The Last of Us part III Ellie's Redemption

Ellie and Joel

Curtis flicked through. "There's no more talk about Clairmont up to the final log which was written hours before our attack on them. It says he would return to town revered a hero for wiping out infected and no one else could question his courage." Curtis closed the book handing it back to Ellie who took it gingerly.
"Are you ready to sleep Ellie?"
"No not yet."
"Tell me more about Joel then, I want to know."
Ellie sighed. She bit her lip and nodded. "Okay fine, just a little."
"You'll tell me more tomorrow?"
"Maybe. Okay let me think. There was a day when I was shooting infected with my uncle Tommy. We were shooting from range up in the Jackson hills. After we cleared the area we met up with Joel...dad. Anyway that's when he told me my guitar strings needed changing, I didn't know they needed to be."
"Oh, neither did I. I've never even seen a real one." Curtis said.
Ellie chuckled lightly. "Yeah, we were headed to the music store to replace them but the area was blocked off. On the way we had to deal with a bloater and some other infected. Joel had demanded I put my gas mask on." She looked at him. "I've told you when I was bitten I was immune but because of how things ended up I felt responsible for so many lives, that I was the reason every single infected walking the country was here. If things had gone as they were meant to we wouldn't be surrounded by this apocalypse. Curtis you're looking at the person who could have stopped this all, I know it wasn't guaranteed I would be a cure but I was willing to try. This is why I want to do this." Ellie sighed.
"Saving people who want to kill you, I don't know Ellie, I really don't."
"I hear you but in the end when I can finally get to Clairmont and explain myself I will be rid of my guilt. Then we can return to Jackson if I survive, but this is why I want to find you somewhere...someone safe to stay with in case I do die. What good would it be you stuck in the middle of a Pegasus community alone and an outsider."
"You won't die Ellie I won't let you!"
"I appreciate that Curtis but that's not a practical assurance."
"I want to go to Jackson with you Ellie, if I can't I will execute myself." Curtis was on the verge of hysteria again.
Ellie tried to calm him. "I'll try my hardest to see we get back to Jackson, but I need to do this. Killing yourself isn't the answer Curtis."
"Neither is you sacrificing yourself acceptable, I don't care about your excuses of honor and guilt, I want you to live."
"I want to live too, I've spent the past month not caring one way or another but... I want to live, I do." She looked at Curtis. "I'm not lying to you."
"I believe you." Curtis said with certainty, he was still visibly upset.
Ellie nodded. "I never really went into why I wouldn't talk to Joel, just we'd had a dumb falling out. We stopped talking when I finally forced him to confess this to me. I just couldn't forgive him, and the night I went to him ready to try again I was truly ready to put it behind me and rebuild my relationship with him. The day after, he was taken from me, I was able to finally forgive him but I couldn't forgive myself. I just couldn't face anyone in Jackson anymore. I was so stupid, I wish I could have spent more time with him, protect him like he did me." Ellie was clearly still fighting her feelings.
"I believe that's why I'm here. To be your chance to put things right with yourself." Curtis replied like a little sage, with a gentle smile on his face.
Ellie rubbed her eyes clear. "Maybe."
"Definitely."
"Sure." Ellie was happy he believed that, even if she didn't she wouldn't belittle him for it. Who knew, there was probably some truth to it somewhere.
"I don't just want you to live for my sake either although that's part of it. I want you to live because I would be sad if you died. We've just stared to know each other but I care about you, like some kind of surrogate sister, you know what I mean Ellie?"
Ellie nodded. "Yeah I understand what you mean now."
"Finally you wooden head."
Ellie continued the story, imagining herself back there to experience her time with Joel again. "Where was I? Yeah, Joel wanted me to keep my immunity a secret from everyone. Only he, Tommy and Maria knew. I never told anyone else until my mask broke while disposing of infected with Dina. But we'd decided to pass on getting the guitar strings that day. A young couple who'd gone missing the year before, we found them in that building with the bloater. They'd left a letter about how they wanted to help people but the infected had got to them within hours, I thought about that for so long. I thought about every needless death and my guilt at not being the cure for them, but that can't be changed until we get to Clairmont. Me and Joel went to pick the strings up a day later. But would that be a simple job even after we'd cleared the infected? No way."
