To the Shadowsinger | Azriel

Chapter 73: I found you

Two days had passed since Azriel left Rai in Vallahan. That day had plagued his nightmares. Each time he closed his eyes he would see Wylla's lifeless body or Rai's detached gaze.

Rai... he wanted to go to her so badly. He wasn't even sure what exactly was keeping him from it. Maybe she needed space to figure out this world again. He wasn't sure what he could even do to help her. He could stay by her side and listen to the horrors of the mirror that ate away at her, but what if that wasn't enough? What if he wasn't enough?

Another part of him, one much more stubborn and prideful, even wanted to see if she would come to him. He had thought about it for only a moment, the silence of his bedroom had grown too loud to bear, he rolled onto his stomach and buried his face in his pillow, thinking about Rai tapping him on the shoulder and asking him to move over. Later in the night, as he waited all alone for a mate that wouldn't show, he realized that Rai may have other things on her plate. She was the Queen of Vallahan afterall and her head... it wasn't in the right place.

She needed to figure things out, Azriel told himself. And until then, he moved around Velaris as if he were a ghost. Seeing Wylla play and laugh with Nyxous as if she hadn't died earlier in the week, had at least brought him some joy. Wylla told everyone she died as if it were a joke and when Rhys laughed and told her he died once too, Wylla kindly asked him not to mock her.

"No, it's true," Feyre had said, her eyes sparkled with humor. "I died too, Under the Mountain and Rhys died during the war against Hybern."

Wylla had blinked at them, not knowing whether or not she should believe them. The little girl still struggled to believe that Feyre and her sisters were once humans. She had seen a demi-fae with the ability to shift between human and fae forms, but never a human that transformed into a fae permanently.

During those two days, Wylla stayed with Rhys and his family at their riverside home. She clung to Nyxous more now than ever and getting her to leave his side was a challenge. Azriel just left her at the house, returning to the House of Wind each night to be alone. The house felt extraordinarily empty tonight, even his shadows hunted for more interesting places to be.

It took fifteen-minutes of opening and closing each pantry before he realized he wasn't even hungry. He wasn't hungry and he wasn't happy. Fuck. He ran his hands through his hair, taking a deep breath. What he wanted was a hot bath, one that would relax his tense muscles but his thoughts were just too fucking loud. He needed air, space, he needed someone to tell him he looked like shit.

Cassian. Cassian would most definitely tell him he looked like shit.

"You look like shit," Cassian chuckled as he opened his front door to the shadowsinger.

"Thank you," Azriel sulked past him and collapsed into an old and worn armchair Rhys had left behind at his old house. The chair still carried the scent of that house and reminded him of cozier times. Cassian had smuggled the chair into his new home with Nesta.

Cassian slowly stepped into the living room. He was wearing loose cotton clothes designed for comfort. It's strange how much Cassian had changed, Azriel thought. It had all started when Cassian made a mess of himself at the Illyrian camps as he tried and won over the prickly Nesta's affections. Or maybe, he was changing even before then. That all felt so long ago.

"Usually, I have you figured out," Cassian sank into the couch and studied Azriel. "But this time, I don't. Rai is still in Vallahan? Did she not want to come here?"

Azriel tilted his head back and closed his eyes, savoring company and an environment he felt comfortable enough to let down his defences. "I don't know what she wants," Azriel sighed. He could still see her walking away from him after he marked her and feel the sting.