𝐖𝐡𝐞𝐧 𝐖𝐞 𝐖𝐞𝐫𝐞 𝐔𝐬

Part 19 ~ Tears

Michael's Point Of View ~ 

My mind still in a daze. Last night . . oh last night was amazing. I wasn't expecting it to happen at all. She told me goodnight, as I did. But then she reached out . . to stop me. I did. And then suddenly her hands were on me. The way Anika touched me, the feeling of her skin as I touched her. The feeling of her lips. It all came flooding back to me. I wanted to take her away right there, to bring her back to my apartment so that I could make love to her all night. I didn't know that Anika still loves me. Does she? 

She proved that to me last night. 

To me, she seemed to be taken by my kiss. I gave her a look. Asking her if I could. And to me, she responded . . she let me. Kissing me back. I wanted to know. Of course I want to. But she seemed confused with my question. 

Does she love Darren or me? 

She said Darren. But I don't think so. Not after the way she kissed me back. Not after the way she touched me. I feel like she isn't being true to herself. I can just feel it. So I asked if she was sure. But she couldn't answer me . . she didn't. Instead she said goodnight to me again, this time turning around to go back inside. I went back to my car. My mind spinning after I left her place. It's as if her voice said Darren but her eyes said . . me. I have to go and see her again. I want to. I will but I'm at the vet. Odie has been acting strange. I don't know why. He has been crying and even hiding. That isn't like him. I'm concerned. When I came home from dinner with Anika last night, he didn't come up and greet me like he always does. I turned the light on . . but there was no Odie. Where was he? I searched and searched causing a rush of panic within me. But I found him, hiding under the table. Odie has never done that before. 

So, I brought him to the vet. Hoping to get some help. 

The veterinarian looks at him, all over him as Odie stands on the examination table. I'm standing opposite her. She takes a look at his coat, his teeth, his eyes and ears . . but he's very healthy she tells me. That is great news. Well, I do look after him. Giving him the best care I can. I begin to explain to her about his behaviour changing and it's so all of a sudden. He is hiding. He is scared. But of what? It's like he knows something I don't. She tells me that dogs behaviour can change. It's just a thing that can happen. Her back turns to me as she then walks out of the room. She informs me of this beforehand. I let Odie come down from the examination table, his paws back onto the ground. One hand holding his lead. I lean down, giving him a pat of the head, then on the side of his face. 

"What's going on, mate? . . " I ask Odie. 

I look at him, he looks at me. I put my arm over his back and around him. Giving him a good pat on his side. 

"Your okay, buddy . . " I say to him. 

The veterinarian comes back into the room, standing back in front of me. 

"To help Odie calm down, I recommend taking him on walks . . " 

She then hands me something. I take it from her gently, looking at it. 

"Also spray this when at home. But only when Odie is showing signs of stress . . " 

"Thank you so much. I'll give all those a try . . " I say to her with a smile. 

Odie's lead still in hand as we walk out of the vet. I'm so worried about him. It makes me so sad, almost brings me to tears. I love Odie. I don't want him to be feeling this way. I open the back door and he jumps right in. Okay, back home now. Mother should be there. I called her before I went into the vet. I want her to watch Odie for me while I go and visit Anika. I am going back to see her today. I have to do it. She knows, I'm sure. But I'm going to tell her how much I do love her . . how I never stopped.

________________________

Mothers voice invades my ears as soon as Odie and I walk back into my place. She has a key, I gave it to her back when I first moved in. 

"Oh, how is my favourite handsome man?! . . " She asks, her voice excited. 

I give her a look as I know she is talking about Odie. She's patting him while he gives her a few kisses too. Mother then stands up, walking towards me. She asks me what the vet told said. I tell her everything. 

"Thanks for coming, mother . . " I say. 

"It's okay, Michael. I'm here to help you when you need . . " 

I have my head down. I pour mother and myself a glass of water each. I'm not even looking her. I feel sad as I think about many things. I'm thinking about Odie. Mother still standing near me. I can feel her eyes on me. She can always tell that something is bothering me . . and it's something more than Odie. And mother knows that. I take a sip of my water, still not looking at her. I walk away . . onto the lounge. Mother picks up her glass of water, following me. She sits next to me. I feel her hand on my arm. Her voice soft. 

"What's wrong, Michael? . . " She asks me. 

 I take a deep breath. But I look back down, at my fingers that sit in my lap. 

"I have been seeing Anika . . " I finally tell her. 

"She is still back in town? . . " Mother asks me. 

I nod. "Her grandmother isn't well. That is why she is back in town . . " 

It's silent for a few seconds. 

" . . we had dinner last night. Brought her back to her grandmothers. We kissed . . " 

I look at mother this time, after I say it. Her face shocked. And I don't blame her. I still feel that way myself to be honest. She knows what it was like for me. She saw it all happen before her eyes. It broke her heart, she would tell me always. After I was told that Anika had left town . . I was devastated. I didn't know what to do. I felt so lost. Angry, yes. But more so, just sadness and tears. I still haven't told mother what happened between Anika and I. The night on the beach. The night I just wanted to forget . . but never did even after all these years. It's a night that has haunted me. A night that changed me. The only thing that never changed . . but my feelings for Anika. How does that happen? I'm angry at her, she hurt me . . but I still love her. 

"And then she went back inside and I came home . . " I say to mother. 

"You haven't spoken to her since then? . . " Mother asks me. 

I shake my head, looking back down at my fingers. Mother places her hand back onto my arm. But I tell her I am going back to see her . . today, right now. I stand up grabbing my keys once again. Walking out the my apartment saying nothing else. I'm determined. I need to make it as clear as I possibly can. I want to be with her. I love her so. The tires rolling, my car makes it's way towards her grandmothers house. I'm moving through others on the road smoothly, like a choreographed dance. The journey polished. I won't. I can't. But I feel that if I close my eyes, I can feel the gentle rise and fall of the road beneath me. I pull into Anika's street. The house only seconds away. I can't even image what is in store. I'm going to tell her. But what will she say? Will she accept it, wanting to be with me too. Or will she just turn around, feeling indifferent from me. 

I knock on the door. Waiting. 

I'm going to do this. I have been without her for 10 years. And I can't bear to be without her any longer. The door opens. It's Anika. Her face . . it's not the features I was expecting. That I was hoping for. She seems startled. She seems upset. 

"Michael, hi . . " She says, her voice very soft. 

But I hear another voice. It's a mans voice. 

"Who is it, Anika? . . " He looks right at me. 

His hand outstretched. Wanting to shake mine, I take it. He smiles at me. His eyes friendly but mine . . I have tears. 

"Hi. I'm Darren . . " He says. 

to be continued.