Curtis laughed. "With you Ellie that would be too easy."
"Stupid infected never learn, they shouldn't cross me."
"Super scary Ellie." Curtis laughed.
"Huh?"
"You're as soft as a teddy bear under that 'I don't give a shit exterior'."
"Whoa Nelly! Teddy bear? Trust me when it comes to most people I really don't give a shit, that's definitely not a front dude. Don't be a sap."
"I know it's not a front, but I see that other side you try to hide away. Believe me I know people shouldn't fuck with you."
Ellie smiled and punched him playfully on the shoulder. "That's okay then."
"Ouch." Curtis rubbed his shoulder then laughed.
Ellie got serious again. "So we made our way through the bloater building again and through an alley towards the music shop. There were two clickers in there, I remember throwing a bottle close by, they screeched and came out only to eat one of Joel's nail bombs. I remember us doing the high-five like it was happening right now."
"High five?" Curtis asked.
Ellie put out her hand. "Slap it with your hand."
Curtis did.
"There you go, a high-five."
"Neat."
Ellie nodded. "I wanted to see what records they had too. I wasn't leaving without one. Joel found the strings, telling me he'd show me how to change them when we got back home. I kept asking him if he knew any of the bands in the store. We found a record he recommended highly to me and I picked one myself because I liked the cover."
"Which ones were they?" Curtis asked.
"Joel picked 'Before Nightfall' by Robert Francis, I love that album. The one I picked was 'In Absentia' by Porcupine Tree, another winner."
"Two records I definitely want to hear now." Curtis said enthusiastically.
"Junebug and Trains, my two personal favorite songs from each." Ellie replied.
"Gotcha."
Ellie nodded in agreement. "We probably should have just headed back after that. But nomads like us? We weren't heading back so soon."
"I'm excited to know, come on Ellie."
Ellie put her right hand up. "Patience, okay Joel put it to me we should scout the area a bit. After what happened the day before I felt a bit antsy about it but I knew this was our life. Hunting and killing infected, so I agreed. I wanted to get better and smarter at it, when I was with Joel I knew we'd be alright. Ahead of us a whole street that looked untouched was just waiting for us to clear it out. We took it slowly and warily going from store to store. We knew if we weren't careful we might have a street full of infected on us. Everything was fairly quiet but right at the end of the street a set of runners and a stalker exited a store. We put them down but something still feels off. Joel felt it too. We entered the convenience store they had come from, the smell was disgusting. We noticed the staff door had been smashed in, not by any stalker no. This was by something different altogether. Joel asked if I was happy to investigate it. I took a deep breath and nodded, I had my shotgun ready. Stairs led downwards, Joel flicked on the light and from the other end of the room was a wailing sound like I'd never heard. It was like lots of different voices voices at once, hard to explain." Ellie was very animated.
"A mishmash." Curtis replied.
Ellie nodded. "Yeah That's a good name for it. Typical me I just screamed, 'Come out you asshole I'm not standing here all day!' Joel was not impressed with my tactic I know that. But when the thing showed itself I'd never seen anything like it and I haven't since. It looked like a troll, massive, about eight foot. It had an elongated neck and squashed features, it's mouth was almost turned inside out. What looked like a dog of some kind was growing out of it's gut, or maybe it was growing around the creature."
"An infected dog?" Curtis was shocked.
"Yeah, Joel threw a Molotov cocktail on it and I began blasting away with the pump action. It charged us and destroyed the stairs back up, stupid thing. I fell to the ground and lost grip on my shotgun, I'm good at falling over as you already know."
"Damn. Also I can imagine Joel not being happy you shouted at it." Curtis chuckled.
"Joel threw another Molotov and I screamed for him to back away, shooting the dog's head off with my 9mm then launching my only nail bomb at the gap where the head used to be imploding most of its guts. Still flailing and burning Joel ended it with the shotgun I'd dropped. I just lay on the ground, hand on my chest just willing my heart to stop beating so hard. When I finally sat up Joel was there to help me up. 'Good one kiddo' he said handing me back my gun. With another nail bomb he exploded the stairway area which made a walkway back up, it wasn't the safest way but we got back to the ground floor. I was proud of the fact the two of us took that creature down. I drew a picture of it in an old notepad I have back at my place in Jackson, at least it was. I couldn't wait to tell Tommy, at first he thought we were kidding but when he and Joel went back to the area to check it, he knew we hadn't been making it up."
