I'm sorry...~America

Matthew

~Alfred's POV~
What am I thinking...?What the fuck is wrong with me I don't want to kill Mattie! I mean I do- but- I don't want to! God I'm so fucking confused how the hell am I supposed to explain this sort of thing to them? Tino stood up and held Matt's hand "I'm going to let you alone for a moment okay?" Tino let go and shot a nasty look at me "let's talk outside" I gave a small nod and went out into the hallway and looked back to see Matthew tremble as he began to weep. Tino closed the door behind me and crossed his arms, I couldn't tell if he was furious with me for meaning what I said or if it was because he thought I was trying to upset Mattie on purpose. I scratched at my arm "I just told the truth...I knew you wouldn't understand-" "what am I supposed to understand Alfred that you want to kill your brother!?" "It's not what you think it is! It's not like I want to MURDER him right now if you leave me alone in a room with him! It's just..." I tried to put everything into place "I came to a realization...a while back...I realized that as countries we really will never die..ya know unless another country takes action" Tino frowned but allowed me to continue "And I just...god I've had to watch so many friends die..lovers...pets...fuck I can't stand it anymore...I wanted- I still want to end it but..well" Tino held his hand up to stop me and took a moment in silence before gesturing to the kitchen "let's go sit and talk...I can feel my knees getting weak" I gave him a small nod and sat with him in the kitchen. I had forgotten the idea of suicide was a distressing subject for most people, I've just gotten so used to it. "Please go on..." Tino picked at his sweater and I let out a sigh "I tried to shoot myself but I just couldn't pull the trigger...I tried to overdose but I just woke up the next day and went to work...I tried han-" I stopped myself when I saw Tino start to tear up "sorry...basically I realized I can't kill myself so I've stopped...I don't hurt myself anymore either because I don't really see the point...but then i thought about Matthew and how he must feel if I'm feeling like this, and the thought made me feel worse" I looked down at the black and white tiles lining the floor. "I thought about my brothers misery for weeks, months even, eventually I couldn't stand to speak to him, but...one day I thought about suicide...and about how none of us could kill ourselves but...maybe..we could relieve each other" Tino slammed his hands on the table "are you out of your mind!? You don't even know if Matthew's depressed how could you just assume something like that?" I flinched and sat back in my chair "I know he is...he's my brother...before I started avoiding him he told me about how much he hated being a country that sometimes he wished he could just join his friends wherever they ended up" Tino frowned "Alfred....God-Mattie-" Tino sighed and sat down. "Death isn't the answer...I know that it feels that way but it's not...we've all lost people we love but if we die..then aren't we just adding on to that pain? Let's say you and Matthew were dead tomorrow, you two would be happy sure but what about Me? Sweden, Spain, France, China, England, Russia- god think about everyone! Think about how they would feel if someone they knew would never leave them finally did" I frowned and sank further into my chair "don't make the pain worse...there's only so many countries Alfred...we're all we've got."

~Finland's POV~
As I finished speaking I saw tears roll down Alfred's cheeks and his glasses began to fog up. He trembled and held his face in his hands as he wept. Honestly I couldn't help but feel a little proud that I had gotten to him, hopefully now he'll let us help him and things may finally start to get better. I stood up and went over to him and patted his back, he sensation made him flinch and sob harder so I moved my hand away. "Oh god...what's wrong with me.." Alfred dug his nails into his arms and coughed through his tears. I frowned and held his hand "it's okay Alfred...we'll get through this" I did my best to reassure him as I got him to loosen his grip on his arms. Alfred took his glasses off and whipped his eyes "can..we go see Mattie I want to talk to him..." I gave a tiny smile and nodded before going back to the living room with Alfred.

(Sorry this was a little short but I'm not really motivated I'm kinda depressed rn and loosing motivation on that book that I'm harassing you all about but whateverrrrrr it just helps me feed the drama and depression in this book so :)
I hope you enjoyed and Idk rly when there will be another page tbh)