Swear || a.i [editing in progress]

29 "I Want You"

Waking up was bittersweet.

I woke up to the sound of Ansel crying and that was all I needed, my baby was still alive but I also woke up to bright light and pale white walls. I was in the hospital. The smell of medicine filled my nose which made me feel nauseated. 

The familiar faces that surrounded me intrigued me.

"Are you okay?" Luke asked. I never knew what happened after I blacked out.

"How's Ashton?" I asked frantically, without replying Luke. Ashton was shot but I couldn't be sure whether he made it out safely.

"He..." Michael started but didn't finish.

"Calum is with him now." Luke finished. I didn't expect Calum to be here.

"Can I see him?" I asked hopefully.

"No, sorry. You will later." Luke explained, glancing at Michael with an apologetic look in his eye.

A nurse walked into my room, carrying a board, looking intimidatingly professional.

"I'll do a check on you in a few minutes alright? You just fainted out of shock. Nothing too bad."

The nurse gestured for Michael and Luke to leave the room.

"How's my boyfriend?" I asked the nurse. Luke and Michael didn't tell me so might as well ask the nurse.

"Your friends and your mother would like to keep it away from you until you get better." The nurse would barely look at me in the eye. What the hell did she mean by keep it away? Till I get better? Mother?

"What do you mean 'my mother'?" I scoffed. I had no idea why my mother was involved. 

"I don't know what goes on with my patient's personal lives but I can tell you that, your mother still cares for you."

•_•_•_•_•_•

The news dropped on me like a fucking bomb.

Ashton had to go through surgery. The surgery was over. But he wasn't waking up. He was in a coma.

When he fell to the ground, his head knocked hard onto the concrete. Making him lose consciousness.

The bullet shot through his chest, missing his vital organs by a few inches. I thank God for that.He was relatively safe. Now I just needed him to wake up.

I sat by his bed, holding his hand tightly.

Everyone left me alone with him. Saying that I should talk to him and so on.

The first words that I could choke out was "I'm sorry."

"I'm sorry for saying that you don't care about Ansel. I'm sorry for being so ungrateful. I'm so sorry." I huddled close to his arm as I sobbed into the pajamas he was wearing.

His head was bandaged. And I didn't even want to look beneath his cloths.

"Bay."

I looked up to see Calum, standing by Ashton's bedside. His eye bags were potentially bigger than mine. I was shocked to see him, I didn't know why I was though.

"How're you?" He asked politely. I really didn't want things to be awkward between Cal and I.

But I was way too depressed to say anything about it.

"What do you think?" I huffed and laid my head on Ashton's warm hand.

"I know it sucks for you to see Ashton like this. Trust me, I hurt too." Calum said as he pulled a chair to sit.

"I don't even know how we ended up here." I admitted.

"First of all, Clementine and Rachel were helping us." Calum started.

I raised a brow at him.

"Oh really?" I found that hard to believe. Seeing them wheel my baby out was the most hurtful thing I've seen in our many years of friendship.

"They explained to us that whenever Jess made them torture Ansel, they would nurture him instead. Those scratches? They were fake." Calum explained. I never really expected my friends to actually go so far to help me as to risk their lives working with Jess.

"What happened after?" Calum shifted uncomfortably.

"Uh, Luke and I kind of found your mother in your apartment and we found the note. We called the police and we knew where Ash met Jess. So..." He explained. My mom? She was helping me on this.

"Hey." Calum snapped me out of my thoughts. I looked up at him. I never actually realized how tired he looked.

Probably worse than I was.

"Mike told me what happened in the car." I continued staring silently at him. I didn't know what to do, with Ashton or Calum.

After realizing that I wasn't going to say anything, Calum spoke again.

"Ashton didn't mean to hurt you. He never did." My eyes softened a little. I knew that. I knew that Ashton cares for me and I knew that he wouldn't hurt me.

But I hurt him.

"I'll make my move. Talk to him, Bay. He needs you." Calum started to stand up and made his way out the door.

I looked back at Ashton, hoping,praying that he moves. I want him back to speak to him. I want to love him more than I ever did the pass few months. I want to feel him again.

After an hour or so of dead silence, I got up from my chair, shaking out the numbness of my legs and walked out of the room.

To my surprise, my mother, weary and alone, stood there waiting for me.

"Bay?" She says in a vulnerable tone when she saw me. I promised myself that I would keep a straight and firm distance from my mother.

"We don't need you. Leave before I make you." I warned curtly,avoiding her deadly gaze.

"I just want to talk." She slouches.

"Well," I looked at her, struggling not to break. "I don't."

Before I could walk away, she grabbed my arm forcefully to pull me back.

"Just listen."

"I'm sorry. For treating you like bullshit and making you feel so useless all these years. I blamed you for something you did not have control of. And I'm sorry. I realized how many years I have wasted being mad at you and how much you love the people around you. It killed me to plot against you with Jess. I loved your father. But now I only have you and Elliot with me and I don't want to lose you too. I didn't realize how close I was to." She said it all at a go without giving me time to speak to her.

Not that I had any words for her anyway.

I tugged my arm lightly, shrugging her off and walking away to wherever. I wanted to think about it alone. And I wanted to be close to Ashton again.

I just don't know when I will ever be.

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I'm so sorry for not posting the past few weeks ish. Schools a bitch and please forgive me :3 love you :)