I'm sorry...~America

Promise

~Finland's POV~
Tonight at dinner I was finally introduced to Christina and the twins! She's so pretty it makes me jealous >~< ! (I'm sorry that's the only way I can describe the face he's making-) No wonder they have such beautiful children their beautiful people! So for and skinny and young...bahh! It makes me so self conscious! I know it shouldn't but it does...I feel so old now that little Alfie's started a family...he's growing up so fast! But I'm happy for him...he truly does seem happy now and I haven't seen anything that would convince me otherwise, though I know depression doesn't just disappear over night...I need to make sure Alfred will be able to handle it when...well he did get engaged to a human after all...and they don't last forever. "Alright since you guys worked so hard on dinner tonight I'll do the dishes" Alfred stood up with a smile and started collecting everyone's plates, Francis shot him a dirty look, "you never clean up when I work hard. Your just doing this because Christina cooked too!"
"Mmm there are no favorites when it comes to family~" Alfred teased, "liar!" Francis whimpered dramatically and buried his face in Arthur's chest. Christina giggled and Arthur rolled his eyes patting Francis' back, "well as much as I'd love to stay and chat I'm afraid I'm going to retire for tonight...that meeting left me feeling like a burnt out horse"
Francis sat up and nodded, "Oui I too am completely exhausted..." I smiled at them and waved it off, "don't worry about it we have plenty of time to catch up in the morning, besides I'm sure it's way past the children's bed time's" I looked over at Peter who quickly hid under the table. Christina chuckled and picked up the twins, "Peter come on now, the sooner you go to bed the sooner you can wake up and play"
"But mama I don't want to! Please can I stay up just a little longer? I know your going to...pleaaasse?"
"Peter, if you don't sleep you will become cranky" Berwald got on his knees and dug Peter out from under the table holding him like a baby.
"It makes mom sad when you are upset" Peter frowned and looked at me apologetically, "okay...I'll go to bed..." I smiled at him and stood on my tip toes in order to kiss his forehead. "Good boy...it makes me very happy to hear you say that" Berwald looked at me and poured very subtly but I knew exactly what he wanted, I blushed and glanced at the others whilst Berwald bent down so I could reach his face.
Christina and Arthur were actually polite and pretended to be busy with the twins and left the room for the sake of my embarrassment but Francis just sat there and watched me waiting for me to kiss him, I know he's doing this just to get a kick out of me but it really is embarrassing to have someone watch! I gently kissed Berwald before taking Peter from him, "Bert why don't you keep Francis company while I tuck Peter in" Berwald looked at Francis causing him to flinch and stand up, "actually I think I'm going to bed now, goodnight you three!" Francis waved and smiled at us fearfully before retreating upstairs. Peter giggled and held onto me, "I can walk by myself momma I'm a big kid remember?" I smiled at him softly and set him down, "right I forgot...come on now let's get you to bed. I think your father is starting to get Cranky too"
Berwald huffed in agreement and held my hand as we made our way up the stairs.

