dedicated for you || khun.a.a

entry thirty-one

that was the worse day of my life.

when i said that i want to meet you, yuta actually agreed to it after asking my mom if i allowed to go outside.

but he just said that you were here before? i thought you also found out about the accident and watching over me while i was out from the world and waiting for me to wake up like your brother did?

my mom said that bam,  yuri and urek keep on visiting me once a month since i'm away from where they live so that they couldn't afford to watch over me everyday. but she never mentioning you were around even though she keep on asking about you before.

what was it?

what did i missed?

i couldn't comprehend what was going on as both yuta and my mom took me into a graveyard.

what are we doing here?

didn't he said that he would lead me to meet you?

so why are we here?

please don't tell me any joke that isn't funny.

as we reached one a certain tombstone my whole body froze in place as i read it.

lay [name][last name] here
an angel that god sent to us
an angel that could bring light to everyone's life
an angel that representing the words of eternal beauty
a faithful person
a loving sister
a true friends
thank you for all the things you've done in this world
 

                    now that you don't feel the pain anymore

god loves you so much and take you back to the heaven making you an angel that could spread your wings once again

may your soul rest in peace
we love you so much

at that time i didn't know how to react, it seems that my whole body and brain all malfunction and having bugs everywhere as i fell to my knees with wide eyes as i keep on staring at the name that was written on the tombstone.

that must be a joke right?

come on that wasn't funny at all.

or was that just some nightmare shit?

yeah that might be just some bad dream and all i have to do is wake up right?

i slammed my head to the stone feeling pain shooting through all my body making both your brother and my mom stopping me from those actions as i keep frozen in their hold still not believe that i actually feel hurt inside my dream.

"she left us month ago because she was sick"

yuta's statement made my head turning at his direction almost instantly as he saw me with clouded eyes helding back his own tears.

"she was just 6 years old when the whole family know about her incureable disease and her condition became much worse after our parents died in an accident 4 years ago. the doctor said it was a miracle that she could stay that long and that was all thanks to you since she had another reason to keep on going"

you? sick? i never know about it...

why you never told me about it?

the a slight memories came into my mind when i found you having a nosebleed inside your class alone.

but the nurse said that it was from exhaustion?

"she tried her best to not look like she was sick in front of the others, she tried hard enough it's the time for her to rest... at peace"

i could heard his voice started to cracked as he keep on holding me that can't really believe that you're already gone.

forever.

"b-but you just said she was here?!"

"yeah, the hospital. she was staying there for another treatment"

i couldn't hold back the tears anymore, my world fell apart instantly, you just left me month ago? and i could never ever see you anymore? all of that thought too painful as i've been stabbed by a thousands of knives straight to my chest.

how can everything turning out like this?

i was ready to asked you so many questions that left unanswered inside my head when i meet you.

but now?

it was impossible.

yuta himself started to cried with me, deeply in pain, losing his beloved sister and the only family he had left after they parents death.

my mom was crouching down next to us softly patting our back for comfort but nothing would comfort me at that time as i keep on calling your name repeatedly before yuta force me to look him in the eyes, brimming with tears and staring straight into my soul.

"she is here and will always be here after she gave your eyes to you"