[ᴇᴅɪᴛɪɴɢ] 𝐅𝐎𝐑𝐂𝐄𝐃 𝐋𝐎𝐕𝐄 || 𝐲𝐨𝐨𝐧 𝐣𝐞𝐨𝐧𝐠𝐡𝐚𝐧

41

NOT EDITED!
✨✨ Hello you all. I'm back. It's been about 8-9 days since an official update so I'm here to update you all.
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Since I'm a nice author, I decided on a double update, also because I went on a small break. Only two, updates this time, not three. :D
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Please read my other books as well! Comment + Vote,, I love reading your guys comments on the chapter, it makes me feel more eager to post! ✨✨
~AU👁👄👁

You ever wondered how the night can be so peaceful? The way the moon can shine brightly, the stars twinkling behind it begging for that same spotlight. Despite the peacefulness, the lingering feeling of loneliness can't be ignored.

The hard roof shingles provided my back with some sort of comfort. I covered my face with my hands. Trying to get rid of those words. The words that kept on repeating and repeating. It's not true. It can't be true. Mingyus a fucking liar, what in the hell would he know?

"You like him, you're attracted to him."

No.

"You like him, you're attracted to him."

I don't.

"You like him, you're attracted to him."

I don't like Yoon Jeonghan! Its impossible. I don't feel any ounce of anything for that man. This isn't some high school crush, I don't like him. I just can't. I hate him. I hate that man. More than anything, I hate myself...
-I hate myself for not believing in my own words. "Fuck!"

I cursed out, slamming my hands down against the shingles. I forced myself up. Running my hands through my hair. This isn't possible. This isn't love, this isn't me liking him, it's simply... guilt? Fuck I can't even pass that off. Yeonhee hates me, Mingyu definitely hates me, Jeonghan? I don't even know, he's a complete mystery. If his feelings were true, then he might be heartbroken.

I run my hand through my hair, standing up on my feet, making my way down back to the balcony. My parents and Jeonghans parents weren't home, it still felt eerie considering what happened before. I'm scared. The police haven't contacted me about him at all after that incident. I don't know if he's still around, following me, stalking me. I'm just scared. I honestly don't know if Jeonghan is here or not. Should I go and apologize?

He went out a little while ago, he might've been back while I was on the roof. Maybe he's home again. I walk towards his door, letting my fingers graze the wooden door. I called out his name, but there was no response. I debated with myself a few things. One, he isn't home. Two; he's asleep and three; he doesn't want to talk to me. If it was three I was debating on A; walking away. B; talking to him through the door. C; talk to him in the morning. I decided to believe in option 3, C.

With a small sigh, I walk away from his room, leaving him be. I don't want to force myself on him, I don't want to force him to accept my apology. I don't mind if he doesn't accept it either. I'll apologize to him once the sun awakens, hopefully time will be able to heal this awkward tension. I know if we're going to be living together, it's better that we fix this now than later.

The sun raised, shining through the windows of my parents bedroom. The light bouncing off everywhere, landing into my eyes. I had a lot of time to think yesterday. I shouldn't have gotten mad at Jeonghan. I still don't understand what feelings I have for him, I don't even know if I have any. Maybe I do like him but I'm in denial, or I don't like him like that but as friend... but friends don't just up and kiss each other. They don't almost have sex in multiple situations.

I sigh, walking back towards Jeonghans door. Letting my fingers knock on the wood. There was no answer still. "Jeonghan. I'm coming in." I pull the door open, expecting to see a sleeping man filling the bed, cuddling underneath the bedsheets. My expectations were held low. Because he wasn't their. His bed looked the exact same. His closest door was open, majority of his clothing were gone, not to forget his lego collection. That's how I officially knew he left.

I couldn't help but feel my heart clenched, squeezing tightly against my ribcage. The only lego collection on his desk, the fucking 1970 Doge Charger. I picked it up. Questioning myself. When did he leave? I was here the entire day, when did he leave? Why am I so upset? Why do I feel like I've just been abandoned?
-That's right. I remember. He didn't abandon me. I abandoned him. I wanted to punch myself, I wanted to do the absolutely cruelest things you can imagine. I only scream, grabbing the lego car and throwing it against the wall, watching the pieces shatter against the ground. My breathing itched. My chest raising and falling. Everything was a mess. I was, this room was, my relationship, my mindset. I barely thought of Yeonhee and Mingyu at the moment. I could only think of the one person who wasn't here. The one person who should've been here.

I could still feel his smooth skin on the tips of my fingers, his lingering scent that flowed through the air, his soft fluffy air tangled in my fingers while his lips melted into mine. I could just think about all of that. I could also think about the cruel words I've yelled at him. Spoke to him. No that I recall it, I wasn't trying to convince him. It was more of a desperate plea to convince myself. Because I was the one that left him for no apparent reason.

"I hate you, Yoon Jeonghan. Get out of my life and don't you dare show yourself to me ever again."

I abandoned him.

"Don't fucking touch me. I really hate you, Yoon Jeonghan."

I pushed him away.

"Why do I have to tell you anything, Jeonghan? There's nothing between us. Nothing. At all."

I convinced myself that he was nothing to me.

"We're not dating, Jeonghan. We never were and never will be. Because I don't like you, Jeonghan."

When in reality, I think I like Jeonghan. Like really fucking like Jeonghan.

"I hate you, Jeonghan."

I think I might even love you, Jeonghan.

Yet it's utterly useless now. He won't want anything to do with me. Not after all this. Once again, I destroyed everything. I am the cause of this. I destroyed the only thing I'm craving now. I'm no longer the Ice Queen, I'm the Queen of Destruction.

Despite all this, I figured out my feelings for him. I still couldn't help but curse him out. I might've abandoned him first, but he was the one that physically packed his shit and ran.