All of Your Life

Meredith's Talk with Amy

Meredith was sat opposite Amy in one of the on-call rooms, she noticed that lunch with her mom hadn't gone well, and that both Derek and Amy had left, she had walked into the cafeteria just has Amy passed her and noticed that Mrs Shepherd was sat at the table looking into space. She looked after Amy and decided to follow her; she would talk to Derek at home.

"Amy" she called after her, but noticing that Amy didn't stop, she as concerned, not as her resident but as her future sister in law, even a close friend, she grabbed hold of her arm and dragged her into an on call room, locking the door behind her.

"Amy, what the hell happened?"

"Nothing, I'm fine"

"Don't give me that crap Amy, I recognise fine, when I see it, I used to be fine too" Meredith told her, not prepared to see Amy completely break down in front of her as she started crying. Meredith sat down beside her and wrapped her arms around her, has she cried.

"Derek stood up for you and Ava" she told her.

"I don't care; what is going on with you, Amy?"

"I can't Meredith, you will hate me"

"Amy, what happened, just tell me, i won't hate you"

"Everyone else does"

"Amy i happen to know how much Derek loves you, and so does Mark, i see how protective he is over you"

"I feel bad, knowing what Mark did to Derek and i hate him for it, but Mark helped raise me with Derek after daddy died, and i hate to choose between them"

"Derek doesn't expect you too"

"Derek hates Mark, and i don't blame him, after what he and Addie did to him"

"Maybe but that still doesn't tell me anything Ames, and i recognise an avoidance tactic when i see it, please me honest with me Amy, not as your resident but as your brother's girlfriend"

"When in college, i became involved in a relationship with a professor, i fell in love with him, we were seeing each other for two years before i discovered that he was married, and then i fell pregnant with Josh. I love my son Meredith so much but because of having him I lost my whole family but Mark and Derek. Mom, Nancy, Kathleen and Olivia being from a good catholic family, thought that i made the wrong choice and practically disowned me; mom has never forgiven me" Meredith let her cry on her shoulder, just supporting her, until the tears dried up.

"What hurts the most is that Josh only knows Uncle Derek and Uncle Mark and not the rest of his aunts, uncles and cousins or even his grandma"

"Amy listen to me, that is not your fault, look at me and Derek, when i first met him, i never knew he was married, hell he was suppose to be a one night stand, when i met him at the hospital the next day i tried to avoid him, but i was but on his case. I tried not to fall for him, i spent six weeks trying not to fall in love with him, but i did and the two months we spent together were the happiest i have ever been; the day Addison showed up and introduced herself as his wife, my whole world fell apart, the person i felt i was going to spend the rest of my life, broke me in a way my mom was never able to. I even begged Derek to choose me, and he still chose Addison, and the only explanation i got was she is my wife, but i never regret falling in love with him, i got Ava out of it, hell i finally knew what love was, it has taken me a long time to forgive him and if i am completely honest, i haven't forgiven him"

"You know i don't regret it, i should, but i can't when i got my perfect son, but how can you be with Derek if you haven't forgiven him" she asked her.

"Because i am completely in love with him and that he doesn't remember us, i have to try and forget about it"

"But doesn't it make you wonder if the choice came down to it, that he would choose her again"

"Yes, it terrifies me; but i also know that he wouldn't leave his daughter"

"Meredith"

"I know it isn't healthy Amy, but for now i have him, Derek is the love of my life, yeah sometimes i think he is only with me because of Ava, but i can't dwell on that, even if i think sometimes it is the truth"

"Derek loves you Meredith; i have never seen him looking at anyone the way he looks at you"

"Maybe...but maybe you should make the first step with your family Amy"

"I can't Meredith, i have tried, but no one has ever responded, even my own twin sister can't forgive me, i don't know what expect from meeting mom was lunch but it was never going to be good, i have always been the black sheep of the family" she told Meredith wiping off her eyes and finally pulling herself together. Amy stood up looking back at Meredith. "Thank you, but i better get back to work" she said smiling slightly, before leaving the on call room, leaving Meredith behind to mull over her own confession. She knew she didn't trust Derek; she knew he wouldn't leave her, but not sure if it was her or Ava that he wanted.