Swear || a.i [editing in progress]

30 "Is This The End?"

"You need to eat." Clementine sat on the chair on the other side of Ashton's bed, her arms crossed and brows raised.

"I'm not eating if he isn't." I said for the thousandth time. Ashton hasn't woken up and I was getting unnerved. 

"He is eating!" Clementine tugged at the little tube running from a machine to Ashton's throat. "See?"

"Don't touch it!" I swatted her hand away. 

She sighed in defeat and slumped back onto her chair. I had never seen Ashton look so...vulnerable. It pained me to see him like this.

I would go home to my three month old son who would wiggle his fingers for touch. But every time I held him, he would break out into a shriek. I knew there was only one person Ansel wanted to touch, and that was his father. 

"This is fucking bullshit Clem." I buried my head in my palms. I struggled to compose myself but it got harder and harder day by day. I felt a hand rest on my shoulders gently. As if it wanted to give me some kind of soothing effect but, call me selfish or picky, I just want to feel Ashton's comfort.

"Your mother, she..." Clem dragged on her words. I haven't seen my mom since the incident but I never stopped considering what she said. 

"What about her?" I replied, attempting to sound uninterested. 

"She truly wanted to help you but Jess found out and dismissed her from the plan to harm you. She really did care." Clem tried to explain. She had no motive or reason to side with my mother which was all the more reason to believe her. 

"How could I trust her?" I stressed. 

"Bay, please. I grew up without a mother in my life and you know that I'd kill for a mother but guess what?I know that any mother would do anything to protect their child. You would never let Ansel get hurt, would you?" Clementine pleaded for my understanding. 

"I've just been blinded by...everything." I admit.

"Ashton is hospitalized and you're avoiding the problems thrown at you, you have a kid, your boyfriend is famous as fuck but all you're doing is weeping." Clementine pointed out. I kept my mouth shut, unsure of a good reply.

"I know you're going through a lot but the Bay Quinn I know gets up from her bed and kicks ass. Stop staring at your dumb room ceiling and do something."

I looked at Ashton, wired through his veins to some machine. His breathing little to nothing, the strong structure he once had withered like a winter rose.

What could I do with him? My heart shredded at the sight of his frail frame holding that weak spirit that I still love.

As for my mother...

Well they said a parent is someone who watches you take your first steps, one that nurtures you, one that loves you.

So many people don't understand the pain of having the people who were supposed to love them most, not.

I felt that first hand but what she did for us, is it enough to replace all those suffering-filled years? And I just knew that if she wasn't there, I wouldn't be breathing.

A soft knock sounded on the door. We turned our heads toward the sound. The door creaked open slowly to reveal my mother holding a bag in her hands.

"I was worried that you girls would be hungry so I got something." My mom said, placing the bag on a table.

"I'll leave you guys to talk." Clem dismissed herself and left the room silently, shooting me a warning look before closing the door.

"How's Ashton?" Her question caught me a little of guard. Hell, hearing her talk to me was surprising enough.

"He's okay..." I dragged, laying a hand on Ashton's stationary one.

I wanted him to be more than okay.

"Do you have anything to say to me? Or should I just leave now?" My mom asked softly. I had an inner battle within my bones whether or not I accept her.

I opened my mouth but no sound emitted. Maybe I just wasn't ready. I shook my head and forced a tight smile.

My mom averted her gaze from Ashton then to me before returning a nod and leaving the room.

I let out a breath I didn't even realize that I was holding.

I wanted to hear his voice again. Hear him crack a stupid joke that I would kill him for. Feel his hands wrapped around mine as we whispered sweet nothings to each other.

Maybe I should talk to him a little more. I never believed that it would happen.

"Hey,Ash." I started, urging for a reply but...nothing.

"I really miss you. Everyone does. Please please wake up. Ansel misses you. So does everyone else. Ashton..." I trail. I gulped a lump down my throat, bracing myself before I say the next line of the string of words I have prepared in my head.

"Ashton, I love you." I say. after realizing that I didn't sound the least sincere because I was too nervous.

Damn it Bay, just say it.

"Ashton I love you! I love you I love you! I love the way you smile and the way you understand me when I'm angry or sad or how you would go the extra mile just to make me happy. I love how no matter what happens, we would still be there for each other and how cute you look in a bandana. I love your everything Ash. I love you."

Ashton remained still. Only the sounds of the beeps of his heartbeat and the sounds of my angry breathing could be heard.

"Ashton! Please if you hear me, say something! Do something! Please!" I screamed desperately. My hands clutched tightly on his arm as I shook him.

Suddenly, the beeps went dead. The loud, long and seemingly never ending shrill tone rang in my ear and shook my spine.

No.

"Doctor! Doctor! Shit!" I called for help. I felt like my life was being sucked away as was Ashton's.