jocks and nerds | minjoon

siete

"m-mom?" 

"yes, dear?"

"i... i love you." why is my voice so shaky? 

"oh! i love you too my beautiful boy!"

she  puts her palm on my face, cradling it like a mother does her newborn. i lean into her soft touch, that fear slowly going away. she's my mom, and she loves me. everything will be okay as long as i have her love! 

the room begins to spin and i frown in confusion. what's happening?

all of sudden i'm shoved out of the memory -wait, memory?- and into another setting. the dinner table is a familiar sight at the very least. mother and father are talking about work whilst my brain slowly starts to catch up -catch up to what?

ah yes. i'm telling them today! i'm so excited! a warm smile paints my face, my dimples that my parents always adored coming out -grabbing the latter's attention. my dad chuckled, his voice deep and affirming as it had always been. 

"what's got you smiling, joon?" my mom turned her attention to me as well, smiling warmly. a surge of love goes through me. why was i ever scared of their reaction? it's so clear their love for me! they make me feel so safe, and that will never ever ever change. 

n-no w-wait a faint nagging is in the back of my head, but i ignore it cuz' i'm just so excited! 

"i have something to tell you!"

"oh? pray tell, love." my mothers soft voice makes my smile go wider. safe -with them.

get away away away joon away away

i frown. what's that? i push it away, i can deal with it later. 

"i wanted to tell you both that i'm gay!"

the happy mood in the room drops filled with an eerie tension. w-what?  both of their faces are dropped and there's something scary in dad's eyes. m-mama? she's looking at me with... disgust? no, joon, that's not right! they're your parents, t-they love you! ...r-right?

dad gets up abruptly, shoving his chair back so hard it topples to the ground with a loud bang that echoes throughout the quiet house. the confusion in me quickly turns rotten -fear. he marches towards me and i can only flinch when he grabs the collar of my shirt and forces me to my feet. 

he's looking at me with such rage. 

run run run run run run run run run run run run joon fucking run 

my feet fail me as i flail in his hold, my body being lifted off the ground. "you fucking faggot."

no no no no no

"d-dad-" a slap. the tears burn my eyes like fire, and i want to go away from him because he's scaring me please please- "i am not your fucking father." i look towards my mother to try and find some help -please someone help me! but she's silent, clenching the table as tears fall from her b-beautiful s-soft eyes. why is mama crying? i don't want her to cry. i open my mouth to ask her when-

i blink and suddenly i'm thrown across the room. a sharp pain shoots up my side, a broken gasp leaving my lips as my body feels as though it's on fire. p-please stop-

kick. a punch. kick. a punch. repeat.

"you fucking fag! you are a disgrace to god, a disgrace! you are not my son!"

kick, kick, kick

p-please stop, i try to say but my throat is dry and my body hurts so, so, so much. but i won't cry, no i won't i won't i won't-

a burning -real burning- on my legs. he-he's burning me!

"m-mama!" a broken cry leaves my dry lips. i always cried to my mother when i needed something, whether it was a glass of water or a hug. and she always, every single time, helped me.

but when i slowly lift my eyes, i find her standing next to dad. i-is she going to help me. i blink and there's water on my face. s-she spit on me? m-mama?  she turns around to leave. the person who loved me like no one else. the person who slept with me when i had my nightmares, soothingly singing me to sleep. the person i felt safe with. 

not anymore, joon. not anymore.

i know. i know now. and when mother finally leaves the room and dad's belt is in his hand poised to whip -that's when i start to cry. i clench my eyes shut to prepare for the pain. 

smack!

"AH-"

joon jolts awake screaming. 

the boy bolts out of bed, trying to find the younger. the first time he had the nightmare at this house was... messy. but jimin helped him unbelievably well -even better than yoongi had ever done. when it first happened, it was one of the worst ones joon had ever had...

but the way jimin took it... joon shook the thought away, simple searching for his cuddle giant comfort boy. 

"jiminie? w-where are y-you?" joon's voice was clogged with tears as he fought for his breath. he entered the modern but homey kitchen to find jimin facing away from him on the phone.

"he... he's fucking.... amazing. more than that -and he's mi-"

"j-jimin?" joon hated his stutter, pushing away the jealous burn in his stomach as to who jimin may be talking about -the mysterious 'he'. jimin whirled around, his features scared before he saw what joon looked like. without saying anything to the caller -joon was sure he saw chan's name across the screen. 

but then the phone was gone and there was jimin with his arms open for joon to go to. and joon didn't just go to them, he ran straight for it, almost slipping and falling in the process but jimin caught him just like joon trusted him to do so and there the pair were, in each others arms where they always belonged. 

"i got you, joon. i got you."

and that absolutely smashed the fragile walls joon kept around himself, the older boy starting to sob in the younger's warm embrace. he fought it at first, this feeling of safety -scared it would just be his parents version two.

"they'll never put a fucking hand on you again, joon. i promise you that." jimin growled out, his arms somehow tightening even more around the boy in his strong hold. 

but joon can't do it. he just can't fight the safety jimin gave him -it was so strong and immense the older was sure it was impossible to do so. so, he cried and cried. and jimin was there, to help him throughout it all. 

thank you, jimin-ah. thank you so fucking much.