It took me a whole minute bago ako nakabawi. Paglingon ko'y papalapit na si Fergus sa akin, ang mga mata ay puno ng pag-aalala habang palipat-lipat ang tingin niya sa akin at sa pinto kung saan umalis si Jordi.
Inilibot ko ang tingin sa paligid. The audience tried so hard to avoid my gaze upang magkunyaring hindi nila pag-uusapan ang nangyari oras na tumalikod ako.
I felt my cheeks heat up in embarrassment pero mas lalong nangibabaw sa akin ang pag-aalala para kay Amarissa.
"Ikaw na muna ang bahala," ani ko, ang mga mata'y diretso nang nakatitig sa pinto as I made a beeline to the nearest exit.
Fergus didn't have a chance to protest.
Agad akong sumakay sa loob ng aking sasakyan at mas lalong nagmadali when I saw Jordi's car turn right at the far corner.
If I had any doubt about Jordi's commitment to Amarissa before, there was none now.
Sapat nang ebidensiya ang nasaksihan ko kanina. He didn't have second-thoughts about leaving me for her.
I was happy for them.
It was what I tried to convince myself. Tama lang yan, Kyla. Kailangan ko lang ulit-ulitin hanggang sa tuluyan nang magkatotoo.
Tahimik kong sinundan si Jordi papasok sa ospital. Hindi man lang siya nagtanong kung saan ang paanakan as though he knew this place very well—probably from the times he accompanied her for her check-up.
Napalingon si Jordi sa akin nang narinig niya ang aking mga yapak dahil sa heels. He looked a bit surprised as he uttered my name breathlessly, "Kyla," na tila ngayon niya lamang ako naalala.
Unti-unting bumagal ang aming yapak nang makita ang isang doktor at pamilyar na lalaki sa paanakan. Nauna na ang doktor papasok sa silid just as the man finished a call.
Tinanguan niya lamang si Jordi bago nagmamadaling pumasok.
Beside me, Jordi breathed in in relief bago siya umupo sa nakahilerang upuan sa gilid.
Litong-lito ako habang nakatulala sa pinto kung saan pumasok ang lalaki kanina. He and Jordi knew each other kaya niya tinanguan si Jordi, pero bakit nakaupo lang si Jordi dito? Bakit hindi siya pumapasok?
At the back of my mind, I already had an answer.
It was too bizarre that it was hard to believe.
"J-Jordi," tawag ko sa kanya. "K-Kailangan ka ni Amarissa ngayon. You should be with her. P-Pumasok ka na."
I clenched my hands into fists to stop them from trembling.
Itinaas ni Jordi ang tingin niya sa akin. Kung kanina'y wala akong makitang emosyon, ngayon nama'y puno iyon ng pagsusumamo at pagsisisi.
"The man she needs is inside already," halos bulong niyang ani bago nag-iwas ng tingin. "Pumasok na ang ama ni Zoe."
All of the frustration I had about forcing myself to be happy for them multiplied. Paniwalang-paniwala ako na naging sila and I tried so hard to walk on tiptoes around that relationship because I wanted them to get the happiness they deserved.
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Chasing After Wind // Jordi GDL FF
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