"I want to leave here, but something tells me to stay." A Tommy angst

7

⚠️ !! WARNING !! ⚠️

su!c!dal thoughts

——————————————
It was a long night yesterday, Wilbur got pretty pissed at me for some little thing. I don't even remember what- but whatever it was, I bet It was deserved. I did get to message Tubbo yesterday without Wilbur noticing, which was pretty nice.. Do they really care about me though? I mean- no, they do care. God, I need to stop overthinking on this-

I sigh as I look to my nearby desk, on it was my green bandana from Tubbo and also a letter. Strange, how'd I get a letter here? I open it quietly and see what seems to be a note from Wilbur, that makes more sense. It says

"Hello Tommy,
I'm going out today to get supplies for our plan, probably won't be around by the time you see this but what I want is for you to stay inside till I'm back. I trust you won't betray me, since you seem to know what happens if you do. Besides that, just know your older brother loves you a ton, and I will always be here for you"

He loves me, he really does. Maybe I'm just overreacting, I always say that Tubbo does.. but maybe it's me, see! Wilbur loves me, so obviously he isn't trying to hurt me, he only wants me to learn! yeah..

I glance at my bandana for a second and decided to leave my room, it's more spacious out here anyways. But definitely more cold, it always seems to get colder here.. I've always wondered why but- there's never been a reason on why. I looked at my phone to see if I got any notifications from Tubbo, or maybe even Big Q. Nothing, Of course. I sighed slightly and headed up the stairs to take a look outside. The woods which always seemed to be dark, I never thought that I'd have to be in this situation.. I really thought we would've won that election, and then me and Will could lead L'manberg again and I can see Tubbo, and maybe Big Q could even join us at some point- Guess things never turn out good for me.

I looked to my phone again to see a notification from Tubbo, Not a message like it thought it was but an announcement, it read:

From the Cabinet of Jschlatt (?), I am announcing we are holding a Festival! To celebrate the democracy of Jschlatt's Election, Everyone is invited..! Other than Wilbur and Tommy of course... The Festival will be in a few days, Hope to see you there.

A festival?! a few moments later I see a message from Wilbur appear,

Tommy! I know what you're probably thinking 'A festival? why are they doing that' or something along the lines of that. Well, actually this whole event could be a big advantage for us! Since I'm away at the moment I'll tell you the plans when I come back."

I read the message multiple times, I worried about that plan.. considering his plan before this could be something like that or maybe even worse.. I don't wanna do anything involving what Wilbur seems to think, but also I don't want to be on his bad side since he knows he could easily kill me.. If I was dead maybe that would help Wilbur more, I wouldn't have to be a burden to him. But I can't just leave Tubbo.. I'll end up hurting him by doing that, and I need to see him again at least once. Not yet, I know my death would probably be for the better but, it's not my time yet.

I shut off my phone. I don't want to think about this anymore.. I let my mind wander, I thought about the good times for a little. Me and Tubbo messing around just being the kids we are, and the times me and Quackity had. Even with nothing anymore, those things never fail to make me grin.. I wish I could go back then, back to the good old days. I'm only left to hope that the brother I know comes back and we can all live happily again.

——————————-

ew filler content cringee, I'm so sorry for that starter but fr thanks for all the kind messages on the update page, I should be back to a semi- normal schedule now so chapters should be coming out more often! And just wanted to say here thank you guys for all the reads on this story and on my other one, like damn it's so surprising to me that people want to read this. Anyways since I don't want to make this note a whole paragraph long I'll just end it up here, love you guys! :)

-Love, Liv

(quick note I do know this chapter honestly isn't the best one but I legit didn't know what to do for this 🧍)