"Toko~ get up!"
"Nooo! I don't wanna."
"Get up! You have school!"
Komaru was shaking me around, trying to get me to wake up. I didn't want to go to school today, not without her. I didn't even bother setting our alarm, because I was planning on skipping. But, Komaru wasn't going to let me do that.
"Listen, I know you're scared to not have me around, but you can push through it! I know you can!"
"I'm tired. Don't make me go." I whined.
"You're going! I can't have you missing school because of me!"
I grabbed a pillow and used it to cover my face, groaning into it and closing my eyes. Komaru whacked the pillow off of me and pulled me up by my arms.
"C'mon!"
She picked me up and sat me down on the chair by her dresser. She rummaged through her closet, getting out my clothes and throwing them at me.
"I'll go make breakfast. You better put your clothes on while I'm gone."
Makoto couldn't make us breakfast today because he left early to go to an extra help class. I stumbled up and put my clothes on, then looked in the mirror at the dark circles under my eyes. I had barely gotten any sleep last night. I was too scared of having to go out alone. I had gotten too used to having Komaru there for me. At least this would only be for one day. Right, it's only one day, I have to keep reminding myself that. I can last one day. I rubbed my face and started heading downstairs. The smell of pancakes still lingered from yesterday, giving me flashbacks. I take a seat at the table, Komaru placing a bowl of cheerios in front of me.
"Eat quickly or you're gonna be late!"
I stared tiredly at my food.
"I can walk you to school, okay? And then we can do something fun after, I promise! Now just eat!"
I grab the spoon and shove it into the bowl, slowly scooping up cheerios and putting them in my mouth. Komaru stared at me impatiently, tapping her feet on the floor.
"I'm full." I said, barely any cheerios left.
"Took you long enough, now go get your stuff from upstairs and then we can leave."
Komaru grabbed my bowl and put it in the sink to wash it later. I went upstairs to grab my backpack so we could leave. When I came back down, Komaru had put on a pair of slippers and a sweater. We walked out of the house, locking the door behind us and holding hands.
"You okay, Toki?" Komaru asked me.
"Yeah, I-I'm fine. I'll just be a bit lonely at school, that's all."
"You'll be fine, I promise."
Komaru gave me a kiss on the cheek.
"If you ever need it, just text or call me."
"O-okay."
We continue walking to school and eventually get there. Komaru gave me a hug and waved bye before walking back home. Here we go. I walk into school and it seems like everyone is staring at me. I rush over to my locker and take out my phone.
To: Komaru :)
I think everyone is looking at me
It's okay toki, don't panic
just breathe and don't stress yourself out to much
🤗
okay ty
np! remember, if you have a panic attack go to the nurse and i can come to take you home
got it?
got it
✪ ω ✪👍
I decide to head for class. I look at the floor and avoid making eye contact with people. Everything felt so... weird. I sit down at my desk, resting my head down in my arms. I wanted this day to be over. I was surrounded by people who either didn't care about me, or just didn't want me there. I didn't want me there, either.
I started feeling a bit dizzy and light headed. My breaths were sharp, and I felt like I needed to grasp for air. Warm tears stream down my face and I hide myself in my arms. My world was slowly falling apart. It feels like I'm dying. Shakes take control of my body, my hands slightly tapping on my desk. A panic attack. I don't know what to do. I'm too scared to tell anyone...
How pathetic.
I'll never be able to handle anything on my own. I'm a whiney crybaby who needs someone to lean on. I know I need Komaru, but I'll seem weak. I can never do anything. I always feel like I'm in everyone's way, that I can be nothing but a burden. Sure, Komaru helps me sometimes, but I've been keeping a lot from her. Things that I don't want her to know. Like the thoughts that overcome me sometimes. There's a voice in my head that tortures me a lot. It tells me to do bad things to myself. It reminds me of how useless I am. I wish it would go away, but it never does. It always comes back to haunt me.
Komaru is the only reason I'm not dead right now.
I feel a sudden tap on my shoulder. I jump a bit, realizing someone noticed me. It was our teacher. I take some staggered breaths and wipe my tears as I look at her.
"Ms Fukawa! Are you having a panic attack? I'll escort you to the nurse and we can have someone take you home, okay?"
"O-okay."
The teacher helps me up and brings me to the nurse. The nurse lets me call Komaru and tell her to take me home. Just like always, I needed her. Like some sort of toddler who needs help walking. Stupid.
Komaru runs in and hugs me. Grabbing my hand, she leads me back home. When we get home, she does her best to distract me and calm me down. She helps me take in my surroundings, reminding me that I'm safe.
"T-thank you... I honestly don't know what I would've done without you here."
"You don't need to thank me! It's really no problem!"
"Yes, I do. Y-you have no idea how much you've actually done for me."
Komaru sweetly smiles at me and hugs me tightly. I hug back. It was a strangely comforting hug, it felt all warm and fuzzy. After that, Komaru helped me clear my mind a bit by playing games and watching movies, and then it got late so we went to bed. I'm glad Komaru will be going to school with me again tomorrow.
(1089 words)
