dedicated for you || khun.a.a

entry thirty-two

i was standing at the highest of the hospital building once again.

i ran away from the others right after we arrived at the hospital after gave you a visit.

i let out a painful smile while staring at the bright blue sky that once i adored so much since i could picturing you smiling when we spend our time together.

but at that time, i thought that the sky just mocking me for being so bright when i had the worst day in my life.

the summer breeze grazing my skin, even though like that, it won't dried the tears that keep on falling to my cheeks.

my heart was aching so much to the point that i thought i would die because of it.

the envelope yuta gave me earlier was securedly wrapping around my fingers and i don't have any energy left on me to read what was inside of it.

i look at the view below me at the edge of rooftop, one step ahead and i would fall and crash to the ground.

i hope that you would come and save me like what you did two years ago.

but no, you're not here anymore.

what's the point of keep on living if you're not around?

i don't want a life without you by my side.

you're a really heartless human being.

how could you left me this pair of your eyes? won't you think about how much pain i should handled whenever i look at myself in front of the mirror only to find your beautiful [e/c] eyes that i really love?

i let out a dry laugh.

world is just too cruel.

just when i started to have another reason to keep on living.

just when i started to became happier.

they took you away from me.

i think that was the right time for me to say goodbye to the world and finally meet you afterlife.

but as it seems the world that not want me to finally have a peaceful ending.

a song that you sang to me at your competition was heard through all the building loudly, making me heard it clearly as i replaying the memories i've spent with you.

"everyone's life has a meaning behind it, it will be such a shame if it goes to waste"

"i will always be here by your side"

"thank you for existing"

and any other words signing that you want to keep on living brought me into realization as i jumped back away from the edge as i fell into my knees once again, burying my face into my hands, wetting the envelope that i held tightly.

i opened the letter slowly as i took my time to read every words carefully with blurry sight since i couldn't held my tears back.

i wailed like a baby after finished reading the letter and hugged myself searching for comfort even though it was no use.

i forced a smile after folding the letter and put it back inside the envelope.

"alright"

as soon as i said that, the smile quickly wiped away since my heart was wrenching in pain.

"i'm sorry... i'm sorry noona..."

that was the early spring when i lost you.