𝐖𝐡𝐞𝐧 𝐖𝐞 𝐖𝐞𝐫𝐞 𝐔𝐬

Part 36 ~ Honest

Michael's Point Of View ~

I waved as she turned around to wave at me. Before her back was to face me once more for Anika to proceed to where she is meant to go. I watch her as she goes around the corner and just like that, she's out of my sight . . but not out of my life.

These last few days have been very relaxing. I wanted it that way. After the funeral, Anika and I have kept a very low profile. All of her bags and belongings, along with her, have been staying with me. She couldn't go back to her grandmothers after losing her, Anika said to me. Her heart healing slowly after the fact but it's her heart that is going to take yet another blow. For it is the day for Anika to return back to Sydney, back to Darren. Anika wishes to speak with him. A conversation that she doesn't wish to have but one that is much needed and quite long overdue. Anika says, she must be honest with Darren now. She must be honest with herself.

It's simple, really.

Anika doesn't love Darren anymore. He's a good man, but he's also one she doesn't feel that rush of overwhelming fondness for. We talked about it. I asked Anika if she was sure. She is. It was the way she said it . . she said it with her eyes, her heart. She loves me. She's in love with me and now that she found me after those 10 years, she never wants to let me go again. A divorce will be put into the mix but she does wish to remain friends with Darren. But, she knows that won't happen as it only rarely has been the outcome for some. But she's hopeful. It was last night, Anika and I couldn't fall asleep, so we started talking. She told me things, about Darren. About their relationship. She said she feel pregnant a few years back to Darren, back when they were trying for a baby . . but, Anika suffered from a miscarriage, losing the baby.

Triggered? . . no.

Our baby was a choice, a surprise more like. But a choice that Anika made because she could, because she knew it was the right thing for her to do. And I understand that now. As for Darren and Anika's baby, that was life. When life is at its most cruel. Devastating. Anika told me it was during that time where she thought about me even more. Where she craved for my presence, where she truly cried for me. But it was what she said next that really broke me.

I don't want her thinking like that.

She said when she lost the baby with Darren, she felt like she was being punished for what she did to our baby. I remember immediately throwing my arms around her. Desperate to give her comfort, to give her my presence that she so craved . . that she cried for. So that her tears for me, would stop, once and for all. I held her and did so for as long as it took. I didn't care. Then something came over me. I placed my hand onto her thigh . . the softness of her skin. The warmth it contained. She lay down for me, as I got on top of her. I looked into her eyes, seeing a plea . . like her eyes were speaking to me . . or trying to. For the rest of the night, we made love.

Such passion, so much love.

At the time, it was beautiful. Just her and I. But now, it's just me. Anika has left but only for a little while. I have left the airport now, heading home. But I have done something that I never thought I would. I couldn't get myself to do it back then . . 10 years ago. I was still trying to understand it myself. So, I invited mother to come over.

And I'm going to tell her.

How mother will take it, I don't know.

It's a terrifying thought. But I have to, I must. Because now, I do understand. A beautiful gift, yes, but one that we were not ready for as us ourselves were still . . well, only teenagers. I arrive back home to see mothers car is parked. She's here. Having made my way to my apartment, I place a slightly shaking hand on the door handle, deep breath . . I can do this. And just after I say this, I feel a rush of confidence within me, opening the door quickly - just rip off the bandaid, right?

"Michael, your home! . . "

Mothers says, her voice delighted. Odie comes running up to me.

"Hey buddy, good to see you . . ".

It's so good to have Odie back, back to his old self. It was such a crazy time, when Odie ran away. And just not knowing when or even if I would ever see him again. But that's all in the past now, he's back to being a happy dog and that's all that matters.

"Hello mother . . "

I say softly, walking towards her to place a kiss on her cheek. I take a seat on the coffee table. Don't worry, I'm not going to break it. I sit right opposite her as she sits comfortably on the lounge. I take a deep breath before anything is said. The look on mothers face is a concerned one. Many, many questions invading her mind right now for sure, with numerous ones already on the tip of her tongue to ask me . . but she doesn't speak. Instead waiting for me to do so first. Her hands take mine gently.

"What's wrong, Michael? . . "

She asks me softly. I struggle at first, but I find my words soon enough.

"Anika . . " I say.

A smile on mothers face. "Oh she's a lovely girl, isn't she? . . "

"I never told you why we really broke up. Why Anika left town 10 years ago. So I'm going to right now . . "

"Oh Michael. That's between you too . . "

"I want to be honest with you, mother . . "

She nods. Waiting for me to continue. I'm telling mother this because I feel she has a right to know, after all, she would've become a grandmother. I now know. Why Anika did it. And the fact that it wasn't easy . . not just about the decision about the baby, but all of it. Leaving town, leaving me. It haunted the both of us for so many years. But for Anika, it completely overtook her, at some stages, each time harder then the other. She tried to forget, to move on . . but she couldn't. Anika told me all of this. And I understand now.

It wasn't easy for Anika. At all.

I begin to tell mother. She listens, as if my words are golden.

"Anika fell pregnant. And she decided to have it terminated. I- . . I didn't understand it and for so many years I just couldn't get why it was so easy for her to do so . . "

I put my head down. "She told me about it after the fact. And then after that, she just . . left . . "

"Anika was pregnant? Good heavens . . "

I don't wish to look at mother. What is she thinking exactly? Is she angry? Is she upset? Will she cry, even? I hope not. It would break my heart to see mother crying. In the corner of my eyes, I see Odie playing with his toys, his state of oblivion is exactly what I want to be feeling, forever and always. And not just in this moment. It's such a crazy feeling that after all this time, all these years of keeping it to myself . . it's finally out in the open. And it's a great feeling but also one that is incredibly terrifying. My eyes leave Odie, slowly they look up to mother's face as they hope to catch a quick glimpse of her.

She's thinking.

Before her eyes fall onto mine. They are very soft looking. Well, they always are, but this time . . it's different. "Anika did what she believed was best for the both of you, Michael . . ". Mother says. She is calm, understanding, with not even an inch of anger of any sort in her. That is why I love mother so. She just has the best heart. So forgiving and so loving. A lot of people actually say that is why I'm the way I am. Why I have such a good heart myself . . because I get it from mother.

"She's a good girl. Trustworthy. Loving. And I know she loves you, Michael. Yes she ended a pregnancy, yes she left town . . but all while still being deeply in love with you . . "

"She never stopped loving you, Michael . . "

"And I know you never stopped loving her. Your together again. So, just keep loving that girl because your story isn't over . . "

"The way I see it, it's only just beginning . . " Mother tells me softly. 

to be continued.