Swear || a.i [editing in progress]

Thirteen

Rachel had me thinking for a very long time. Who did I truly desire? If I chose Calum, I sacrifice not being able to be with the one who set my soul on fire but my child would have a healthy family to grow up in. If I chose Ashton, I sacrifice my child's happiness. Or rather, I might have sacrifice having my child at all.

Calum was almost recovered since that night. We moved to a house in LA, where they would work in peace, away from the noise. I sat on the couch in silence. It was 4am or so and I couldn't sleep. The baby had been messing up my schedule big time.

I finally got up off the couch and walked up the stairs slowly. I had an ultrasound in the morning and I needed some sleep. I was going to have a healthy baby boy. I was really excited about that.

When I reached the top step, I puffed out a breath that I was holding. I started panting since getting up the stairs was basically a chore. It was a work out. Gone were the days when jogging was leisure.

My feet dusted the floors as I dragged them across the cold wooden tiles of this big house.

"Bay?" I turned around a little too fast only for me to lose my balance and fall over. A pair of large arms grabbed and supported me before I could hit the ground and suffer awful consequences. Ashton always smelled of sweet berries and it only got stronger the closer I was to him.

"What are you doing up so late?" Ashton asked as he helped me get back on my feet. We never really talked after I left him in the waiting room. There was a mutual understanding that as long as he didn't want the kid, I couldn't foresee a future with him, as much as I wanted to.

"I-uh- I got up to pee but I couldn't fall asleep after that." I muttered. "You?"

"Oh, I couldn't sleep." I didn't know that Ashton had insomnia.

"Thinking?" I asked. He placed his hands into the pockets of his pyjama pants before nodding. I didn't ask him what he was thinking about. Probably something about the tour to come.

"Do you want to talk?" Ashton asked. I pondered about it for a moment before nodding. It wouldn't hurt.

I followed him back into his room to talk. I haven't been in his room before. Haven't thought about it either. His room was cold too. He had cloths lying around on the floor and a guitar at the corner of his room.

It was dimly lit by a lamp on a small table next to a couch.

He slumped onto the couch and sighed, looking up at the ceiling. He looked tired, really extremely exhausted.

"Have you been sleeping well?" I asked out of concern as I slowly sat next to him.

He shook his head. The dim light barely lit up his features. He had a really pointy nose.

"So how are things with Calum?" Ashton asked as he straightened himself up. He looked at me and waited for an answer. I tuck a strand of hair behind my ears and shrugged.

"I honestly don't know. We aren't serious or anything." I admitted. Were we? I honestly didn't know. We hadn't made it official. We just kept things casual. Every time he texted me sweet nothings, I just text back a smiley face because I couldn't think of anything else that would not be betrayal to my own feelings.

"Oh I see." He whispered. He turned his head to look at me before turning back again. Silence filled the room.

"What's the baby's name? Boy or Girl?" Ashton asked. I was starting to get taken aback by his sudden chitchat, but I answered them anyway.

"It's a boy and I'm not sure. Haven't thought of it yet." I replied truthfully. The imagery of welcoming a baby boy into the world was the most heartwarming thought. If I only I'd thought of his name. I did, however, take Robert, Clifford and Hemmo into consideration.