Shot Through the Lights

Cosmos

Wakas

"Ikaw ba nagluto? You know how to cook this dish now?"

I laughed upon seeing her reaction.

"Oo naman. Inaral ko 'yan. Noong nasa ibang bansa pa ako."

"Ang sarap!" tumango-tango siya. "Pero ang lamig! Parang may snow! Nakakita ka na ng snow, 'di ba? Ano'ng itsura?"

My smile partly faded when that memory from before slowly crept to my mind.

I remembered how I held out my hand to catch a snowflake. It was cold. But I didn't mind.

Naghintay ako ng kometa sa labas ng bahay gamit ang telescope. Pero hindi ko nakita. Huli na nang mapagtanto kong nahuli na pala ako.

Kaya naupo na lang at mag-isang dinadamdam ang bawat patak ng lamig sa aking balat.

Tumunog ang pinto, bagay na nilingon ko. Nakita ko agad si Sherry na may matipid na ngiti sa akin habang nakasungaw ang ulo sa pintuan.

"It's getting cold. Hindi ka pa ba papasok?"

Binalik ko ang kanyang ngiti at umiling bago nagpatuloy sa pagtanaw sa malawak na kalangitan.

5 years. 5 years of being imprisoned by illusions. 5 years of being tortured by the many what ifs that ruled my system. 5 years of missing my one and only love.

"How are you, Love?" I whispered.

I can't kid myself. Hanggang sa mga panahong 'yon, siya pa rin. At siya lang. I promised that I'd give my relationship with Sherry a try. But it's just so difficult—so impossible to fight with what your heart wants.

Alam ko namang wala ng pag-asa. It's been so long. Imposibleng wala pa siyang nakikilalang iba. And I don't expect her to wait for me. Because that's selfish.

Just like the comet that I failed to see, I thought then that maybe in this lifetime, I will fail to see her as well.

"Halley's Comet will return in 2061. Ang haba pa, pero magtatagal naman siguro kayo niyan?"

Umalingawngaw ang tawanan ng buong klase dahil sa sinabi ng aming guro sa high school. Even I couldn't stop the smile from coming its way to my lips.

2061. Ang layo pa. I don't even know if I'll still be alive by then. I don't know what the future holds. And I don't think I'm thrilled to know if everything has been planned out for me right from the start.

My mother was all smiles when she formally introduced Sherry to the Mercados in a formal family event.

"You're marrying Sherry. Isn't that exciting? Sobrang yaman, sobrang ganda. And a future attorney just like her grandpa and her parents!" manghang sabi ina ko. "Just perfect for you, Sergio!"

I smiled as usual. I don't want to upset her. And I don't want to insult the lady in front of me. She doesn't have to bear the humiliation for my mother's motives. Kaya kahit na labag na labag sa loob ko, tumango na lang ako at nanahimik.

It has always been like that.

Life is painted black and white for me. There are only two sides I can look at. The words are all the same, printed in different angles but presented in the same font. It was dull—perfectly dull. It was like turning another page only to see the letters identical to the ones before.

I guess, the only things that are not repetitive are the skies... and those along with it.

Iba't ibang langit ang nakikita ko araw-araw. Ang mga ulap, parating nakakalat sa paiba-ibang direksyon. Hindi parating nagpapakita ang araw. Paminsan-minsang umuulan. May mga bituing hindi sumisilip. Nagtatago rin ang buwan kung may pagkakataon.