[ᴇᴅɪᴛɪɴɢ] 𝐅𝐎𝐑𝐂𝐄𝐃 𝐋𝐎𝐕𝐄 || 𝐲𝐨𝐨𝐧 𝐣𝐞𝐨𝐧𝐠𝐡𝐚𝐧

15

NOT EDITED!

Y/N LEE
"We need to talk." I bit my lip, til the point I can taste the metallic taste of my blood. I didn't want to talk. Not to him, not to anyone. I just wanted to sleep and dream of a world where everything was good. Where everything was alright.
     —Where I was alright.

"I don't want to talk." I sigh looking out the window, hoping he wouldn't keep pestering me about this. I glance at him, he gripped the wheel fingers tapping against it as well.  He ran his hand through his hair and turned to face me.

"Well, aren't you shit out of luck. This is a topic that really needs to be discussed—"

"I said I don't want to talk about it! Okay?!" I interrupted him, I don't usually raise my voice, only when I feel the need to. This was the moment I felt the need too. I was stressing out and I just wanted peace. It was now my turn to run my fingers through my hair. Letting out a huge sigh.

"...are you alright?" Was all Jeonghan asked. He pulled the car to a stop, turning to face me completely. Does it look like I'm alright? Does he want to see me break down and cry? What's his problem with me?

"What makes you think anything about this situation is alright? Last night... was a mistake. That shouldn't have happened. Let's forget it all together—"

"What if I don't want too?" I turned to face him, my mouth agape. Was he serious? He had to be fucking joking. "I'm serious, Y/N. What I don't want to forget it?" He unbuckled his seat belt leaning over, placing his lips next to my ears while I sat there frozen still. "What if I wanted to continue where we left off? My hands caressing you, my lips on your neck, your body right underneath my finger tips—"

"Jeonghan, stop it—"

"Why should I?" Jeonghan interrupted. He trailed his pointer finger up and down my knee, slowly raising it to my thigh, gently stroking small circles on my skin. It gave me goosebumps. "You tasted so good. Your lips tasted like strawberries mixed with alcohol. Don't even get me started on your—"

"Can you back the fuck off?" I answered pushing him away from me. I hated to admit this, but he definitely made my hormones crazy. I was still absolutely disgusted though. He was a girlfriend, and his girlfriend is my bestfriend. Yet, as her bestfriend I can't believe I had such thoughts because of this man. "Why the hell are you doing this? Why're you torturing me like this? Do you really hate me to such extent? What the hell did I ever do to you!"

I couldn't help but scream out and cry. This was too much. I can't even have a person to rant too. The fact that this all concerns Yeonhee, meaning I can't talk to her about this. I know Mingyu has some sort of feelings for me, so that's a definite no-no. My parents? Don't even bother. Who the hell was on my side other than myself? No one. This whole situation id have to suffer with alone. All because of Jeonghan. All of this is happening because of him. I held my hands to my face, covering my eyes as tears still managed to seep through the pressure of my palms. I covered my face, as quiet sobs and escaped my mouth.

Jeonghan must've been enjoying the sight of me crying. He was probably smiling while seeing the tears roll down my face. He probably wanted to laugh at me, to ruin me even more than he already had. It's gotten to the point that I don't even care anymore.

NARRATIVE
You continued to sob quietly, rubbing your face hoping to stop your tears. You couldn't see Jeonghan because you were hiding your face from him. You thought he was going to be laughing and smiling at your broken state... but he also felt broken. Seeing you cry like that caused his heart so much pain, even worse than seeing you kiss Mingyu and even calling him Mingyu. He wanted to comfort you, but he wasn't sure how or if you even wanted his consoling.

He just bit his tongue and kept his eyes on you. He sighed loudly, gently touching your wrists. He felt you stiffen and tremble at his touch which made his heart ache even more. Regardless, he removed your hands from your face and forced you to turn towards him. He said this question out loud, but he directed this question more to himself than to you. "...what're you doing to me?"

You froze, his eyes held a sense of protection. It confused you so much. It confused you till the point you didn't even notice the fact that you started leaning into Jeonghans touch. Right to the point where your lips connected. The gentle simple touch of skin shot electricity through both of your bodies. Jeonghan hand that gently stroked your face as he gently massaged you lips with his. Nothing about this kiss was sexual. It felt like it was filled with love.

Love... that wasn't quite there. You didn't love Jeonghan. You were attracted to him, as much as you wanted to deny it. Jeonghan also didn't love you. You excited him, made him feel... real. He wasn't sure what his feelings for you were, but he was positive it wasn't love. The urge to kiss was there before love. The urge to fill the loneliness in both of oneself came before love.

So you both just sat there. Lips still attached as tears still streamed down your face. His lips tasted like cherries. Your eyes were both shut, just casually kissing to the bliss of quietness. It wasn't awkward, it felt normal. It felt right.
—It made you both feel complete.

To try and deepen the kiss in a non sexual way, Jeonghan place his hand on your waist, and his other and behind your neck, pulling you closer. He didn't feel the need for their to be sexual tension. He knew that if he were to try something, the whole mood would be ruined. He didn't want to push his limits. He felt satisfied with just this. With you in his arms, with your lips on his, with the intimacy of something he deemed impossible before. He was happy, and he still didn't know why.

It was almost as if confusion was a big yellow school bus that came right at him and hit him. Why was he feeling this way for you? He thought he'd enjoy making you cry and broken, but he didn't like seeing you cry. He didn't like Mingyu talking to you.
—He didn't like any male talking to you. He wanted to claim you for himself, not wanting to share you with anyone. He still wondered, maybe it's just a phase. Maybe I'll enjoy seeing her broken then. Maybe right now I'm just being emotional and sympathetic.

All he knew was, he was loving this moment. This kiss gave him enough energy to survive this day with zero sleep. He just wishes he could kiss you longer, but you soon fell asleep, head leaning against his shoulders. He sat you up, watching as tears still fell while you were in a deep sleep. Jeonghan reached over and kisses your eyelids one last time, hoping your crying would stop. During the drive to your house, he tried to convince himself he was just being sympathetic, ignoring the aching feeling in his heart and the tight imaginary metal chain tightened around his neck that held him captured by his own self-destruction.