Best friends with benefits (JJ Maybank)

(15) my shirt

(JJs pov)

After this mornings events and having to apologise to the pogues for the noise we had made, we all agreed to take the boat out but the weather had taken a turn for the worst.

"Guys, I think we should start heading back," Kiara said, sounding worried as she looked at the quickly approaching dark clouds.

Hannah looked up, "Yeah, Kie's right. That doesn't look good," as Pope and John B agreed, revving up the engine and starting the drive back to shore.

I glanced back at Hannah, before staring up at darkening clouds a hit of panic running down my spine. "Do you think it's gonna be a storm?" I asked her quietly. I took a deep breath and slipped my hand into hers,

"It's fine... we'll be back before it starts," she promised, giving me a small smile. As if in que, the wind picked up and the boat began to rock on the newly forming waves,

"...Shit," John B muttered, struggling to control the swaying boat.

Hannah moved forward, pulling me with her. The two of us flinching at the sound of thunder in the distance, and my grip tightening around her hand. Everyone looked nervously back at me, knowing how storms often triggered my panic attacks. Not because i was scared of storms but the noise and not having control or knowing what's going to happen reminds me of the fights between my dad and without realising the storms send me into a full blown panic. I quickly shook myself out of my thoughts glancing back at the others.

"What..." i brushed it off, but unable to hide the fear dripping from my words, "I-I'm fine guys," Pope and john b nodded, turning their attention back to steering the boat home in the dangerous waters. Kie gave me a look of pity before turning to help the boys with the steering.

Another roar of thunder shook the sky as rain began pelting down. I could feel my breath picking up and i squeezed his eyes shut trying to gain control or myself but i could feel the heat rising up my neck contrasting with the icy shivers down my back, unable to stop my thoughts from spiralling.

Hannah shifted so she was directly facing me, putting both of her hands into mine, "JJ.... JJ hey, listen to me," she whispered softly.

I slowly opened my tear filled eyes, trying to steady my rapidly increasing breathing, feeling like my heartbeat was going to break through my chest "Hannah... I-I can't..." i trailed off, my breath picking up again as i began to spiral into a full blown panic.

"Shhhh," she's placed my forehead against hers, looking up at me, "JJ, just look at me," i finally managed to lock eyes with her, a tear falling down my cheek. I hated how vulnerable I looked but I couldn't control myself and i was starting to feel dizzy from my thoughts.

"Hey... Hey," she comforted, wiping away my tear with her thumb, "Focus on me. I'm here, with you, i nodded slowly, mt breath starting to settle as i focused on Hannah and Hannah only.

"I'm not going anywhere," she promised, "Everything's going to be okay," she said with a small smile. I nodded again, finally breathing easier although still feeling like i was on the edge.

"Thank you," i whispered still squeezing Hannahs hands, not ready to let go.

***

After getting home from the boat ride and the storm clearing up i decided to make an appearance at my dads house because it had been nearly a week since I'd been there and he would only get angrier the longer i left it.

I always try to go into those moments with high hopes that something will be different but, of course, my dad was sprawled out on the couch in the living room, watching football, surrounded by empty bottles of beer when i walked through the front door.

It didn't take long for things to escalate. He had me by the shoulders, pressed firmly against the wall, as he shouted degrading insults at me.  "You're a worthless, good-for-nothing, piece of shit," he slurred, his breath panned on my face, making me squirm.

"I guess the apple didn't fall too far from the tree, did it dad," i shot back, my voice tense as i tested my dads patience, resisting the urge to spit in the mans face. His hand smacked across my face just as the phrase finished leaving my mouth, the force of the hit sending me to the floor. I braced myself for another hit but only flinched at my dads voice towering over him. I only grew more angry with every slurred word leaving his lips.

When his tangent ended, i wordlessly stood up from his position on the floor and stormed out of the house, not even getting the clothes that i went for.

I was heated the whole way to the Chateau, my hands were curled into tight fists, my jaw clenched tightly, as the words he shouted at me bounced around my mind freely. I held that posture for the entirety of the trek back to the Chateau, frustrated that i decided to go back home in the first place.

As I approached the door, the sound of Hannahs laugh rang through the chateau as i stomped up the steps loudly. Normally the soud would bring me a sense of comfort but i was unphased by it, tugging the door open aggressively as i planned to retreat to the spare bedroom without anyone getting in my way.

"JJ," Hannah calls upon seeing me come sauntering through the front door. I simply shrugs her off, ignoring the call as i rushes towards the spare bedroom, not wanting to cause a scene or take my frustration out on her.

She hurriedly follows me down the hall as i slam the door in her face. Regretting it before my hand has even moved.

"JJ, what's wrong," she question gently, my foot tapping on the floor. "JJ, what-."

"Look Hannah, I'm not really in the mood to-," i briefly pauses as my eyes land on her, the shirt covering her body catching my attention. "Is that my shirt?" I internally melt at the sight, all of the anger draining from my system as i scan over her body. She looks down at her feet, pulling the fabric away from her skin as a deep blush forms on her cheeks.

"Oh," she hums, bashfully pushing her hair behind your ear. "Yeah, my shirt was way too constricting in the heat. I can take this off if you want, I just-,"

"No," i interrupt quickly, as i study her appearance again. "No, I like how it looks on you." I move siting against the headboard of the spare bed, before pulling Hannah into my lap. I lays down, pulling her on top of me, letting out a deep breath as she curls into my chest.

"Your dad was home, wasn't he," her voice breaks the calming silence, my fingers drawing soothing circles against the bare skin on her thigh. I simply nod into her hair, groaning when she pushed against my chest to sit up. "Are you okay?" I see her instinctively scans my body for bruises, her eyes landing on the swelling forming on my cheek. I flinch away from her touch just as her fingers run over the area.

"Today was cake compared to how it usually is," i admit, sitting up. "but I really don't want to talk about it."

"Alright," she breathes, opting to let it go rather than pushing me to talk. "What do you want to talk about then?"

"Maybe we could start off by addressing how cute you look in my clothes," i offer, making her squeal as i flips us over so i can hover over her small figure. She giggles, wrapping her arms around me, as i begin peppering butterfly kisses all over her neck. "Seriously, seeing you in my shirt makes me want to melt."

She blushes at my statement, ruffling my hair as i falls against her chest, curling my arms around her. I get under the cover and wrap Hannah in my arms once again "goodnight Hannah"

"Night, J"

~~~~~~~~
JJ just makes my heart melt

-L   <3