𝐖𝐡𝐞𝐧 𝐖𝐞 𝐖𝐞𝐫𝐞 𝐔𝐬

Part 25 ~ Whole New World

Anika's Point Of View ~ 

It's moving day. 

Grandmother was given the green light. Her hip has been healing nicely but still, she must remain mostly in a wheelchair to continue the process. Not a lot of walking is to be done. It has been a long road but she is doing much better. I tell grandmother all about her new home - the nursing home. She has her own bedroom, the spacious grounds. I even go as far as to tell her about Susan. She is so lovely. I feel very confident that she will look after grandmother in those times when I am unable to be with her. I gather all of grandmothers belongings together . . one by one, clothes folded and placed inside the bag. 

"Let me help you, Anika dear . . " 

Grandmother asks me softly, trying her best to stand up and out of her wheelchair. It sits in the corner of the hospital room. I see this, immediately wishing to halt her. 

I do. 

My hands raised slightly, voice stern but still extremely soft. The sight of grandmother attempting to stand up after her fall increases my heart rate in a matter of seconds. 

"No, no, no. Please sit down and relax . . " 

"I'm fine, grandmother. Promise . . " 

I flash her a smile. And I'm hoping that it's enough for her to understand, to believe that I really am fine. I don't need any help. Grandmother means well. I know that. But I want her to relax and not bring any possible harm to her healing hip. Grandmother sits back down in her wheelchair . . her hands placed in her lap. She looks so cute. Her large reading glasses remain on as she has just finished getting lost in a chapter of another one of her books. As for my book, you ask. Well, it's in my old bedroom at grandmother's house. In a safe place. Just put away for now. I may come back to it. When I read those quotes . . I always knew who it was about. 

In my mind, anyways. 

A thought that brought me shame. A thought that made me sad, even. But it was a thought that I knew was real . . so real. Darren wasn't a thought. But it was Michael. He is the one that dominated my mind when reading such words. It's those kinds of words that lets me go back in time. Back to a time when I was young. In love. Completely crazy about another. How Michael and I were when we were together. We were silly. Grandmother would always say how cute we are . . how in love we are. I remember so much of when we were us. We were just a couple of kids. 

But we really did love each other. 

But then, I moved away. I left Michael after I did what I did to him. I did what I felt was the right thing to do at the time. And today, I am still paying for that decision everyday of my life. It didn't get easier . . no. I don't know why I ever thought it would. Perhaps I was just trying to make myself feel less guilty after what I had done. Some days were harder than others. I remember weeks after I left town to move to Sydney . . I was so lost. I would try my best to get on with it. To at least show that I was happy on the outside even though I was absolutely broken on the inside. What I did - to Michael, to us . . to myself. I wanted to talk about it but I felt submerged. It was like a pool that was taking me under everyday. I didn't talk. Instead, letting it drown me. No one in Sydney knows about my past. 

Not even Darren. 

And on top of that, I came from such a small town to the big city . . it was such a massive change. It was a whole new world for me. I would talk to grandmother and Lisa as much as I could. 

And of course, Michael was always on my mind. 

There is a knock on the hospital door. I snap out of it. I feel my mind returning, my eyes focusing on this person instead of looking beyond this room. It's a nurse. A large smile is shown on her face. Her apology's are given to both grandmother and I as she hopes she hasn't interrupted. Not at all, I inform her. A smile on my face now. She tells me about a few papers for me to sign before we leave . . noted. She even goes up to grandmother, saying her goodbyes and a good luck to her. It makes me smile. The nurse gazes at me before she wishes me the very same. It's the sound of the bag zipper that indicates that the packing is now complete . . where to next? - the nursing home. The papers that needed my signature are taken care of on our way through the hospital towards the exist. Grandmother speaks softly to each nurse and doctor as they pass her . . expressing to her to keep well. I push her wheelchair our of the hospital to my car. I help her into the car, placing her wheelchair in the boot. 

Off we go. 

Each second that passes as we drive is a second closer to the nursing home. I wish to ensure grandmother is at ease. For her to know that I will still be seeing her. Grandmother has lived in her home her entire life. With grandfather . . with me. But now, she needs help. I need help. It'll be a whole new world for grandmother but I'm sure she'll settle in quick enough. I look at my rear view mirror, to look back at her. 

"How you feeling grandmother? About it all? . . " 

I see as she raises her head up from her book. Her reading glasses come off this time as she speaks to me. 

"Nervous, dear. But it's all for the best . . " She tells me softly. 

I know she understands and I so thankful that she does. I was expecting the worst but I was wrong, thank goodness. We pull up as we are now here. Okay. I can do this. I know this must be done but I can't help but to feel sad about it all. When I came here, I wasn't expecting that this will be happening. I hear a familiar voice, I see a familiar face. 

It's Susan. 

She has come out to greet us. She is lovely. Susan welcomes us. My hands on the handles of grandmothers wheelchair. Susan looks at grandmother, introducing herself. Grandmother does the same. I have a good feeling. I really hope it sticks around. 

"Please. Come through . . " 

Susan says with a smile. We follow her, walking behind her and down the hallway towards grandmothers room. We walk through the open door. Grandmothers voice is heard. And she sounds quite happy with what she sees. I shouldn't be surprised . . grandmother isn't the type to put up a fuss. 

"Oh wow. This is beautiful . . " Grandmother exclaims. 

"You like it grandmother? . . " I ask her, knelling down right beside her wheelchair. 

"It's lovely, Anika . . " She says. 

Susan once more gives us some time alone. Just the two of us. I can't help it. I need to ask grandmother again. 

"You okay, grandmother? How you feeling? . . " 

I feel my eyes begin to tear up. She see's this, taking my hand. Her other hand comes over and is placed on top of hers other hand and mine. 

"I'm okay, Anika. I understand dear . . " 

"You need help. I understand . . " She says with a smile. 

How did I get so lucky to have a grandmother like this? 

I just hope grandmother remembers the aged care workers. Susan especially. It's all I ask for as this is now her new home. But, only time will tell, I suppose. 

to be continued.