Love // Winterfalcon

I love you

I'm so happy that Bucky is home now. You guys won't believe what's coming up! Also this is gonna start when they get home and everyone else had already said hello and stuff soz about the time skip. Warning: there is mention of panic attacks, self harm and abuse but none in here! Enjoy!

Bucky's POV

I'm so happy to finally be home. I was so happy to be with Sam. I was so happy to have a way to stop the cutting. I was happy to be laying in bed with my love sprawled across my chest on his phone. But one thing still gnawed at me.

"Sam?" I asked

"Mhm" he responded

"What can we do to stop the panic attacks? Don't get me wrong I'm so thankful for what you've done for me already. It just Bugs me that I get scared when anyone raises there voice?" I sighed feeling defeated.

"Well what I did was that I kept a diary sort of thing to take control of it like when I'd get anxious I'd write it down and understand why, so like write what happened in the past to trigger it and try and put that behind me. You could also do this for the cutting it helps with that too!" He replied with a smile.

"Okay..." I said "Sam can I ask why you used to harm and have panic attacks? You don't have to answer but I was just wondering?" I continued twiddling my thumbs. At this Sam sat up. I began to get worried "Sam honestly you don't have to I was just wondering!" This started to get me panicked and mentally punched myself again. Why am I so stupid? What's wrong with me? Why did I have to mention that when everything was perfect? Ugh I hate myself! Relief now!

"Hey buck it's okay!" He soothed "I'm fine to talk about it I was just sitting up to face you. I think I know what causes the cutting."

"You do?" I said getting the colouring book finding the page I wanted to colour in. "what is it!"

" I think," he began "when you think you've done something wrong or feel like you have upset someone you start to insult yourself and it angers you and makes you wanna um you know?" I nodded understanding.

"That makes sense! I was kinda insulting myself when you sat up thinking I'd done something wrong." Admitting it made the feeling less intense and I relaxed a bit. "Can we go out tomorrow and grab a notebook to write this down?" I asked.

"Of course!" Sam said kissing me on the head. "So you wanted to know why I used to have panic attacks and cut?" He continued.

"Mhm. But again you don't have to!" I replied

"Honestly it's fine!" He said calmly. "Okay so promise not to go all freaky when I tell this please?

"I promise!" I replied

"Okay so when I was younger... my dad used to beat me and my brothers a lot." He started. My face changed from content to horrified. "And he used to say horrible things to us so I used to insult myself a lot as a result. Pretty similar to you with the insulting. So that's what started the cutting. But the panic attacks didn't start till after my dad was sent to prison when one of my teachers called the police in year 10 when she noticed bruises on my body. I used to hear loud sounds like breaking glass or just a loud thud like something falling and think my dad was coming to beat me because he only did it when he was drunk and usually broke a glass or beer bottle on his way to find us and knock into things on the way hence the thuds." He said finishing. Looking up at me and he saw me crying.

"Buck what's wrong?" He asked hugging me

"I-i can't believe he did that to you?" I whispered.

"Hey it's okay!" Sam replied

"No it's not okay! When I tell you I will find that motherfucker of a father wherever he is jail or not I will beat his arse and make him feel the pain that you did I mean it!" I said through gritted teeth.

"Hey buck there will be no beating because I don't care anymore I've grown from it!" He said hugging me.

When he said that my face relaxed, "fine!" I said "I love you and I'm sorry you had to go through that." Sam's breath hitched and I realised what I had just said.

"Shit Sam I'm so sorry it just slipped out!" The feeling in my arms resurfacing as I began to Insult myself again.

"Bucky I love you to" he cried throwing his arms around me in happiness kissing the shit out of me. I just laughed and the feeling went away.

"You know I think a lot of the time when you say something that makes me really happy most of the feeling to cut goes away!" I said happily. "Thanks Sam! You know for not freaking out."

"Shut up and kiss me!" He half shouted and soon we were making out and it began to get extremely heated. Including me flipping us over so I was on-top of him. "Bucky!!" He cried as I began to kiss his neck. But I just stopped. "Umm Sam?" I asked

"Yes!" He said in reply

"Are you s-" I began but he soon cut me off

"Yes just carry on!" He breathed knowing what I meant so I continued to kiss his neck leaving love bites everywhere.

Sam then began to tug at my top telling me he wanted me to take it off. I did as I was told and took it off. He took his off too. I kissed all the way down his chest. As Sam's breathing quickened I could clearly see he was enjoying it "Sam?" I asked taking a minute to breathe....

Find out what he asks and find out whether they end up you know... in the next chapter!