All of Your Life

Showing up to her House

For the rest of the week, Meredith barely saw Derek, having been working with her interns, and working alongside several other neurosurgeons in his department, Meredith was grateful. It was nice to have the time away from him, allowing her time to sort herself out before working alongside him the next day, it was going to be her first solo procedure at Seattle Grace, and a part of her was happy it was going to be under Derek's supervision, since if it wasn't for him, she would never have gone into neuro.

Meredith was giving Ava her tea, just as the doorbell went, she wasn't expecting anyone, and she wondered who it was. As she went to answer it, she saw Derek; stood on her porch, she wondered what he wanted.

"Dr Shepherd, what...what are you doing here?"

"Can I come in please?"

"Of course Dr Shepherd" Meredith said standing aside. "We will have to go into the kitchen I am just feeding Ava"

"Meredith...Please call me Derek"

"Okay" Meredith said leading him into the kitchen where Ava was making a mess already covered in banana. "Ava look at you, we have made a mess tonight" Meredith said to her daughter, Derek was watching her closely, he didn't know why but a part of him wished that Ava was his daughter, it didn't make sense because he hadn't known either of them long, he just knew that he couldn't get Meredith or Ava out of his head, the last few days, not since that day Ava called him dada.

"I just need to give her a bath, do you mind waiting?"

"Of course not Meredith" Derek said giving her a smile, Meredith walked out holding her daughter close to her.

While Meredith was bathing Ava, Derek walked into the lounge, this seemed to be the most familiar room to him, and he looked at the photos and saw some of her, Yang, Stevens, Karev and O'Malley from what he guessed was their intern year, and another photo of Meredith, laughing with someone but it was obvious that the other person had been cut out, but he could tell that she was happy, and there was a sparkle in her eyes. He moved away and looked at a photo that has obviously been taken just after Meredith had given birth, holding a little Ava.

"Hey" Meredith said quietly from the doorway, trying to fight off the memories of their first night together.

"Where's Ava?"

"She fell asleep while I was bathing her. What do you want Derek? How did you find out where I lived?"

"I will admit I might have sneaked a look at your personal file"

"Isn't that breaking some confidentiality laws Dr Shepherd" Meredith said playfully falling back to her old ways with him, for a moment she just wanted to remember what that was like.

"Yeah, but oddly I don't care" Derek said smiling at her, as he walked over to her, standing right in front of her, Meredith so badly wanted to move away but found herself rooted to the spot, and staring into his gaze, she recognised the dark in his eyes, it was the way he looked at her, when he was about to kiss her. Meredith knew she needed to stop this, but she couldn't, it wasn't until his lips met hers that she found the strength to pull away.

"Dr Shepherd, we...can't...married...not" Meredith rambled, stepping away from him, she turned away until Derek grabbed her arm, and pulled her so she looked at him.

"Meredith...I'm sorry...that wasn't meant to happen, but I find myself drawn to you"

"Derek...your married...I can't do it not again" Meredith said not meeting his eyes. Derek cupped her face, and lifted it up until he could see her eyes, he noticed the unfallen tears.

"I'm sorry; I didn't mean to remind you. I guess you are talking about Ava's father" Derek said gently, Meredith simply nodded, not trusting herself to speak. "You don't deserve that Meredith" he told her, as she finally broke down. Derek held her closely letting her sob in his arms and for the first time in two years Meredith let herself be comforted, by the man that had hurt her the most, and that made this situation so much harder, but she let herself forgot all the pain and allows herself to escape in the embrace of the man she loved so much.