To the Shadowsinger | Azriel

Chapter 26: Please don't go

 The mating bond hit Azriel like a boulder falling off a cliff and crushing him underneath. Not only was it impossible to ignore, but it knocked the breath out of him. He knew Rai felt the same way, they were both frozen, their only movement was heavy panting. He guessed he shared the exact expression as Rai- shock, confusion, dazed.

"No," Rai whispered. "No." Her eyes filled with tears.

He was still on top of her- still inside her- yet he couldn't move. Couldn't process what happened. It was like he was feeling Rai's heartbeat in his chest. He blinked at her, not quite processing her words.

She went limp under him, her arms falling to her sides, and face looking away as devastation took over it. His heart twisted painfully at the sight. He pulled out and rolled off her until he was sitting on the edge of the bed. He had his hand over his mouth as he watched Rai just staring up at the ceiling unblinking.

"That wasn't supposed to happen," she whispered.

Azriel swallowed the lump in his throat, "but it did."

His eyes followed a tear rolling down her cheek. Of course she was his mate. From the moment he saw her, he knew there was something different. He didn't care if she was a spy or a Queen- she was Rai to him. Stubborn Rai that didn't care much for her own life; who had been hurt by someone that should have cared for her; who felt like she could fix everything by herself. She was, Azriel realized, his mirror. His mate.

"I have to go," she picked her dress off the bed and clutched it to her chest. She looked just as broken as he felt. What did I do wrong?

"Are you rejecting me?" He asked as she tripped while putting on her dress.

That finally got her to look him in the eye again. Ever so slightly, he saw her body lean toward him as if she was about to succumb to the bond that pulled them together.

She slowly shook her head, her bottom lip quivering.

He didn't understand. If she wasn't rejecting him, why was she leaving? "Please don't go," he held his hand out for her hoping she would take it.

His hand grew heavier each second she didn't. And each second his heart broke. He let his hand fall into his lap. His hands appeared blurry through the tears in his eyes. He wouldn't let them fall though, he couldn't remember the last time he cried- crying while getting rejected by his mate seemed pretty reasonable- but he didn't want her to see.

His head pressed against something soft. He didn't want to believe that Rai was holding onto him but she was. He wrapped his arms around her torso and pulled her closer, letting his cheek lay against her chest as she comforted him by twisting his hair in her fingers. "I'm sorry," she kissed the top of his head. "I just didn't expect this to happen. I warned you not to care for me and then this happens."

He looked up at her, his chin still resting on her while she played with his hair. She was almost too beautiful to look at, her hair was tousled and curling, her cheeks were flushed, and her eyes glittered like seaglass. "You're not rejecting me but you're not accepting me."

Her beautiful face twisted with pain, "You already knew I wasn't going to stay here, Azriel. I still have my husband to deal with, the council, the lords-"

He silenced her with a kiss. She was the one to deepen it by pulling herself into his lap. They parted only when they ran out of breath, letting their foreheads rest against each other.

"I thought we weren't going to think about any of that tonight," he said.

He pulled back to study her face and run his thumb along her jaw. She gave him a small encouraging smile, "You're right."

She let her forehead press against his again; it was a comforting feeling. He found the courage to say, "You don't have to decide right now," whether she rejected him or accepted him. "But all I ask is for you to stay with me tonight."

She pulled away, holding his face in her hands, and placed a gentle kiss on his forehead, nose, chin, and finally lips. When she pulled away, she gave him a single nod.

He wanted to smile, but he needed a more solid answer. "You will?"

"Yes," she kissed him. This time the kiss was longer. Starting slow and gentle, then turning into more as they both craved the other. His intense desire for her was unlike anything he ever felt and before either knew it, they were picking up where they left off.