"I want to leave here, but something tells me to stay." A Tommy angst

12

⚠️ !! WARNING !! ⚠️

mini su!c!dal thoughts, panic attacks, passing out (more a fade in and out of consciousness), smok!ng mention

——————————————
~ Quackity's POV ~

The day has finally arrived, the festival. Tubbo and I finished touching up the place. Sure it was 2 hours away, yet Schlatt is pushing us to a point where it feels as if they're coming now. I could tell Tubbo was nervous. We have speeches today, and even with the amount of work Tubbo and I have spent reading our speeches and perfecting them, I still feel as if I'd mess up, and I assume Tubbo feels a similar way.

Eventually, though, Schlatt let us take a small break which is what I needed. I told Tubbo to relax and said to him I'd be back. I would've taken him with me, but I'd instead not expose him to my addiction I've started. Walking around the prime path, I light a cigarette. Usually, I wouldn't do this. I haven't smoked in a while, but ever since I started smoking with Wilbur before the whole election, I've had this urge to do it again. I never understood the thought of smoking your pains away and still don't, but here I am doing it anyways. God, I'm a mess.

~ Tubbo's POV ~

I sat alone eating some food, I tried to get my mind off of the speech I'm doing tonight, but it's hard to not think about it. If I mess up, Schlatt will kill me. It would be funny if I were joking, but I do believe he'd kill me. I wondered what Quackity went off to do. Maybe he's practising his speech again? I don't know. Whatever he's doing, I hope he comes back soon, Schlatt's breaks are usually short, and I wouldn't want him to get yelled at again, or maybe even worse.

I wish Tommy were here right now. He'd know how to help me. I hate being here, I hate it so much, but it's not like I have a choice to leave or not, unless I'm begging to die. I look over to Schlatt, seeming to be getting drunk again. I sighed ever so slightly.

Quackity should be back by now. I didn't try to worry about that much though Quackity knows what he's doing. Schlatt walked over to me, telling me how the people should be here soon. I'm guessing he changed the time since I swore it was in a few hours. That just raised my panic level. I still don't even have my full speech memorized. I shouldn't stress this much why am I stressing so much? God, I don't even know anymore.

As the people started to arrive, I notice Quackity with the crowd, and I waved at him. He waved back, which calmed my spirits a bit. He walked over to me, and we talked about our speeches. I wonder how Tommy's doing right now?

~ Tommy's POV ~

Today was my doomsday for, say, Wilbur was going to attempt to blow up Manberg today. He asked me to go with him. Maybe if I went, I could stop him before it's too late. And that was the thought I kept as Wilbur and I began our journey to Manberg. I didn't say much to him as I didn't want too and just talking to him could change this whole plan I have. He would keep talking about how this is for the better and things like that, and it's utter bullshit, I tell you. If I didn't care about him so much, I would've stopped him by now.

The time leading up to the event felt long but short at the same time. It's hard to explain. Many things are hard for me to explain now. We've been waiting at Manberg for a while now. I just want to see if they're ok- well ok enough, I still don't even know why I'm checking. It took a while, but I managed to spot out Tubbo and Quackity. I've never wanted to so severely run up to someone and just hug them as much as I do now.

The thoughts In my head have been rambling all day. Some moments I want to see them and just get out of here with them by my side, just leaving everything behind, others being sticking with Wilbur and following through and then just giving up here and now. I wasn't confident in that last one, though. I told myself that would be my last resort or if this messes up horribly. 

Whatever Schlatt has planned since it's Schlatt, he always has something up his sleeve. It's not going to be good. Hopefully, everything will go fine in the end.

———————————————
hi guys, yes I know I haven't been here in a while and no it's not because of some crazy thing I've just been focusing on school and really just haven't had much motivation to write yk, probably gonna finish this book up soon and write one in the exile arc if you'd be willing to read it :]. Also the support I've gotten on this is so cool thank you!! For the next chapter I'll be writing about the red festival and how that went down, well in story terms so yk that's that. Love you guys sm! You are all so amazing, worth it, valid, etc.

-The Beloved, Liv

(This is probably really short and like just weird overall since everyone's POV's are in it but yk I thought it would be fun to do that, and including the headcanon with quackity just was another thing I wanted to do)