Chasing After Wind // Jordi GDL FF

Chapter 29

Three days later and I still haven't gotten over what I did that night.

Nang magising ako kinabukasan, we were already in the hotel room I shared with Patrice with Felipa and two other teammates passed out on the floor.

Natulala ako buong araw as I tried so hard to remember what other things I might have done at kung ano ang mga nasabi ko kay Jordi bago ako nawalan ng malay. But no matter how hard I tried, nothing came up.

I stared at the small heart-shaped tattoo on my wrist bago napunta sa painting na nakasandal sa dingding ang aking tingin.

I was back in my condo for the time being. Baka kasi mag-aya na naman silang mag-bar kami. At this point, I don't think I was going to drink anytime soon.

Patrice had handed me that painting. Ang sabi niya'y iyon daw ang ginuhit ko noong gabing iyon. And yet again napapailing lamang ako dahil sa ginawa.

It's as though no matter how hard I consciously try to convince myself and the people around me that the past is as it is, my subconscious pleads the opposite.

Hindi ko alam kung paano ko nagawang ipinta ang scenery sa Port of Marseille ilang taon na ang nakalipas sa ilalim ng maliit na ilaw na itinutok sa canvas namin so we could paint.

I managed to catch the accurate hue of blue so the water seemed to sparkle under the sun. On the port itself you could make up two distinct figures.

Bumuntong hininga ako bago ko hinila ang sarili patayo't itinalikod ang painting para hindi ko na makita.

Sayang naman kasi kung itatapon ko when—admittedly, it was nice.

I glanced at the tattoo once again and for the nth time ay sinubukan kong burahin iyon pero tulad sa mga nagdaang pagsubok ko'y walang nangyari.

I don't think I can look at Amarissa in the eye ever again.

Nakakahiya sa kanya. My drunkenness wasn't an excuse for me to betray her trust.

It was a sin that would weigh me down for the rest of my life.

What might she think when she'll notice that Jordi and I have the same tattoo on our wrists?

Dahil sa kapabayaan ko'y baka nakasira pa ako ng pamilya.

The first time that thought settled, I cried so hard.

Iyak ako nang iyak hanggang sa nakatulog ako kakaiyak kahit na alam ko namang walang magagawa ang pag-iyak ko.

I was a woman with a lot of ambitions.

Being a home wrecker was not one of them.

Nang tinawagan ako ni Ate nung isang araw, telling me that I should visit them para mapag-usapan namin ang details ng opening ng bagong branch ay hindi ko pinaunlakan ang kanyang imbitasyon sa takot na magkita kami ni Jordi.

Tatlong araw na rin akong nakakulong sa condo ko and if it wasn't for Sheila's persistence to hang out then I wouldn't be leaving my condo until we had to start training again for the second round.

Kahit na wala naman akong planong uminom ay nag-ayos pa rin ako. We were meeting up in a bar nearby kaya hindi na rin ako masyadong nagmadali papunta roon.

I was filled with memories of the things we did a few nights ago the moment I stepped inside the bar. Dahil doo'y nagmadali na ako papunta sa itaas dahil doon daw siya naghihintay.