To the Shadowsinger | Azriel

Chapter 31: Reject

 It was night by the time Azriel made it to Vallahan. It was odd for him to think that only a day had passed since he last saw his mate. He had to sneak through wards and guards to get inside the royal castle in Vallahan but luckily he had spent his whole life training for moments like this. He was a shadowsinger and spymaster afterall.

As soon as he passed through the wards surrounding the castle, he felt the presence of the bond more strongly. On the other side was Rai's warmth, but something was off. It didn't feel like the glowing Rai that made him flustered.

He followed the thread he knew would lead to her and ended up on a balcony. He slipped into a dark empty room that smelled of her. Surprisingly, the room was stuffy and tacky. He couldn't imagine Rai wanting a room like it; he would have pictured her in a room filled with light and plants. Instead, there was nothing but misery hanging in the air.

"Rai," he ran his hand over the messed up bed. His face crumpled when his shadows told him what happened. He had to find her. He had to get her out. He had to-

The door opened wide and he blended into the shadows.

He wasn't sure why he hid at the sight of her. He watched in the cover of darkness as Rai in a rich silk dress reached up to a lamp and let her magic ignite it. Her back was to him, he could see the intricate way her hair was braided and pinned up. It was the same Rai but much more polished.

And then she turned around. His hand went over his mouth at the sight of her bruised and bandaged face. Her right eye was swollen shut and her bottom lip was split open. He realized that he'd rather feel the panic of searching for her a thousand times than the misery of her looking like that. He could have thrown up- not because she was ugly- but because his mate was hurt.

Rai lit another lamp before stopping in the middle of the room and just staring at the floor with a far away gaze. She seemed ready to fall apart.

Azriel stepped out of the shadows, ready to pick up the pieces but he instantly regretted it as she recoiled in fear.

"I'm sorry," he held up his palms and stepped further into the light so she could see him. "I didn't mean to scare you."

She sighed with relief, "Azriel." He could see right through the smile she gave him. It was like she was trying to be the Rai she was the first time they met, but he knew her better than that. "If you're here for the mirror," her swollen lips curled teasingly, "I won't let you have it."

"You think I'm here for the mirror?" He let out a bitter laugh. "I don't give a damn about the mirror, I'm here because you just left."

Rai did him the honor of looking him in the eye. This way they could lay everything out on the table once and for all. No tiptoeing around subjects.

"You want the truth, Azriel?" She stormed across the room until she was right under his nose. "Last night was the best night of my life but that's just it. It was a blessing and I'm sorry that I'm your mate but this is where it ends."

His face was stone cold, "Then go ahead. Reject me."

Her mouth pinched with frustration but her eyes were stubborn. He could almost see the anger rolling off her. "Why do I have to reject you? You're the one that came all the way here, reject me so you can get on with your life." She spun around and walked away from him. Her voice was filled with pain, "Go be with someone who isn't such a mess."

"You're not a mess-"

"Look at me!" She faced him. "Azriel," a sob broke her and she sank to the floor. "You can't want me."

He fell to his own knees and collected her in his arms, trying to hold the pieces together. He held her as she continued to cry and mumbled things he couldn't understand into his chest. She clutched onto his flying leathers with shaking fists and cried until there were no tears left.

"I'm so sorry," she whispered. "You deserve a mate that puts you first. I wish I could be that for you but I can't."

He stroked her head as the braids fell loose and down her back. "I'm not asking you to put me first," he whispered. "I'm asking you to let me help you. Let me be there for you. We can figure this out together."

She gave him a warm smile, "You really are perfect."

He let his head rest against hers, "I'm being selfish. Now that I finally found you, I don't want to let you go."

She closed her eyes. "I have a plan. I don't want to let you go either but for it to work, you can't be here. You have to trust me. I just need a little bit more time."

As much as he would have loved to find Caius and kill him then, he trusted Rai. This was something she had to do.

"How much time?" He lifted her chin up to get a good look at her face. The bastard looked like he broke her cheekbone. It was hard to stomach the idea of leaving her alone with him, especially after seeing what he did to her. If it was up to Azriel, they'd already be back in Velaris and Caius would be dead.

"I don't know. We were going to wait a while before exposing the mirror so it wasn't obvious that I brought it. Caius just thinks I was away with a lover," she looked away with guilt. "And then after their minds are shattered, I'll deal with the effects and dismantle the monarchy to rebuild a new form of government. It won't happen overnight."

Azriel's eyes had widened in amazement, "Who knew you were so ambitious."

She shook her head with a smirk. "You wouldn't have said that about me a few hundred-years ago. I had given up for a long time."

They sat in silence for a while simply holding each other; the only sound was their quiet breathing. They both knew what was coming.

Her face was soft as she peeled away and looked at him. She studied his eyes, nose, hair, wings, and finally let her eyes stop at his lips. He closed his eyes as her palm gently cupped his cheek and her lips touched his with all the softness in the world. It was a kiss that said goodbye. "I'll find you again when this is all over. I promise, Azriel."