All of Your Life

Talking

Arriving at the trailer, and pulling up alongside it, Derek stopped the car, looking over at Meredith he could see that she was nervous, she had been fidgeting ever since they got off the ferry, he could admit to himself that he was terrified about this talk. He had never been fully comfortable talking about his feelings, often he would avoid it, especially talking to Addison but he knew that in the end this would make them stronger.

"Meredith" he said quietly.

Meredith was staring at the trailer in front of her, trying to fight of the wave of nausea, the last time that she was at the trailer was the night after Addison arrived in Seattle. She loved this trailer and what it represented, it represented a time in her life when she was at her happiest.

"Sorry, i guess i am a little nervous"

"Me too, Meredith, i have a bottle of wine in the fridge, i think we could do with some"

"Tequila would be nice about now"

"Unfortunately I don't have any of that" he said, grabbing her hand and squeezing it. "Meredith, I am not going anywhere I promise, but we need to do this"

"I know Der...But I am an avoider; I live under the banner of avoidance, and this is big"

"Yeah but avoiding isn't going to help Mer, come in when you are ready Mer, I will get us some wine" he said, knowing that she just needed a little space, Derek left her in the car but taking his car keys inside with him and waited for Meredith to join him.

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Derek was pacing the length of the trailer trying not looking outside, he could bear it if she drove away, he was so lost in his own thoughts he didn't see Meredith stood in the doorway watching him.

"Derek" she said quietly, Derek spun around, almost surprised to see her.

"Meredith...you"

"We need to talk, i know we do Derek but i am terrified..."

"Mer"

"No; don't interrupt, i need to get this out" Derek nodded, and Meredith walked up to him. "I am terrified every day that i am only to lose you that Ava will lose you" she took a deep breath, and looked up at him, tears welling in her eyes.

"You choose Addison over me, after i begged you to pick me, choose me, love me. You broke me, the way my dad never could. You were the first person that i loved since the day my father walked out on me, when i was five. You know when I discovered that I was pregnant; I never even thought about getting rid of the baby, she was the only part of you that I had left, so I decided to leave. Leaving Seattle was easy but leaving you...god...it was one of the hardest things I ever had to do. The night before I left, you came over mine do you remember what was one of the last things I said to you?" Derek tried to think back to that night but it was one of the memories that he had trouble accessing, he shook his head. "I told you that we loved you" she said not able to stop the tears from flowing.

Derek couldn't stand there any longer; he took the few steps and pulled her into his arms, holding her close while he tried to comfort her. After what felt like an eternity Meredith pulled away from Derek, and walked over to where Derek had left the wine off the side and poured herself a glass, drinking it quickly, before turning back to Derek.

"I guess I needed to get that off my chest"

"That is what tonight is all about Meredith, get everything off our chests"

"Why did you not tell me about Addison?" she asked, Derek searched her face, knowing that this is one of the questions that she had always wanted to ask. He took her hand in his and sat her down on the couch and he sat next to her.