Shot Through the Lights

Kabanata 10

Guilt

I was restless the whole practice. Hindi ako mapakali. Sobrang distracted ako to the point na nagkakamali na ako sa mga step. Hindi ko na rin masundan nang maayos ang senior naming si Abby na nangunguna ngayon sa practice.

Panay ang baling ni Viel sa direksyon ko. Mistakes kept coming one after another. Sa huli, lumapit siya sa akin matapos akong pagsabihan ni Ma'am Zai.

"Wave, everything fine?" si Viel.

"Yeah."

She didn't look convinced, though. But it's a good thing that she didn't press me further.

The practice went on for hours. The more I want the practice to end, the more the time seems to drag on further.

Hindi naman masyadong halata na excited ako na ninenerbyos.

But why am I excited anyway? It's not like anything between us is... real. This is all a pretension. Well, at least, on my part. I wonder how Sergio sees things in his perspective. Is it something more?

I shook my head. Alam kong pagkakaibigan lang ang pakay ni Sergio sa akin. And that should stay as it is. Pagkakaibigan lang.

"Kanina ka pa, ah? Is something up?" si Leia naman ngayon ang nagtatanong.

I messed up again. This time, ako na ang nangunguna sa formation.

"Wala, sorry. I was just worried for the competition," I lied.

"First time mo?"

"Hindi naman. But I want to win kasi."

It's partly true. May cash prize kaya gustong-gusto ko ring manalo. Not only that, we could even get the chance to have a dance workshop with the famous LEDD, isa sa mga pinakasikat na dance groups dito sa Pilipinas.

Natatawang tinapik ni Leia ang braso ko.

"'Wag mo masyadong i-pressure ang sarili mo. Of course, we will work hard to win. We all will."

I almost snorted. Parang hindi naman kasi interesado ang seniors na manalo. Kung late ako ng ilang minuto, halos lahat naman ng seniors ay hindi nagpakita buong araw kaya galit na naman si Ma'am Zai.

"I honestly don't know what to do with the seniors. Sumusobra na, e. They're not being good role models!"

And that was how they came up with the decision to change the leader. Hindi ko nga lang alam kung kailan 'yan mangyayari. Basta ay napagdesisyunan ni Ma'am na kailangan nang tumigil sa pagmamayabang ang seniors.

Maybe it's about the experience? They've been at this competition for years. Walang talo. Kaya baka naumay na at ayaw nang sumali. O baka naman lumaki ang ulo.

But still, this is their responsibility. They entered this dance troupe and there are new members who will take after them. Sobrang unprofessional naman kung ganoon.

Ma'am Zai's rant about the seniors kept my mind off from Sergio for almost an hour. But when she called it a day, nanumbalik ang pagiging kabado ko.

Pabalik-balik ang mga mata ko sa orasang nakasabit sa dingding. I almost cursed. It's already past six! Baka wala na akong maabutan doon!

I glanced outside the window. Kulay kahel ang kalangitan. There were faint touches of violet and pink. It was a beautiful sight, except that I have to hurry up. Or... Sergio might just leave again.

Tinignan kong mabuti ang mga gamit ko sa dalang bag. Ni isa roon ay walang pwedeng ipanglakad man lang sa disenteng mall. Para akong pupunta sa isang gym sa ayos ko ngayon.