𝐖𝐡𝐞𝐧 𝐖𝐞 𝐖𝐞𝐫𝐞 𝐔𝐬

Part 24 ~ So Lovesick

Anika's Point Of View ~

My eyes look all around the room. It's the room where grandmother will be living. Susan, the aged care worker shows us everything - the joined bathroom, shower and even a double sink. I know grandmother won't be having many guests but it's good to have. The double bed . . it's soft and very comfortable. A large window that sits opposite it. 

It intrigues me. 

It makes me walk over, looking out. Such a lovely view. It's a sight that makes me smile as it feels that the entire grounds of this institution are right before me. The colours of this room - bright and inviting. The pastel pinks with dashes of white. The use of flowers but not overly done. 

Grandmother will love it here. 

She was so supportive, so understanding in my struggles. The fact that I need help . . she didn't object. She just got it. The sprint of relief I have as it rushes through me from time to time, still. The nurses at the hospital have my contact information in case they desperately need me but right now, I'm here. At this nursing home . . with Michael. I told him I was coming here and he insisted that he come along with me for support, he calls it. But it's so sweet of him. He really didn't have to. My eyes continue to scan everywhere. And I'm left very happy, very pleased with this place. Lisa did a fantastic job in finding it, coming to have a look herself before filling me in. And I think we found it. We found the right one now and it's a great feeling. 

"Your grandmother will be happy here, I'm sure of it . . " 

Susan says happily. The reassurance in her voice makes me mentally calm down. I nod my head, smiling back at her. I snap my head to the side to look around at things I have already cast a gaze at. But I feel her still looking at me . . at Michael and I. 

"How long have you been together? . . " 

Susan asks the both of us as her eyes shift from me to Michael. My eyes on Michael, his eyes on me. The pair of us wanting to set the record straight but neither of us are able to even speak. I feel myself want to lie. To state to Susan that we are together. I know. Horrible. But I can't help how I feel towards Michael . . how I have always felt about him, even after I left. Well, leaving was what was necessary at the time to help me to move on . . after he hurt me. Let me lie - can I? Please. I shouldn't. No, I won't. But I wish to do more, like take hold of Michael's hand. Kiss his cheek . . his lips once again. Those are something I can't seem to get enough of and yet it's a line I should never have crossed. But when I look at Michael, it's all I think about. So wrong . . but I'm so lovesick. I am waiting for someone to wake me up. To pull me away from Michael. For them to then tell me . . it's all just a dream. Once again, my mind has got the best of me. 

But no, please. 

This is real. It has to be. 

It is real, all of it. I have never felt about a man the way I do with Michael. Does it make sense? No. I am a married women . . to another man. Yes, I love my husband. But I'm in love with Michael. Totally and completely. We have many memories . . such history. The way Michael touches me, kisses me. It's different. I love it. Michael's kiss the other night . . his midnight kiss, I like to call it. Oh wow. He draws me in. It's so powerful. Our love is still there. For me, it never truly left as I instead would bury it all away. And as for Michael, well I can't speak for him but it seems he feels the same too. I want to ask him though. And I want to speak about . . that time. A time that I never forgot. It's not something you do forget but something that stays with you forever. No amount of time can erase that. But I was hurt too. My head hangs down in my mind, knowing all too well that I hurt Michael . . so much more than he did me. Michael answers Susan's question.