes by as I flip past it, already had looked at it. We gasp when we see the next photo. It's a photo of my first birthday it reads. I don't remember this birthday. Of course not. I was only one. I was far too young. We both laugh. 

"Oh you were a happy little girl, Anika. Especially that day . . " Grandmother says. 

I look at her. 

"You remember this day? . . " I ask her, pointing to the photo. 

"I do. It was your very first birthday, dear . . " She says. 

I look back at the photo but I'm thinking to myself . . she remembers this? That is a fantastic sigh. I feel a light beam within me suddenly. Like it turned on just now knowing grandmother remembers this even thought it was many years ago. It was only a few days ago she wasn't remembering much of anything. She didn't even remember Michael. When he was so much a part of my life when he and I were dating. So to me, it's a great sign. It makes me so happy. 

"What else can you tell me about this day, grandmother? . . " I ask her. 

I feel as though my voice is begging for her to tell me, to tell me everything. I watch how grandmother thinks. It's in a way that tells she is more than happy to speak on it. It must've been such a happy time for her and grandfather as my new guardians. 

"Well, your grandfather was making such a fuss. Oh he was so excited, Anika . . " 

She continues happily. 

"He made you a birthday cake himself the night before. But he burnt it . . " 

She says, laughing as she thinks back to it. 

"So he had to run to the shops at the last moment . . " 

I chuckle. Oh dear. More and more photos are put into our view. I remember each of them. Grandmother remembering only bits and pieces. But she remembers grandfather the most it seems. I am so happy about that. I guess you just can't forget love like that with someone so special to you. 

Well, I never did. 

Maybe that is why she does remember? 

I don't know. I am trying my best to keep positive when it comes to what is happening with grandmother. That photo album is now put aside as each photo has now been seen. That kinda of love . . I had that with someone. With Michael. It makes me hope to find it in here. I flip open the next photo album. Nope. No. Not this one. I pick up yet another one. The first page is what I want to see. I gasp so softly to myself. I found it. 

It's Michael on the first page. It's Michael and I. 

I begin to flip through it but this time, more slowly. Much more slowly. Wow. I remember. Insanely so many memories coming back, feeling like it's all at once. I look at us. We were so funny together. It's as if, we loved each other so much that we were just so comfortable around one another. There was never a dull moment. Like everyday, every time we would be together . . it was just knowing that we could truly just be no one but ourselves. I smile as I look through them slowly. Oh man. Oh my god. Look at Michael. Look at us. I look at a particular photo that catches my eye. It was taken at a weekend picnic. Grandmother took it. I remember this day so clearly. I love that I don't need to look too far into my mind for all of these memories. For such memories that are so dear to me. Incredibly special . . memories that I have kept close to my heart and especially for the past 10 years. Memories that have always been there but I never dared to ever open them. However, they always remained there. As if they were just waiting for me to one day come across them again. 

"Who is that dear? . . " Grandmother asks me. 

I point to him, wanting to ask her yet again. I just want to see if maybe this time around, she does remember Michael. "That is Michael. Do you remember him? . . " 

I don't take my eyes off her. She is thinking. She is really trying to think. I feel so bad. I know she is trying her best. Grandmother knows what is happening to her, I know. I know she knows. But I don't want to bring it up with her. I just don't want to hurt her. 

"Michael? . . " She looks back at his picture. But she shakes her head softly. 

"No. I don't seem to remember him, dear, I'm sorry . . " 

Grandmother says sadly. I put my hand on her arm, telling her it's okay. That everything will be okay. I look back at the photo. Back at Michael. Oh how I recall this day so well. It feels like this photo was only just taken. It was a Summer day. It was just days before Christmas too. Oh, the three of us have the best time that day. It was just sand and smiles. 

"He is very handsome . . " 

Grandmother says suddenly. It makes me giggle, not disagreeing with her. No, she certainly isn't wrong. As I look at the photo, I think back to yesterday. It was such a great day. So much fun. So much laughter. How we just talked and talked about our past together mostly. Talking about moments just like this photo. The way Michael remembered that I love chocolate. That was so cute. He even remembered what chocolate I used to buy. And us being silly about it. It felt as if he was mine again. I can't help but to think back to the feeling I got when he was standing right in front of me. 

His smell. 

Oh how I miss his touch . . his skin. 

I am such a horrible person for even thinking this way. Michael isn't my husband. But I can't ignore it. It's far too strong. I want it back. But I know that I can't have it that way. It doesn't work like that. As he stood in front of me, it made my mind flash before me . . all of the memories of us together. Both innocent and the not so. His skin on mine, his lips on mine. His body on mine. I want Michael to be mine again. Give him to me. Give him back to me. I hate myself for leaving. I love still so much. Ugh, Anika. Stop it. I need to stop thinking that way of Michael. I had my chance. 

And I ruined it. 

to be continued.