Once Peter was in bed I went back downstairs to see if Alfred was still in the kitchen but instead I found Christina walking around and turning off all the lights, she walked over to a lamp and stopped when she saw my reflection in it, "oh Finland!- Tino sorry, I didn't see you there" I smiled at her and walked over, "it's alright I should have made myself known, are you heading off to bed?" Christina smiled slightly and shook her head, "Alfred's on the phone with "his boss" whom I'm assuming is the president so I thought I would just come and make sure the place was locked up" I nodded and looked around at all of the doors and windows, there sure are a lot...
"Actually I was hoping I'd get you alone for a bit..." Christina looked down at the lamp and switched it back on, "I wanted to talk to you and get to know you a little better, and maybe get to know Alfred's past better too..." I gave her a bitter sweet smile and a nod before she led me to a large library with two sofas and one king like chair, probably Arthur's.
Christina sat down across from me and anxiously tried to find the words. "Why don't you start with the first question that comes to mind?"
"Well...it's not really an important question but I was sort of wondering why Peter refers to you as mama"
I sighed and leaned back running my fingers through my hair, "well...it's because of Berwald...even since before we were married he would refer to me as his wife" I scratched my head and gave her a nervous chuckle, "I hated it actually I wanted him to recognize me as a man but he kept calling me his wife and telling me "some day I will make you my wife" it really annoyed me, in fact I even almost rejected him when he proposed to me..."
"Really? But you two seem so in love"
"Oh we are! That's why I couldn't bring myself to say no even though he annoyed the hell out of me with the whole wife thing, eventually when we adopted Peter he kept getting confused when referring to us...you know he couldn't really get past saying "dad and dad can you help me with this?" So Berwald told him to call me mom and so it kind of just stuck..."
"Do you still dislike being referred to as a woman?"
"Yes...a little bit but Berwald doesn't really call me his wife anymore and it's not like he calls me a she when referring to me so it's alright, plus if Peter ever called me dad I think I would have a stroke"
Christina chuckled and folded her hands, "that's sweet...but I was also..." Christina stopped and hesitated on her question, I frowned and sat next to her holding her hands, "hey it's alright I'm not afraid to answer any questions you have for me, so don't be scared to speak your mind" Christina smiled softly.
"Well I was talking to Francis a while back and he told me about how you raised Alfred for a long time before you had to give him up...I was just wondering...if you ever missed having him around" I frowned and let go of her hands looking down at the coffee table, "I did...I missed that boy with every fiber of my being...but I really did believe I was going to die and...I wanted to give him a new home before he got to the age where he would remember me and have to watch me disappear..."
"And...after you got better? When you knew you'd survive?..."
"By the time I reached that point Alfred was already grown up and fighting in the revolution against England...He had already imprinted on Arthur and Francis being his fathers so...it just wouldn't have felt right for me to try and take him back you know?"
Christina nodded and frowned.
"Besides once I gave Alfred to Arthur he immediately made him a colony so even if I wanted to I couldn't have taken him back, it would be like declaring war and I would have had to battle him for it and I really don't want to do that" I stared at England's chair and sighed, "anyway it's not like I never got to see Alfred again...he knew what I had done for him because Francis had told him and he was grateful to me...then we became friends and soon I became a mentor for him, and that's really all I could ask"
Christina smiled and me and rubbed her eyes.
"That's so sweet it makes my eyes water..."
I chuckled and leaned back on the couch.
"Do you mind if I ask you something...personal?..."
Christina looked up at me almost as if she knew what I was going to ask. "You want to know how I feel about death right?..." i hesitated for an moment but nodded. Christina looked to the side.
"I found a letter in Alfred's drawer along with a ring box...apparently his uncle Scotland crafted the ring for me and...I'm not sure how it works but apparently it will keep me alive as long as I wear it...but if it breaks then it's useless...I appreciate the effort to save my life and believe me I'm going to do whatever I can to protect it and live as long as I can to raise my children. But...accidents happen...even countries get in all sorts of trouble like home invasions and assassinations...car accidents and gas leaks...you guys can die and come right back...I know if I die I stay dead...and I've accepted that...I'm not afraid of death...I'm afraid of leaving Alfred alone"
Christina wiped her eyes and smiled.
"But that's why I'm so glad we had the twins...now I know that when I'm gone he'll have someone to hold onto and keep him stable...the twins will take care of him...I know they will...I just hope...neither of them has to struggle with depression like he does...no one should have to..." I frowned and have her a tight hug.
"I know they'll be alright...I promise they will" Christina hugged me back tightly and buried her face in my shoulder weeping quietly, "thank you..." I hugged her tighter and watched as my tears dropped onto the couch cushions. I didn't think I would grow so fond of her so soon...but I have...now the thought of her dying brings a great pain to my chest and I dread the fact that I know it's inevitable...I just hope she can hang in there for as long as possible.
Christina sniffled and wiped her eyes, "i'm sorry I got your shoulder all wet..." I smiled at her sadly and let go, "it's alright...I'm glad we had this talk Christina...and I'm very glad I got to meet you"
Christina smiled and dried her eyes completely.
"We should probably go back before someone comes looking for us huh?" I nodded and we both stood up and walked out of the library, "you go on up I'll finish turning all the lights off for you" I waved her off and she smiled at me before thanking me and making her way up the stairs. I smiled at her until i heard the bedroom door upstairs close letting my false smile drop as I glanced behind me.
"How long have you been standing there." Francis was standing behind me in a dark corner with only the moonlight illuminating the two of us.
"Long enough...I want to know what you two were talking about. Now I almost wish I didn't know" I turned around to face him and crossed my arms, "that was a private conversation."
"I'm sorry. Really I am. Once I heard her mention your past with Alfred I decided i was going to leave, until I heard you mention her mortality...."
"That's the part I'm upset that you heard."
"She's my daughter in law Tino. I wanted to know how she really felt about her situation...now I know"
"...and are you happy now that you know?"
"...no...now I think I'm only going to miss her more"
I frowned and dropped my arms and stared out the window, "who would have thought she would have such an impact on others instead of just Alfred..."
"......" Francis wiped his eyes and walked past me, "let's agree now that we'll do whatever we can to protect her." Francis stopped on the first step and looked back at me, "no matter what the cost that woman needs to live long enough to see her children grow up." I nodded at him in agreement before he nodded back and went upstairs.
This is why I despise humans...they always play with our emotions without even realizing it...until it's too late.