"Ellie I notice you still write stuff in your notepad, it's your personal business and that's cool, but could you draw a picture of that creature for me?" Curtis was genuinely interested so Ellie obliged, when he saw the image of it he scrunched his face up.
"Eww right?" Ellie replied.
"Times ten. Can I tell you a quick story before we call it a night?"
"Sure go ahead Curtis, I'm all ears." Ellie was genuinely interested and was relieved to sit back and be the one listening again.
"And we continue this," he pointed at the Pegasus, Black-horns and Bengals books, "tomorrow?"
"Fine, I've had a quick skim, there's plenty of useful information but you're right, my brain won't be able to process it until I've rested. Tell me your story."
"Okay, So this was about two years ago. My uncle was living with us by then, his name was Freddy, I think I told you already, my auntie Tracey had died a couple of years ago in a horse riding accident, she was an awesome woman. Anyway dad who's name was Keith, and my uncle had gone hunting and mom, Alexandra, was making a broth. We were hoping for a rabbit stew that day. I think she liked it when they got out from under her feet for a little while. She asked me to follow their trail and go help them, sometimes I could be a nuisance too."
"I'm surprised, you said they liked to protect you from the outbreak." Ellie cut in.
"They never went far and I always followed their trail, sometimes I felt like going astray for a bit but I never did. Also it didn't happen a lot, maybe about five times in three years, that's why I can never forget this day. I eventually caught up with them. They had two rabbits tied to their saddles. I asked why they hadn't come back home yet. My uncle put his finger to his lips shushing me and waving me over, I was quiet and asked what was going on. He patted me on the shoulder and pointed upwards. My dad gave me the binoculars and I remember seeing the most magnificent bird I'd ever seen. It was definitely out of its habitat, green and yellow feathers, my dad called it a bird of paradise. I swear we sat there for an hour watching it until mom finally arrived, a bit annoyed we hadn't come back but when she saw the bird she joined us and we just sat together for a while, realizing despite the horrors of the world we were still surrounded by beauty. When the bird had finished showboating to us after what seemed an endless amount of time it left, we never saw a bird like it again. When we got home and had our broth we talked like we were all kids discovering the world for the first time. I saw the world in a new way after that." Curtis had finished.
"Thank you." Ellie replied.
"You're welcome." Curtis was pleased to see Ellie smile.
"Seeing the world in a new way. I like that." She gave him a gentle punch on the knee. "Okay kiddo, get to sleep."
"Promise you'll get rested up too Ellie, now."
Ellie raised her hands. "Okay, I promise, but first thing tomorrow we go through this meticulously." She pointed at the books.
"Deal." Curtis got up and ruffled Ellie's shoulder length hair. She pulled a face at him, he laughed.
Within ten minutes he was asleep, Ellie spent a little time looking out of the window then finally slept with her head on her backpack.
She dreamt of Joel. They were both wearing astronaut helmets, laughing and he kept asking if she was happy. Ellie reached for his helmet, when she pulled it off, his beaten and battered face stared back at her.
She awoke screaming. Her heart was thumping and she was in a cold sweat.
Curtis came running. "Ellie! Ellie!"
She looked up wide eyed at him.
"What, what is it?"
"Nothing, Just a nightmare. I'm sorry, get back to sleep."
"You suffer from PTSD don't you? I know it was about Joel, when's the last restful sleep you had Ellie?"
"I don't know. I'm fine, get some rest, we'll talk about it later. I'm sorry I woke you."
"It's alright Ellie, I'm here if you need me." Curtis returned to his slumber after Ellie reiterated that she was fine and he wasn't to worry.
Ellie was too frightened to get back to sleep, she just sat against the wall, crying.
She was right when she told Curtis she couldn't forgive herself. But she knew the boy was right in saying that Ellie's second chance had come in finding him. Maybe in some way it was another gift from Joel after all.
"Thanks Joel, I won't let him down." She whispered.
Exhaustion beat her again and after a couple of hours of staring into the dark she slept, this time peacefully.