𝐓𝐀𝐋𝐄𝐒 𝐎𝐅 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐇𝐄𝐀𝐑𝐓 | (𝐆)𝐈-𝐃𝐋𝐄

𝐖𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐀𝐛𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐍𝐨𝐰

✿ Shuhua

The rain tapped gently against my window, a soft, steady rhythm that echoed the way tears kept slipping down my face. It was like the sky knew how heavy my heart felt tonight.

What about now? What about today?

The questions wouldn’t leave me alone. They spun in my head like a loop I couldn’t turn off.

Were you thinking about me too, Soojin? Did your chest ache the way mine did every time I thought of you—not as a friend, not even as a lover, but as someone who used to be my person?

What if you're making me all that I was meant to be?

There was a time when I really believed that. That being with you brought out the best in me. That loving you was the most honest version of myself. But now... now I’m sitting here wondering if I disappeared inside us. If I gave so much of myself that I forgot who I was on my own.

And still—God, I still miss you.

What if our love never went away?

I close my eyes and try to remember the way you used to laugh when I said something ridiculous, or how your fingers would absently reach for mine when you thought no one was looking. It all feels so close... and so far.

What if it’s lost behind words we could never find?

That part hurts the most. We were supposed to be better at talking, weren’t we? But we let silence speak louder. We shut down when we should’ve spoken up. I should’ve told you how scared I was of losing myself. Maybe you should’ve told me you felt like you were losing me too.

Soojin.

Her name leaves my lips like a secret, soft and broken. I’m not even sure if I want her to hear it, or if I just needed to say it out loud.

We didn’t get closure. Not really. We just... fell apart.

And yet, even with everything that went unsaid, some stubborn part of me still hopes. That maybe, somewhere in all this pain and confusion, we still exist—together. That maybe love doesn’t just end. Not like that.

What about now?

I don't know. I really don’t.

But I still care. That has never changed.

Soojin

The room is quiet, but my thoughts are anything but.

Shuhua’s voice—her words—still ring in my ears. They cut deep, not because they were cruel, but because they were honest. And because I knew, deep down, they were right.

I think I hurt her more than I ever meant to.

And the worst part? I didn't even realize it until it was too late.

Maybe I thought I was protecting her. Maybe I convinced myself that pulling away would somehow save us from the slow unraveling. But all it did was leave her standing in the ruins while I tried to act like I wasn’t breaking too.

She was always so full of light—dreams, passion, fire. And maybe, just maybe, I dimmed that light by trying to hold onto her too tightly.

I didn’t mean to become someone who made her question herself. That wasn’t love. Or at least, it wasn’t the kind of love she deserved.

Still, I remember the way she used to smile when she talked about the future. The way she’d grab my hand and pull me into her dreams like I belonged there. And for a long time, I really believed I did.

But somehow we got lost in the space between who we were and who we were becoming.

And now I’m sitting here wondering—is there still time?

I don’t want to be a ghost in her memories. I don’t want to be the “almost” or the “what if.” I want to be someone she can look at and know I tried—that I still care. That I never stopped caring.

If there’s even the smallest chance to fix this, I’ll take it.

Not to erase the past, but to start something new. Something better.

It’ll take work. And honesty. And maybe even letting her go, if that’s what she needs most.

But I need to try.

Because the truth is—I never wanted a life without her in it. Not really. And maybe I was too scared to say it before, but now I know:

Some love stories don’t get a perfect beginning. But they can still fight for a better second chapter.

And if she’ll let me—I’m ready to write ours together.