Love Lies (Unedited)

"Being treated like a pet rock"

Unedited**
Lucy's POV:

The cold tile of the shower. The lukewarm water hits my back. And my wet legs are held close to my chest. Water falls down my face, but at this point i can't tell if it's tears or from the shower.

My mind is filled with crawling bugs, them eating away all the good. Making me only think about the bad. The bad that's happened to me. Braden hurting me. That's all I think about. The guilt from having my baby early. He almost died. His lungs were not developed, but mine were collapsing.

I close my eyes, hiding myself from my thoughts. The water is cold now. Meaning i should get out of the shower, dry off, and get back in the bed. But I don't. I stay, letting my mind drift away. To a place that's safe. And when I reach my safe space, it disappears. Out of reach from my hands. Why do the good always get hurt the most? Why did this happen to me?

The cold water stops. My eyes stay shut. A towel drapes over my back, and arms wrap me up in the warm fabric. I stand up, slowly, but my eyes stay shut. If I look, I'll cry.

Her voice is soft, "c'mon baby." her arms loop around my side and she walks us out of the bathroom and into the bedroom. I do open my eyes when I reach the bed. My mom hands me some clothes to put on when I sit down and leaves the room.

My body's sore from all the shit it's been through, but I manage to get on my clothes. I climb into the bed and cuddle with the layers of blankets that are jumbled together. I close my eyes again, but I can't find sleep.

------

I stand in a bathroom in front of the large mirror. My reflection stares back at me. I look like I was run over by a uhaul truck about a dozen times. I lean closer and push aside the hair on my face. A faint scar sits right on the corner of my forehead. It's not too noticeable, but if you look close enough, you'll see it.

When I draw back something changes. My reflection is frowning. Her cheeks are hollowed, and her skin is pale. She smiles at me, and I shiver.

"It's your fault you know?" she speaks, "If you would've just told everyone about Braden, you never put our baby in danger. But no god forbid" Her hands go up, "Perfect little Lucy had to make sure no one knew the truth. You know why?"

I stand there, my reflection is now out of the mirror. Her face is close to mine. I feel her hands come up to my throat and start choking me, "BECAUSE SH-"

I sit up in the bed crying, but no tears fall from my face. Once I catch my breath I shove the blankets off my body and walk out of the bedroom. The hallway is dark, but I follow the same path I do every night. I make it to the door and hover over the door knob. Do I want to go in? I ask myself every night. But it's always the same. I twist the knob and open the door quietly.

The white crib rests against the wall adjacent to the door. My feet pad softly against the hardwood as I walk over to the crib. Rowan's little body is swaddled in the center of the crib. The corners of my mouth form a soft smile. He's so small, but he looks so peaceful.

I pick him up, and walk over to the rocking chair. When I sit down and start rocking back in forth slightly, his little eyes flutter open. I smile, my finger traces his facial features.

"Hi my little angel," I whisper, turning on my sweet teacher voice, "Mommy missed seeing you earlier." I go quiet and watch his eyes wonder. Baby's a curious little things. If he wasn't swaddled, his hand would probably be squeezing my pinky.

"You're probably getting hungry, aren't you?" I ask, standing up "mhm hmm, why don't we go fix you something to eat? Cause if you start crying, daddy's gonna come in here and take you from me and do everything. But mommy's a capable woman, isn't she?"