Confused

Chapter 2

Why did he have to smile at you? This is his fault I hope he knows it, it's weird kindness is so foreign these days that I get confused when it happens, but I guess there is still some good in this fucked up place. I don't have a crush on him and he doesn't have one on me but we act like we do according to everyone around us, I know all his secrets, how he use to burn himself and how
depressed he was, and sadly still is. He knows about how I cut, but not on my wrist because my parents would see, I do it on my thigh.
We are both depressed but give one another genuine smiles, it's weird really, how someone can go from your best friend to your wanna be, no matter how many times I say I don't want him I do, and he knows it, I've been placed in the friend zone but at least we talk, honestly we probably wouldn't work, he has a lot of sex and I am still a virgin, but we tell and ask each other really pervy things, it's a good relationship. Maybe if I weren't ugly, or if I "had some meat on my bones" or if he were over Stephanie.
I hate her, she ruins him everyday, she had a good thing and threw it away like it never even mattered and that's something you don't do. She's a bitch and she had him before me, I won't have him, he likes a girl with confidence and that is something I lack, something I've always lacked.