To the Shadowsinger | Azriel

Chapter 72: I'm free

Two days had passed since Raisa was left standing alone in a hall. The weightlessness of her empty arms was unbearable as she stared at the spot Azriel had just stood. He had taken her heart with him and left her with nothing but emptiness.

She found herself in her mother's bedroom and crawled into the massive bed, feeling comforted by the dark and silent room. She slept through most of those two days and only awoke when her bladder was about to explode or when her stomach wouldn't shut up.

She didn't even feel like a Queen as she made her way to the kitchens, her dress was ripped and bloody, her hair a mess, yet she didn't care. She wasn't even wearing shoes- but no one paid much attention to her feet as she passed. The King was dead, the Queen was mad, and the rebels had taken over and executed those who showed allegiance to the old ways. Chaaya and Nona made the castle almost unrecognizable, Raisa didn't even know how the rest of the country was doing.

"Well aren't you a sight to behold," a joyful voice interrupted Raisa's thoughts after she had climbed up to sit on the kitchen counter and took off the lid to a container filled with syrup soaked pastries.

"I warn you it is not smart to bother me at this hour," Raisa mumbled, not caring that her mouth was full.

Sinna hopped onto the counter beside Raisa and crossed her legs, smiling as if she was completely innocent, "so Bryaxis is dead."

"And so is Wylla," Raisa barely had the voice to speak nor did she have the energy to argue. Every muscle in her body ached.

"And so is Caius," Sinna added.

Raisa leaned her head back, "And so am I."

Sinna laughed, "You are not dead. You are very much alive."

Maybe that was the problem. Life was painfully brutal and she was very much alive. She was still confused and found herself thinking she was in the mirror, but for the most part, she was able to tell herself and believe that this was real. Caius, Wylla, and Bryaxis were dead and Azriel was gone. This was real.

"I debated killing you," Raisa aggressively stuffed half a pastry into her mouth. She took her time chewing, knowing Sinna was holding onto her every word. "But that would be too easy of a punishment, plus, you're valuable."

"What punishment do you have in mind for me, my Queen?"

Raisa turned to face the lightsinger, "I'll put you to work. You'll assist Chaaya and Nona in rebuilding this country and freeing the humans. You will report to me weekly."

Sinna gave Raisa a venom laced smile before jumping off the countertop, "your wish is my command, Majesty."

After eating enough sweets to make herself sick, Raisa somehow found herself at one of the lowest levels of the castle. She stared at a blood stained door marked with runes, and sighed. It took her two hours of pacing back and forth down the hall before she could even open the door. Another hour of convincing herself "everything is fine" before she could pass the threshold. She almost chickened out as she faced the mirror, her eyes stayed sealed shut.

"You'll never know unless you look," she took a shuddering breath.

You may spend the rest of your life asking yourself that question, but I'll go ahead and prove to you right now that this is real, Bryaxis had told her before giving his life. She couldn't live in fear like that and... she wanted to live even if life was brutal.

She wanted to live and make it up to Azriel. She would do whatever she had to make up for the years she left him. No matter how long it took, she would make him happy- if he let her back into his life.

But first, she had to make sure of one thing. She took a deep breath, bracing herself for the possibility of being sucked back into the mirror. Then, she opened her eyes and blinked away the darkness until she could see the silhouette of the covered mirror. Laughter bubbled up from her stomach, she had built up all this anxiety only to be faced with a... bedsheet? It looked like a ripped bedsheet.

Glass crunched under her bare feet but she didn't care about the pain as she tugged on the sheet. She let it fall to the ground and didn't flinch as she was faced with thousands of her reflections. The mirror was broken into pieces and in some places, the glass had fallen out. The twisting metal frame was the only thing that held strong, the silver snake's red eyes glowed as it devoured its own tail.

Raisa felt nothing. No fear. No magic. It was just a broken mirror. Her trembling hand went up to cover the smile that broke out across her face and she said the words that felt like this chapter in her life had finally come to an end. She was ready to begin anew.

"I'm free."