𝐖𝐡𝐞𝐧 𝐖𝐞 𝐖𝐞𝐫𝐞 𝐔𝐬

Part 8 ~ In My Head

Michael's Point Of View ~ 

"Cya Steven. Get some sleep . . " 

I say to one of my work mates, chuckling at the last sentence. Our shift is now over. I am absolutely exhausted. We just locked up the door, alarm turned on. I give him a wave as we walk away from each other and towards our cars. I see my car in the dark. I didn't park far away at all. I reach my hand out to it, my hand finds the car door handle. I open it. Releasing a loud sigh as I sit down on the drivers seat. It's a sound of relief mostly. I put my wallet and phone on the passenger seat beside me, key in the ignition but I allow it to just sit there for now, anyways. 

What a crazy day. Such an unusual day. 

Anika. I saw Anika. I still can not believe it. I was so shocked to her standing in front of me. After all this time, with so many years passing . . and there she was. Right in front of my eyes. I tried my best to play it as cool as I could. I didn't want to make her uncomfortable. So I just smiled. But inside, I was hurt . . so hurt. My eyes close, my hands coming up to cover my face. I release yet another deep sigh. My body tense yet lose from feeling a little numb also. My hands fall hard onto the steering wheel, as they have now left my face. I don't know what to feel. It was just such an impact, happening quickly that now it all feels like a blur. 

She looked amazing. 

Who am I kidding? Anika, she looked gorgeous. 

She looks the same. Nothing much has changed about her at all. Her smile. The way she tucks those loose strands of her hair behind her ear, her lips squeezing together. She always used to do that. Her brown hair still long with still not a piece of jewellery in sight on her being. Anika never liked jewellery . . she would say it would just be in the way all the time. Fair enough, I would think. 

I know she was nervous. Just as shocked as I was . . am, still. I have so many emotions, so many questions. Anika told me she is staying back at her grandmothers place. I know where that is, of. course. Should I go over tomorrow to see her? Or should I just wait, giving us both a bit more time? 

Ugh. I don't know. I am all over the place. I am just completely in my head. 

I turn my car on, the engine on and now ready to go. I take another deep breath . . it's softer, this time. The feeling of the gentle jolt of the car as I press my foot down onto the accelerator. My mind thinking of many things, making sure I don't crash and . . Anika, of course. The street lights lighting up the street for me, as if they are guiding me. I'm looking in front of me but also all around me . . just like my head. All over the place. 

The traffic light turns red, I stop. 

I look up at the night sky. It is quite out . . very quiet. It's almost midnight so I really don't expect to see anymore at this hour. I'm tired but I feel like I won't be sleeping tonight. Not very well or not at all, even. There is just so much in my head and it's making me go insane. I just want to talk to her, to Anika. With no one else around us . . no distractions at all. To talk . . but at the same time I don't wish for it to be about our past. Just a catch up with her. For Anika to tell me all about her life. The many things she has accomplished, I'm sure she has. I was always so proud of her, with everything she did. I have just missed out on so much of her life. So I would love to know. 

Maybe I can get to hold her again. 

. . to kiss her, even. 

Oh shit. Stop it, Michael. 

I can not think like that about Anika anymore. So much time has gone and feelings like that just simply don't exist anymore between us. We aren't together anymore. That is the past now. That is why Anika moved away, left town. I don't know for sure . . but why else would she leave like that . . the way she did, so suddenly and with no explanation. I'm trying not to judge her. I normally don't judge anyone. But it's just all the pain that is over taking everything for me. 

I'm home now. Finally. 

That drive lasted forever, it felt. The drive like a complete fog, just like my mind. I walk inside my small but cozy apartment. I turn on the light that sits right by my front door. 

"Hey mate, how you doin? . . " I say. 

It's Odie. My Golden Retriever. He comes up to greet me as he always does, he never misses a day. The light indicating to him that it is me and I'm back home after hours of working. His tail wagging, eyes fixed onto me. Welcoming me home. I love Odie so very much. He is young . . still a puppy, I suppose. He just turned two years old the other day. I kneel down in front of him. I giggle as he gets excited to the fact that I am now down at his level. 

"Odie, sit down. Sit . . " I tell him. 

He does. I trained him myself. 

He is the sweetest. His golden coat shining so bright, it's so shiny. I wish I was feeling that way right now. But I'm not. I wish Odie could talk. So I could talk to him about my day today, how work was and tell him that I saw Anika. But he won't respond, of course not. I know that. But I just wish that he could. Odie doesn't even know who Anika is . . not yet smelling her scent. He doesn't know about our past, our history. He doesn't know just how much Anika means to me. She is very special to me. She always has remained that way. That never changed. I walk into my bedroom. Odie following close behind me. I tell him to lay down on his bed, located against the wall, opposite my bed. I walk into the bathroom, undressing to have a quick shower. 

Ah, that's a bit better. 

I dry myself off, slipping into only a pair of black pants for bed. I walk back into my bedroom. Odie laying on his bed like I told him to. I hop into bed. Oh man. It feels amazing to finally lay down after such a long day . . a strange day. I stare up at the ceiling, everything is completely black. It's quiet. I take a soft breath out. I can't sleep, I knew I wouldn't. I'm still too much in my head about Anika. I can't stop thinking about her. 

"Odie . . " I say softly. 

I can't see him but I hear the jiggle of his collar, indicating that he has lifted his head up from his bed as he acknowledges his name. 

"Odie, come here . . " 

I hear him get up. My bed moving slightly as Odie walks, he comes and lays right next to me. My hand on his coat, patting him gently. 

"You can sleep here tonight, okay buddy . . " I say. 

I want to sleep, but I can't. She is on my mind, now more than ever. I forced myself to bury my feelings for Anika after she left. All that time ago. But seeing her today, made all those feelings return.  

to be continued.