All of Your Life

First Day Back

The next day was her first day back at Seattle Grace; Meredith was stood outside the hospital, holding Ava in her arms, just as Derek walked over to her, ignoring Mark.

"Meredith" Derek said gently.

"Dr Shepherd" Meredith said turning around to greet her ex boyfriend/boss.

"Are you planning on walking into the building, Dr Grey" Derek asked her giving her his trademark smile, the smile that she couldn't say no to. "Of course I do, it's just weird"

"Entering a building that you don't know"

"Kind of" Meredith said, noticing Addison walking towards them. Derek only noticed Addison after she had given him a kiss on the cheek.

"Addison, this is Dr Grey, my new resident"

"Nice to meet you Dr Montgomery-Shepherd" Meredith said, not noticing Derek frowning at her, knowing that he had never introduced Addison to Meredith, he didn't remembering them meeting.

"We met yesterday" Addison to explain why Meredith greeted her by her name.

"Oh...right" Derek said quietly, something clicked in his head, and he could feel her lips against his.

Derek turns around to face Meredith and she snaps. Dropping her folders and pushes Derek against the wall of the elevator and kisses him. They start making out as the elevator goes up the floors. The elevator bings and they break apart. As the doors opens, Meredith is picking the files up from the floor while Dr. Shepherd just stands there. She hurries out of the elevator. As the other doctors get on Derek gets a bit flustered by the situation.

"We'll talk later?" Derek called out after her, has the elevator doors closed.

Derek could hear Addison calling his name, which brought him back to the present.

"Sorry" Derek said to his wife.

"I have to go, I will see you at lunchtime" Addison said leaning forwards and giving her husband a kiss on the cheek, before giving Meredith a small smile and walking into the hospital.

"I have to get Ava to day-care, so I will see ya" Meredith said quickly, recognising the look on Derek's face. As Meredith walked away from him, he felt cold, and found that, even though this was the only second time that he had seen Meredith, standing next to her made him feel less alone.

Meredith hated leaving Ava in day-care, she hated leaving her period, she was the only thing that she had left of Derek, the love of her life, and pretending that she doesn't feel how she felt about him was hard, she had only seen him twice since she had gotten back, but all she wanted to do was reach out and touch him, kiss him and tell him that she loved him, always had and that she always will. She knew that she would be spending a lot of time working under him, and she had spent the past two years missing him, and she still missed him. By the time Meredith had gotten up to the surgical floor she was a few minutes late, not what she wanted to be on her first day back.

"Grey" she heard Bailey call her name, Meredith quickly turned around to face her former resident.

"Dr Bailey, sorry I'm late I had a hard time settling Ava into day care"

"Meredith, it fine, I thought you might be interested in meeting your interns, this is Dr Sophie Newton, Dr Ryan Jackson, Dr Lucy Gibbons, Dr Martin Clover and Dr Amy Shepherd"

"Shepherd?"

"Yes, i am Dr Shepherd's sister"

"Which one?" Meredith asked her already knowing the answer; she was the spitting image of her daughter, knowing that it would only lead to questions being asked.

"Derek" Amy replied.

"Right" Meredith said, Bailey watched her former intern closely and noticed that look of panic of her eyes.

"Okay go to your assignments, you first shift with Dr Grey will start tomorrow" Bailey grabs Meredith by the arm and leads her into the nearest on call room. "Meredith, you need calm down" Bailey noticing that Meredith was having trouble breathing.

"I...Can't..." Meredith said, gasping for breath.

"Yes you can Meredith, you need to calm down think about your little girl downstairs" Bailey told her, rubbing her back. After a few minutes, Meredith managed to calm down her breathing.

"Sorry"

"I didn't think what meeting Derek sister what do to you, I'm sorry Meredith"

"Bailey no...it just Ava is the spitting image of her father, and evidently her aunt, someone is going to find out, and I can't let that happen"

"Meredith, so what if Derek did find out? Would it be so bad? You clearly still love him"

"He doesn't remember me, or what Addison and Mark did. I can't do that to him"

"Meredith...I am going to tell you something. Since the accident, he has not been the Derek that we all know, even though he doesn't remember you on the surface, I think deep down he does. When he saw you yesterday, he eyes lit up, in a way that I haven't seen since before Addison turned up, when he was with you"

"You know he begged me to stay" Meredith said with tears running down her face. "If I did he wouldn't have chased me to the airport, and the accident would have never happen"

"Meredith...you can't think like that. Just know this, he loved you Meredith, I might not have been supportive of your relationship but I do know when he looked at you and saw you, he loved you"

"Thank you Bailey"

"Meredith, if you need to talk you know where I am...and not to mention the idiot talks to me too" Meredith laughed.

"Thanks Bailey"

"Right you better get going before you attending comes searching for you" Bailey said standing up and leaving Meredith alone in the on call room, she gave herself a few minutes to pull herself together because going off to find Derek.

It was the end of her first shift, she knew it was going to be hard, to spend so much time around Derek, but it wasn't as bad as she thought it was going to be. She found that they quickly slipped into their old ways in the OR, working together instinctively; she heard some of the nurse's whispering about it, she could only hope that it didn't reach Derek ears, because there were some questions that she really didn't want to answer. It did unnerve her slightly, and every so often, she felt his eyes on her, and she couldn't help but smile gently under her mask, his look still gave her a sense of comfort, and she would bask in that, even if she couldn't be with him. Once the surgery was over and they were left alone in the scrub room, and the OR was empty, Meredith could feel the tension in the air between them, Meredith had noticed that he had been given her their look, not that he would remember it, but it made her want to jump him whether he remembered her or not, she quickly scrubbed out, trying not to make eye contact with Derek, and quickly rushed out of the scrub room before he could stop her.