"I want to leave here, but something tells me to stay." A Tommy angst

4

⚠️ !! WARNING !! ⚠️

Su!c!dal thoughts, abu$e mention, cuts (not sh), bruises, depressive thoughts, talking about abu$e, talking about bruises/cuts (non s^lf h^rm)

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I miss them so much, I really fucking miss them. Everyday is getting worse with Wilbur, I looked at my bruised arms and cut up legs. What happened to him..? The Wilbur I know would never do this, to anyone. I mean it was my fault though, I should've blocked quackity before he could message me. Wilbur got really mad at me, it hurts to remember, I hate remembering it, I bandage up a few of the deeper cuts.

I decided to go to tell Wilbur I'll be outside for a second. "Why are you going outside?" I state back to him "I just want some fresh air, it's always so cold in here and I just want to warm up." I see him hesitantly respond "Fine. But if you're trying to meet with anyone we're going to have some problems, most likely worse than yesterday." I shakily nod and head to the exit of Pogtopia.

I looked at the early morning sky, it was very bright compared to the dull cave we live in. I sat down against the wall and let my thoughts run for a second, what if I deserved this stuff happening to me? I've been a brat to Wilbur, I just should listen to him and then maybe he wouldn't do this. I'm such a terrible person, why doesn't Wilbur just leave me. I don't deserve him in my life, I look back up at the sky, it makes me think of Tubbo. He is one of the lights in my life, I feel so dull, numb you could say. I wonder if I killed myself right now, would Wilbur be happier? Would Tubbo care? Would Quackity care? I bet Wilbur would be happier, and I don't think Tubbo and Quackity would mind, I was a bother to them anyways.

My eyes watered, I didn't know how to feel. I only felt useless, like nothing. I moved my knees up and put my face inside of them, I felt myself cry. Cry tears of many emotions, too many to describe.

I felt a soft hand on my shoulder, I flinched at the sudden touch. I look up to see Tubbo and Quackity standing up infront of me, their expressions both concerned and happy. "What are you guys doing here..?" I said to them, a stutter messing up my words "We wanted to talk to you, Tommy" I began to back up I remembered what Wilbur said, he'll kill me if I talk to them "I can't- Wilbur he will-"
Quackity cut me off and said "Please Tommy, we'll come back before he even knows. Trust me." I hesitantly reply to them "..okay" Tubbo held out his hand for me to grab, and I let them drag me to wherever they wanted to take me.

That area being a small abandoned hut Tubbo sat down on this chair and he offered for me to sit next to him, and I did with caution. Quackity sat across from us, the look on his face he seemed concerned, and to be honest I was a little paranoid, I'm scared of what Wilbur could do if he found out. "Tommy, I'm gonna ask you a few questions and I'd really like for you to answer them for me, and importantly for Tubbo." I look over to Tubbo than back over to Quackity "okay..? You sure this isn't some Schlatt scheme?" I thought about Schlatt, he was an idol to me, but not anymore. Just a dictator with a alcohol problem. "I promise this isn't a Schlatt scheme, none of this info will go to him." I looked back at Tubbo, he smiled softly at me and that was the thing I needed "Alright. What's the questions?" Quackity sighed a little and glanced over to Tubbo, I decided to look over to him guessing he was asking the questions "Are you okay Tommy..? I'm worried about you man." I looked away quickly not having a direct answer, Tubbo didn't take that good and gently grabbed my arm and examined it, Quackity looking too. I wasn't looking at the time till Tubbo put his hands on my cheeks, and turning towards him. He looked at my face and I saw him start to tear up, Quackity just seemed shocked.

"He did this to you..? Tommy, Why didn't you say anything?" I just stared at Tubbo's face, words not coming to my mouth it was like Wilbur was there with his hand over my mouth, the words seemed forced away. "I'm so sorry we didn't come sooner, I didn't realize it would be this bad" Quackity seemed to look at me with pity "Guys I'm fine. You don't have to worry alright.." I tried to reassure them, I didn't need them worrying. It wasn't even that bad, and I deserved it. Tubbo looked directly into my eyes, his eyes looked like he was in so much pain. "Tommy, look at yourself! You're basically cut up everywhere and you have bruises all over you?! Why wouldn't we worry?" I looked at the ground "Tubbo..I deserved it, I didn't listen to him and that's what I got." I noticed Quackity was starting to tear up now, why is this so difficult.

"Tommy, that isn't normal! He's manipulating and abusing you! Don't you see?! You need to leave him, Tommy." Quackity seemed desperate I stood up by the door "I cant just leave him, he's my brother, he needs me!" I walk away, tears stained on my face. I'll just think of an excuse of why I was gone so long, I'll go mining and say I went mining out of spite, yeah.. I'll do that.

I want to go back though, my heart wants me to go back to Tubbo and Quackity. But also Wilbur, he's been here for me when I needed it so I can't just leave him at his worse. I'll see them soon, I promise I will.

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Sorry this chapter took awhile to come out, just been thinking about the recent events in the smp more than this story! But I am getting more motivation to write now so I'll try to release my next chapter earlier for you guys. Also I'm glad you guys seem to be enjoying the story! anyways before I'm here forever talking about how much I love you guys, I'll see you soon! Ilysm!

-From, Liv