𝐀 𝐏𝐚𝐰𝐧 𝐢𝐧 𝐚 𝐂𝐡𝐞𝐬𝐬 𝐆𝐚𝐦𝐞 ♛ (𝐅𝐫𝐞𝐫𝐚𝐫𝐝)

15 : Hormones Doing What They Do

Frank's POV :

Something had progressively changed in my mind and I slowly realized that I liked Gerard so much than we had to be more than what we currently were.

These dreams I had been having, these feelings I had been developing, and more recently that terrible attraction... It felt like both a curse and a blessing.

Something about Gerard makes my knees go weak. I've always looked up at him. He used to be a father figure to me. But now I know it's not just a regular type of admiration. Actually, admiration was both a trigger and a consequence of what I was now feeling for him.

Gerard understands me. Our relationship has never been 'normal'. I don't see why it should ever be. We're deviant, we're out of the norms, but there is nothing wrong with that.

Gerard is a good man who has always protected me. I believe I'm a good person as well. People might think my feelings are unacceptable, but I couldn't care less. We've never hurt anyone. I just want to be happy with him, that's all I'm asking for.

I do believe that free will exists. I'm the master of my own fate, and I'm mature now, I know who I want to be. I'm making my own choices. No one is making me do anything.

I'm sure Gerard can understand that, and he will see that there is no problem with us being together.

Now I know that I have to follow my heart, and I know what to do. I have to find a way to confess my feelings to Gerard without shocking him. I'm sure I can convince him that I have so much to give him.

I sat at my desk and did the homework Gerard gave me. Pff, physics... A nightmare. I don't understand anything. I'll have to ask Gerard to explain that this evening. And maybe try to...

•••
"Hey Frank," Gerard called. He had just come back from work.

I helped him with his coat and hung it. I embraced him and felt him stiffen a little.

"Uh, ahem, thank you. Have you learnt your lessons? I'll make you recite them."

"Of course. Oh and I'll need some help in physics. If you're not feeling too tired, I mean."

"Sure."

Gerard looked at me with pride on his face. He seemed pretty okay, all things considered. That made me feel a bit more confident. Maybe he thought about yesterday and... I don't know how to put it, but basically he reconsidered our situation.

We settled on the living room table and Gerard began explaining me physics stuff he called 'basic'. That was just gibberish to me. I tried to get interested but wow, it was hard. Pff, literature is so much better.

I chewed dreamily on my pencil tip and focused on diagrams I didn't understand, as though staring at them would miraculously provoke a light bulb.

My gaze trailed up from the pages to Gerard. His hands, chest, neck, rosy cheeks, upturned nose, thick eyela-

"-Frank?"
Gerard's eyes met mine and that instantly snapped out of my daydream.

"Please focus Frank, this is an important point of the chapter." Gerard pouted a little.

I nodded. Gerard resumed his explanation and I couldn't help but glance at him from time to time.

I wonder how Gerard can understand everything in every subject. He must be some sort of genius or something like that. I knew he was smart, but he seemed to be pushing the limits of intelligence everyday.

I'm so lucky I came upon him out of anyone, and I'm so lucky he took such an interest in me.

"And.. So this is the frequency, right?" I showed him the wave with my pencil. Gerard bent to see and oh boy, my mind became fuzzy as he was so close.