From the Flames- Book Six

Ch. 32- From the Flames

I was born from the flames of Hell. The powers in my bones, in my blood, can destroy buildings and lives within seconds. I've always known I was a monster that was dangerous. I knew that I would have enemies that would try to bring me down for what I can do. For what I was born with. Whether I like it or not, the fire is a part of me. With fire brings anger. Anger at my parents for creating me, at my brother for always protecting me from everyone. Anger at Jesse for wanting me and not running away when I showed him the worst parts of who I am. I was angry at everyone who loved me because I do not deserve it. 

I do not deserve to have this family of mine, who loves me unconditionally. Who knew from the very first moment I showed my powers that I was going to be deadly. Terrifying. My friends managed to not be afraid, even Jesse. He brought down all the walls I built around my heart. Jesse knows everything that I am and still decided that he was going to stand beside me. I do not know why for the life of me. 

I closed my eyes and let out a breath. Mother, I am sorry. I am sorry for hurting you, for growing up, and for being angry at the world. At you. I struggle to be my genuine self because I am afraid. More than you know, I am terrified of hurting the ones I love the most. You know me better than anyone and I know if you were here right now, you would give me advice that I want to hear. You were always the one person I looked up to. I wanted to fight just like you do. Yet, I cannot stop myself from thinking of giving up.

A soft voice spoke through my mind. Kalama, darling, you have nothing to be sorry for. For the longest time, I was angry too. I was scared. When you were born, I did not know what to do. I did not know whether I would be a good Mother to you two because I thought I was going to die. I thought I was not going to survive giving birth to you. But I did. And it was difficult to live when I gave up. Yes, I did give up. When I was possessed by Segovia, I thought it would be best to kill two birds with one stone. I fell off a building and I wanted to die. But Sebastian saved me--he somehow always does. He understood that I wanted to give up but he always told me not to. That there will be moments in my life where I would not think of the pain. Where I would be happy and at peace. 

I'm telling you this because we are similar, Kalama. Your fire was mine, all mine. Not the fire from Hell. Just like the ice of your brothers is Sebastian's. It is so easy to give up, to quit fighting. But do not. You have so much happiness ahead of you, so many memories that you would create. You, Kalama, I will always love with everything that I am. Please tell Sebastian the same. He needs you two even more now. I know he is not giving up to find me, but every day he is losing that fight. You have to remind him that he is not alone. No one is ever alone. 

I will, Mama. 

I opened my eyes again and found the strength to keep walking.

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